Action Comics #138 (Part 5 - Finale): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

When last we read: Superman turned a lump of coal into a diamond and this gave Herb his next scoop and saved Joe's coal mine. Now on to Part 5 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Back at the Daily Planet, Lois comes racing in with a scoop she's certain will top all of Herb's. Police just captured the South River Bank Bandits! (Instantly, we know this scoop is meaningless. Not only didn't Superman have anything to do with it, but not once have these bandits been mentioned in the story. Without a build-up, they're meaningless. Poor Lois. Does she not read the comic? Shouldn't she realize that red herring bandits have no relative worth when a lump of coal has just disappeared? C'mon, Lois! An entire lump of coal! And in its place is a diamond that can be seen from great distances! Your bandits are nothing compared to that!)

Perry tells Lois her story is "tame" compared to the "lightning-diamond" scoop. It "tops it by a mile." Immediately, the other nameless reporters begin jeering, teasing Lois about becoming "Miss Lois Lovelorn".

Finally, we get a glimmer of savvy out of Lois as she voices her suspicions about Herbert's string of scoops. In her words, he's "too terrific." Perry tells her that every story has been affirmed but Lois is undaunted. She heads to the office of a "noted scientist" and asks him "What are the chances of a landslide, a meteor and lightning happening near the same person in three successive days?" The scientist replies, "The law of averages claims that it's almost impossible for all those phenomena to happen to one individual." Oh ho! Now she's got some ammo. As she walks down a Metropolis street wearing a large red hat (Ah, the days when everyone wore hats. It's all so 1940s), Lois concludes that there is something or someone behind Herb's scoops. "Hmmm... I've an idea now who's making those scoop-stories and I'm going to follow it up!" You go, Lois! Catch that scooper right now! (Gee, I wonder who she suspects? If only there were someone she knew who was capable of causing those things. One would almost have to be some sort of enhanced being to do them. Hmmm...)

Fast forward to Herbert's seventh and final day of his scooperama. Herb walks down by the ocean and says, "Maybe I can find a last scoop-story down along the coast!" Flying discretely behind Herb, Superman notices that a cape (not his red, flashy cape, the kind you find along the coast) is dangerous because ships have to go around it. While Herb's back is turned, Superman dredges out a canal through the cape, even as he tries to think up some way to get Herbert the Ace Reporter to notice a miraculously new passage through the land mass he was just staring at moments before. To Herb's credit, he finally sees the scoop for what it is. With his hat hovering above his head, he says, "The sea must have cut a canal across the cape – it's be safer for boats now! That's my final scoop!" Weird how the sea just happened to do that in the space of a few minutes, isn't it? Like any good reporter, Herbert doesn't question the story, he simply phones it in.

Superman is relieved that his scoop-parade is finally at an end. But wait! What's this? Lois Lane sneaks up behind Superman – caught in the act! Lois gloats as she tells Superman she's going to expose the Man of Steel's intervention. This is the "scoop of the year!" Eat that, Superman! "The scoop-story of how Superman arranged all those stories for [Herbert]!" Superman begs her not to print it, as it will ruin Herbert's career, but Lois takes off in her roadster leaving a chagrinned Superman behind. All that hard work for naught, eh Mr. Man? (Personally, I don't think Herbert deserves anything except a ticket home and a buh-bye, but then, I'm heartless that way. The lad simply hasn't got an iota of reporter's instincts in his body. He should take up some other profession and immediately, so as not to hurt the rep of a true reporter like Lois Lane!)

Superman heads back to the Planet as Clark Kent, resigned to what's about to happen. Back at the office, Perry White happily hires Herbert. The Journalism major is humble (you can tell cuz he's holding his hat in his hands in a most humble fashion) and says, "Gee, thanks, Mr. White! I know I only got those scoops by luck, for I'm just a beginner." We see a shot of Lois reacting to his humility as he continues, saying, "But I'll work hard – I want to be a real reporter like Clark Kent and Lois Lane!"

Suddenly, Lois realizes that Herbert had no idea that Superman was behind his string of scoops. It's not Herb's fault at all. If she submits her story, Herb won't get the job and Superman will look foolish. But if she doesn't, she'll have to edit the Lonely Hearts column. Oh, what to do? What to do?

Perry asks Lois for her scoop and she nobly takes the altruistic choice. "...I'm afraid I can't top Herbert's story!" The other reporters gloat, rubbing it in that Lois will be Miss Lonely Hearts. One of them even puts a little crown on Lois's head, just in case she wasn't humiliated enough. Silently, Clark recognizes what she has done. She's "a peach" and he wishes he had a way to tell her what he thinks of her self-sacrifice.

Days later, Clark stands before Lois's desk, now piled with letters. He notes that she doesn't look "so blue about it all now." With a dreamy smile, Lois hands him a a piece of paper. "Read this letter and you'll see why!"

On the note is written, "Dear Miss Lonely Hearts, Can you tell me of any girl half so wonderful as Lois Lane?" It's signed, "Superman".

Awwww. A very sweet ending to a rather crazy story. I hope you had fun learning about Superman's Scoop-Parade because I had a lot of fun telling you about it. Come back next time for a brand new story from days gone by. Which story? I haven't a clue. You'll have to wait to find out.

Don't forget to let me know what you thought of this story!

Action Comics #138 (Part 4): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

When last we read: Herb's newest scoop was a falling meteorite (once again engineered by Superman) and Lois makes a bet with Perry that she can outscoop Herb or she'll become the Lonely Hearts Editor. Up to speed? Good. Time for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herb's next surefire scoop location is Joe's Coal Mine. Yeah, should be great things happening there. Much more promising than the swamp. Herb asks Joe if there are any scoops lying around. Joe tells him he's losing his coal mine tomorrow because he can't pay his bank notes. Even Herb seems to realize that's not Daily Planet Super-Scoop material. But stalker Superman overhears and decides he can help Joe and give Herb his scoop.

Superman herds some thunderclouds together, lands on a huge mountain of coal, and, under cover of lightning, squeezes a lump of coal into a diamond. (Ah, the coal into diamond trick. Always a pleasure to see that one. Clark wouldn't have to work a day in his life. He could fuel his altruistic saving of the world by selling off his home-made diamonds. But no, he never does that sort of thing. His diamond crushing is never for personal gain.)

Herb instantly calls in his story. "Mr. White, here's another scoop! Lightning just hit Joe Noakes' coal pile and destroyed a lump of coal!"

Let's take another step back, shall we? Lightning destroyed "a" lump of coal? From this entire mountain of coal in the distance Herb was able to discern that a single lump of coal was destroyed by the lightning? Did he count the lumps and deem one missing? This kid has superpowers! However, his journalistic instincts continue to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Did he learn nothing in college? Did he have a class where the professor said, "War, famine, murder, disasters – yes, they all make okay articles, but if you really want to succeed, you need to find a good lump of coal destruction story! Find one of those and every editor on the planet will be eating out of your hand. And if that lump of coal is destroyed by lightning, as opposed to someone accidentally stepping on it, the world's your oyster!" Why does Superman continue to waste his time on this idjit? Sigh. Okay, rant over.

Needing to yet again point out the real story, Superman tilts a building with a metal roof so that the sun glances off the roof and illuminates the coal (wait, I thought he'd brought a huge storm in. Why is there sunlight glinting... never mind. Just tell the story, Joanna).

Herbert somehow decides that the only thing that could glint on a coal mountain is a diamond. Of course, if he noticed a single lump of coal being destroyed, I suppose it's not all that farfetched to believe that little shine is a diamond. Heck, it's downright logical, considering. Joe's mine is saved! Herbert has his scoop! I need to keep my eyes open for glints! It could be a diamond!

We've had dinosaurs, meteorites, and diamonds – what could be next? And how is Lois doing in her search for scoops (without Superman to help her)? Tune in Monday for Part 5 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 3): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

When last we read: Superman helped Herbert find his first scoop by powerwashing a hillside into revealing the skeletons of two complete and fully-articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons, which he then proceeded to "walk" down the street through waterjet propulsion. Time to find out how he's going to top that bad boy by reading Part 3 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

After Lois proclaims Herb's dinosaur scoop as "beginner's luck", Herbert heads back to Northville to look for more scoops. He walks along a swamp road bemoaning the lack of scoops (cuz swamp roads are usually full of breaking news events). Superman, unseen just in front of Herb (he is SO observant) realizes that Herb's next biggie is up to him.

The swamp being bereft of obvious scoops (why on Earth is Herbert walking in a deserted swamp, anyway? His reporter instincts are non-existent! Superman really needs to dump this dweeb as fast as he can), Superman shoots into outer space to snag a meteor. It's a rather large meteor, too. Perhaps I watch too much Discovery Channel, but I fear this particular large space rock could cause the planet a world of hurt.

Superman guides it to the Earth and lets go once he knows it's on target. It lands a couple of feet from Herbert, blowing him to smithereens. Wait a minute... nope, Herb is fine, the Earth is fine, the meteor just caused a wee bit of steam in the swamp. (Come back, Suspension of Disbelief! I need you! I need you now more than I ever have!)

Herbert quickly calls Perry White with the scoop. "Two inches of water just washed across the swamp road!" Surely Perry will see the value in Herb's wet shoes! But alas, newspaperman Perry insists on a scoop with more oomph. Meanwhile, Superman realizes that Herb has once again missed the story. And because the steam is hiding the meteor, he's not about to figure it out any time soon.

To keep the job prospects of the worst Journalism major ever to graduate from Northville College alive, Superman blows away the steam. This reveals the meteorite and Herbert adds that tidbit to his story. Perry is once again a happy man.

Back in the offices of the Planet, Perry crows to Lois about the great scoops, saying, "...Herbert is doing better than you could, Lois!" Them's fightin' words! Lois quickly replies, "Listen, I can turn in a bigger scoop than that beginning this week or – or I'll be Lonely Hearts Editor for a month! (Not sure that sentence reads correctly. I think it was meant to say "beginner" rather than "beginning" because it's not like she's turning in scoops "beginning this week" as in "I think I'll start now". She's a pro! She's the intrepid reporter! The Ace of the Daily Planet! This is Lois Lane, for gee gosh whillakers!) The bet is on!

Not exactly the way Superman was planning things, is it? His whole purpose in shoring up the least likely journalist ever was to keep Lois from going after huge scoops. Where is that super brain of Clark's? A 5 year old could see this one coming. Of course Lois is going to take Herb's efforts as a challenge. Of course there's trouble ahead. Of course Superman will continue his insane scoop challenges because he's always right and once he starts something he never quits. I think he was smarter in the Silver Age. Or maybe I'm wrong and a 5 year old really would think the story's twists and turns are logical. Remind me to find a 5 year old so I can ask.

One of those yellow text boxes lets the readers know that thar be trouble a'brewin' for Lois. "Careful, Lois! When you made that rash promise (about the Lonely Hearts Editing) you didn't realize that Superman is helping Herbert Binkle!" Actually, I think Lois should be able to figure it out from the walking skeletons alone, but that's just me. For the purposes of this story, it's all quite mysterious.

So mysterious, in fact, that I'm going to leave you hanging! Don't forget to come back for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 2): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

When last we read: Lois Lane is forever getting herself into tight spots in her relentless pursuit of scoops. Superman, tired of saving her, decides to back young Journalism grad, Herbert Binkle, thinking that if a newbie like Herb can outscoop Lois, she'll quit trying so hard. Yeah, I don't really follow the logic of that, either, but who cares? It's time for Part 2 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herbert heads home to Northville (the location of his scoop-finding mission) and wanders around town not seeing anything worthwhile. Lucky for him, Superman is on the scene. Supes uses his x-ray vision and finds some dinosaur bones.

A moment while you look at the panel of the bones. Please note that it's not one, but two Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons. Then notice that both have all bones intact. Then discern that both are fully articulated. And finally, see that they appear to be in an attack posture, as if they died in the middle of a fight, never fell to the ground, somehow remained unscathed through millennia and happen to be in a small hill in Northville, wherever that is (I'm guessing it's not the badlands – the place where the bulk of Tyrannosaurus bones have been uncovered. None of which, I might add, came in fighting pairs, standing, and fully articulated).

Nothing odd about that, right? But oh, how does Superman plan to let Herbert know they're there? Get out a trowel and some brushes and carefully unearth the skeletons retaining all the surrounding earthen strata, marking each individual bone and citing its position, taking the next couple of years to do so, making sure the site is properly recorded for science?

Close. He takes an old pipeline, makes a funnel of one end, puts the funnel under a waterfall and then blasts the bones out of the hill via the force of the water. Miraculously, the bones emerge and they remain articulated even without the cohesion of the earth around them! It's a miracle! No muscles, sinew or connectors of any kind and yet the bones somehow remain in the exact position they held in life. Two giant Tyrannosaurus skeletons sticking out of a hill in a way seemingly impossible and Herbert is immediately struck by the scoopiness of the situation.

He phone Perry White and tells him that the "great scoop" he has is that Jenkins Hill just slid a little and now there's a new coasting hill in Northville. (I wonder if he's thought through how the coasters are going to get around those ginormous dinosaur skeletons bursting out of the hill? Perhaps Herbert missed the real scoop here and he should've told Perry that the slide ruined the local coasting hill by unearthing some pesky Tyrannosaurus Rex bones that are now in the way of a straight shot down).

At this point, Clark should realize that he's backing the wrong horse. Obviously, Herbert is completely lacking in journalistic savvy, observational skills, and wouldn't know a scoop if it bit like a fully articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex. Fly away, Superman, and leave Herbie to the local free shopping rag.

But no, Superman has made up his mind and is never, ever wrong. He grabs his water pipe (not the bong kind, the "I made a funnel out of this old oil pipe and will now make it shoot water" kind) and blasts the back of one of the skeletons. For reasons unknown to me, instead of causing the skeleton to explode in a shower of bones (due to there being absolutely nothing holding them together), the bones START WALKING DOWN MAINSTREET! (Pardon my shouting, but my suspension of disbelief was just shattered by a giant water jet and I didn't know if you could hear me over the laughter of every archaeologist and paleoanthropologist on Earth.)

Still on the phone, Herbert says, "And the slide uncovered dinosaur skeletons, Mr. White – huge ones!" (Huge bones that are walking down mainstreet with a bunch of water shooting off its fleshless back and Superman holding a giant waterpipe, but that's not news.) Perry decides to send a photographer and make it the feature story. Hope no one else needs any help that day because Superman is going to be too busy walking his bone puppets around town so the photographer can good pictures. After all, finding not one but two complete Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons isn't much to write about. It needs more pizzaz.

And now we pretty much know how this story is going to go for the next few pages. Herbert won't find a scoop. Superman will create one. Herb won't recognize it. Supes will emphasize it. Perry will love it. Hopefully, you've now had enough scoop-drinks that it will all seem unpredictable as I retell it. But before you get too cocky, the stakes are about to be raised, which should make this even more fun. Stay will me for Part 3 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 1): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

I'm baaa-aaack! And it's time for another Golden Age book! This one is Action Comics #138, published in November of 1949. Granted, some would argue that it's Atom Age but I'm using a very simple system of identification: each decade is a different age. That makes this Golden Age. After all, it's nearly 60 years old. Those are golden years in most people's minds.

My copy is coverless (Now with extra rat chews for that low grade luster!) but the wonderful Nearmint (that's his screen name on the CGC forums – and speaking of which, I now have a monthly column in the newsletter so take a trip over to CGC and read The Spinner Rack. My column starts in December of 2007) was kind enough to provide me with a cover scan. Three cheers for Nearmint! I've never been a high grade collector. As you can probably tell from this blog, to me it's all about the stories!

Enough of my rambling. Time to get to the good stuff. Let's dive into the Part 1 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

The splash page shows Superman standing on hill (or mountain or volcano or pile-o-something – it's not very clear) getting hit by lightening. Lois Lane and someone who looks vaguely like Jimmy Olsen yet isn't watch the spectacle.

The intro panel says, "Lois Lane has frequently scooped her rival reporters on stories for The Daily Planet! But could she win in a scoop-contest if Superman were helping the other reporter? Does it seem impossible? Don't be too sure, for surprises can happen, and there's a surprising climax to the – SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE"

Now this looks like fun! Superman is helping some other person instead of Lois? But she's one of The Planet's ace reporters! She's Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane! She's got a pad of paper and a pen (unlike that other guy who's got a camera. That's Jimmy of him)! Superman, come to your senses! No one deserves scoops more than Lois!

[On a completely tangential side note, the dog my family had when I was a teen loved to chase squirrels. If we said the word "squirrel" she would go nuts, thinking there was something worth chasing outside. One day, while watching the news, they mentioned an upcoming scoop about something that wasn't all that interesting. With false enthusiasm, I said to my mother, "Oh boy, a scoop!" The dog went nuts. Apparently, it was the "sc" sound that meant squirrel to her, not the entire word. From then on, we had her chasing scoops despite her lack of a press pass.]

Turning the page we find the intrepid Lois investigating a construction site. She'd gotten a tip and went to the half-built skyscraper at daybreak, to avoid running into the crew. She approaches a girder and hits it with a magic hammer. (Unlike any hammer I've ever owned, hers floats in midair. Sure, you could argue that she hit the girder and the hammer bounced out of her hand, the panel catching this action in mid-bounce, but I prefer to think of it as a magic hammer. Like Thor's hammer or that one in the song where having a hammer brings justice, freedom, and love and peace between brother and sister all over the world! That's a really magic hammer. And a pretty stupid song when you think about it. Fun to sing, though.)

The girder she hammered is really wrecked. Lois is obviously on to something with this story. Suddenly, she realizes that the cracked girder is causing a chain reaction among the other substandard (really, really, really substandard) girders. The entire skyscraper is about to collapse right on top of Lois!

"Then, strangely, something seems to hold up the collapsing building a moment! Let's look outside!" Oh yes, let's. Nothing outside of my apartment. All is quiet. But wait – outside the collapsing building is none other than Superman! As he holds up the really, really, really substandard girders, Superman smugly reflects on the fact that he knew Lois was off on a dangerous story and would need his help. Good thing he was stalking her, er, following her secretly. Not creepy at all since he saved her life. However, had she been heading somewhere a little more private or intimate... well, let's just say it was Supes' lucky day. Bet he wishes he had a magic hammer.

Lois escapes the no-longer-falling girders and races off to the office to write up her scoop (down, girl! I said scoop, not squirrel!). Superman decides he should also get back to the office or they'll be missing ole Clark Kent. How does Superman keep that job, anyway? He's forever racing into that supply closet and taking off to stop floods, deflect asteroids, save kittens, and other heroic deeds. He must be a heckuva writer.

Perry White is a happy guy when he gets Lois's story. "A swell scoop, Lois! Your fourth this month!" (okay, a new drinking game: everyone has to take a shot whenever the word "scoop" is mentioned. Only play if you're not going anywhere and don't mind alcohol poisoning.)

Clark, however, is concerned by Lois's "scoop mania" because he has to be around every time she goes after a scoop, to keep her safe. Enter one Herbert Binkle, a dweeby lil fellow who appears to be a cross between Jerry Lewis and Jimmy Olsen. Herb wants to work at the Planet. He's got a journalism degree from Northville College and everything! "I was also a reporter on our school newspaper, so I've had real experience!" (and he hasn't even said the word 'scoop' yet). Perry gives him the brushoff in a nice way, but Clark sees Herb as his way out of his dilemma with Lois.

Clark pulls Herb aside and tells him to promise Perry White a scoop a day for a whole week. Herb is unsure but after a pep talk from Clark, he'll give it a try. Perry agrees to the idea, but thinks it's impossible. Lois says, "He doesn't know how hard scoops are to find!" Clark then has a long internal thought wherein he self-refers as Superman and then says both "scoop" and "scoop-madness" (feeling tipsy yet?).

I foresee lots of trouble for Lois and an unfair advantage for Herbert. I also foresee Clark Kent getting fired because he won't be around the office, won't file any stories (scoops or otherwise) and what am I saying? Clark is a star reporter! He'll be safe. But will Lois? Keep that drinking arm in shape because there are more scoops and more Golden Age fun in Part 2 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE! Be here or be sober!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 4, finale): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

When last we read, the Purple Priestess was going to have Wonder Woman bring down the statue of the Goddess Vultura and keel everyone below. Now on to the thrilling conclusion:

PP whispers a command to the princess and the (mentally helpless) Allura does as she's told, asking the goddess Vultura to give judgment on the prisoners. Just as we feared, Wonder Woman's mighty Amazon power pulls the statue off its moorings, and it's headed for a massive girl-crushing! PP punctuates the picture with, "Aah--Ooh! Ze prisoners are guilty -- ze goddess hurls her statue upon them!" (It looks like the end for Wonder Woman, Etta, Princess-- aww heck, see list of victims in part 3.)

"But though the malicious Purple Priestess counted on Wonder Woman's strength, she did not foresee the Amazon's incredible resistance to hurtling tons of metal..." That's right, boys and boys, Diana manages to plant her feet and stop the force of the falling statue by bracing her back. (Man, that back has had a workout in this story).

And against her mighty strength, the statue stops falling and is held above the heads of the kneeling prisoners. (I wonder if the shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back will restore Wonder Woman's brain to normal?

"The shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back restores Wonder Woman's brain to normal." (Caught me completely by surprise) Wonder Woman thinks, "I-I can think again! What am I doing holding this silly statue and wearing these puny chains? Great goddesses! There's the Purple Priestess!"

(Love this panel! It's a picture of Wonder Woman thinking about silly statues and puny chains. Innit cool? I like the look on her face. In fact, I've used it as an avatar on many boards.)

Apparently, carrying statues on her back gets Wondy hot because the text box says, "The aroused Amazon whips into action". Whatever turns you on, baby, cuz look at her fling that giant statue aside, crashing it into bits! (Even though Wonder Woman has smashed the king's favorite goddess, he probably won't bill her for it, because he was getting pretty sick of that statue's demands. I hate it when metal talks through an evil priestess, don't you?)

When PP tries to get away, WW lassoes her, saying "Just a minute, Purple Priestess -- You've a date on Reform Island for some Amazon Taming!" (note: Reform Island is a small island near Paradise Island where all the female prisoners go. They wear belts of submission and learn to control their evilness through loving submission to Amazon overlords. Sometimes it works. Baroness Paula Von Gunther went to Reform Island and eventually became a top Amazon scientist and Diana's best friend. Sometimes it doesn't work, and prisoners escape to wreak more havoc.)

Wonder Woman unmasks PP and realizes with a shock that she's really Sinestra, "the enemy spy who worked against America during the war!" What a coup for Lt. Diana Prince! She caught a war criminal!

Later, after everyone has recovered from the purple gas, Diana bids adieu to the king, who is very happy to see water once again flowing in his country's fields. Etta and the girls decide to stay, to study those windmills without being kidnapped (always a danger around windmills, ask the Dutch)! Princess Allura gives Diana a big hug and vows to be like Wonder Woman. Zarikan will no longer worship the cruel Vultura (hey -- it was the Priestesses fault! You don't really think the statue was calling the shots do you?) . Instead, they'll worship truth and goodness. (Yeah, but trying making a giant statue of truth and goodness! Not so easy, as they'll find out!) Who needs steenking freedom of religion when you've got a royal family telling you what to worship?

Oh, heck, this tender scene deserves a big "Awww"! Besides, you can find more Wonder Woman adventures in Comic Cavalcade and Sensation Comics -- and that makes a very happy ending!

That, my friends, closes the book on Wonder Woman #25. You have it cover to cover. Life is always better when you own lots and lots of Wonder Woman comics. Every issue has all the fun, danger, superheroics, adventure and bondage that any kid could want! Go out and buy one today!

Now, please write me a comment if you read this whole thing. Tell me what you thought or I'll shut down your windmills!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 3): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

When last we read, The Purple Priestess had decided to keel Wonder Woman, Etta Candy, and the Holliday Girls. And now, back to the story:

Etta and her girls are babed out in swimsuits (Woo Woo!), ready to rescue Wonder Woman. (note: in Wonder Woman comics, Etta Candy -- a short, overweight college student -- comes to the rescue of WW as often as she herself needs rescuing. Etta has saved Diana on many occasions. She's also saved Steve Trevor. It's pretty remarkable, when you think about it, that in this comic the message isn't that you have to have superpowers to be brave and heroic. You just have to care about others. Etta was a unique character, the likes of whom hasn't been seen since.)

The girls swim through the underground river, looking for windmill pipes. Suddenly, they feel something pulling them underwater! (and not one of them is swimming on their heads with their feet out of the water, like the maids. I'm proud of Etta and the girls for learning how to be captured properly. I do wonder where Etta suddenly acquired those enormous Popeye arms and legs, though.)

With ropes around their ankles, they're pulled into an underwater pipe by divers, one of whom is clearly the Purple Priestess! Once inside, PP closes a gate and drains the pipe. Etta instantly realizes that this is why the windmills stopped pumping water. She threatens to tell the king, but PP is unfazed. "You'll nevair tell anyone anyzing, Fatima!" (Ooh, that low-down Pimply Priestess made a fat joke! Them's strugglin' words!)

PP and her slave maids carry the bound women through a labyrinth of pipes, into a room with metal tables. They are strapped down onto the tables (anyone wishing this story had MORE bondage? Because there was one panel awhile back that didn't have anyone tied up. We could draw in little chains so it wouldn't feel lonely). PP calls for some purple mind-paralyzing gas™. Things don't look good for Etta and the gals.

Back in her throne room, PP hears from a slave maid that the king is in the temple. We hear that PP has plans to take over Zarikan and rid herself of Wonder Woman once and for all. (Where is WW, by the way? Two whole pages just went by without any mention of her. Pretty significant for a 12 page story.)

The king supplicates himself in front of PP and the statue of Vultura, asking why his daughter is still missing and why there's still no water. PP blames the "foreign women". Vultura is angry at them and will decide their fate, after which the windmills will be turned on again, and the princess returned.

The prisoners are paraded in front of PP. There's Wonder Woman! Finally! She's with Etta and the girls. They're all bound and dizzy (you can tell they're dizzy because they have swirly lines above their heads). Wonder Woman is chained to the huge statue of Vultura, while Etta and the girls are made to kneel before her, their hands tied behind their backs. (Cool visual, huh? That massive statue of Vultura is neato. But threatening and menacing -- I'm sure there's no escape!)

Ooh, but things aren't looking good. PP gives "mentally helpless" WW a peculiar command: "When Princess Allura calls for judgment, you will pull forward on your wrist-chain with all your Amazon power!" "Y-Yes, Mistress," replies mentally helpless Wonder Woman. (Holy falling statues of Vultura! That will kill everyone! Wonder Woman, the king, the princess, Etta, the holiday girls and maybe even a slave maid or two! Oh, I don't like the looks of this, no siree bob!)

Will Princess Allura call for judgment? Will Wonder Woman pull on her wrist chains? Will the giant statue crush everyone despite the fact that there's decades worth of Wonder Woman comics yet to printed after this story? Stay tuned tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to THE JUDGMENT OF THE GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 2): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

"Flashing through space 3000 miles per minute, Wonder Woman speeds to Zarikan." (note: Marston was always changing the top speed of the invisible plane. But he often gave a hard figure. Probably wanted to sound scientific.) Wonder Woman finds Etta comforting King Yuka of Zarikan. He's very distraught over his kidnapped daughter (you can tell he's upset because he says "Ohhh woe!")

When prompted to relate the story of the kidnapping, King Yuka gives some exposition -- I mean background. All of Zarikan's water comes from underground streams and the water is pumped to the surface via windmills. The king and his daughter went to the sacred temple of the goddess Vultura (guardian of subterranean waterways) and they witnessed an amazing spectacle.

"Flames encompassed ze statue of ze goddess and a magic figure appeared--!" Hmmm... by shear coincidence, the magic figure is wearing a purple gown and has a daisy on her head. Waitasecond! That's... that's.... could it be? It's the Purple Priestess! And she's calling herself the messenger of the goddess Vultura!

The priestess tells the king that she was sent by the goddess to save him from his wickedness and that he needs to give daily offerings of gold and food to appease Vultura. Otherwise, the windmills will fail to pump water and the crops will die. (Hey Kingy! Start investigating alternative energy sources like oil, nukes and stuff! Forget the wind and its goddess-controlled ficklery. I made up a new word. Heh.)

The king obeyed daisy-head, but when the princess and her maidens went for their daily swim in the underground river, they were pulled beneath the surface! (Not to put too fine a point on things, but if something caught the Princess's leg and is pulling her down, why are all the maidens going under head first? Do they swim upside down?) One maiden escaped, and told the king the story. All the others, including his daughter, Princess Allura, were never seen again. The escapee claims it was Vultura, but Wondy is positive it's just the priestess, trying to get more ill-gotten gains from the king.

Foolishly, King Yuka doesn't listen to the superhero in his living room, so he brings 3 times the amount of gold and grain as before. Wonder Woman carries in the booty, workhorse that she is, even though it was against her better judgment. She's a trooper (and she lifts with her legs, not her back).

Wonder Woman puts her finger to her eye, which denotes thinking (I always point to my eye when I think) and notices that this Purple Priestess is wearing the same clothes as the other Purple Priestess. Could they be the same person? (Ya think?) At the same time, PP doesn't have any trouble putting two and two together and realizes that Wonder Woman is Wonder Woman, no matter where she shows up (hence, no finger to the eye. Instead, she makes a fist, which means "Why I oughta...!" in sign language).

I believe their conversation went something like this:
WW: Is my eye make-up too thick?
PP: It's perfect! Do you like the way my green veil clings to the shape of my face?
WWW: It's lovely. Let's be best friends.
PP: (thinking) She's hot! I'd switch teams for her.
WW: (thinking) If only she'd take off the green veil. Then I'd know if she's hot or not.
King Yuka: (thinking) Please, please, please, Goddess Vultura, allow me to see some girl on girl action!

PP demands that her slave maidens gather up the grains and gold. It's uncertain how they'll manage this, since their hands are all bound. The king asks if PP will now free his daughter, but no dice. PP is disinclined to let go of her ace in the hole, so she tells kingy that although the goddess is pleased with his gifts, she wants more: a human sacrifice! And with that, she points to none other than Wonder Woman as the sacrifice du jour! And shocker of shockers, Diana agrees!

But the king has had enough! Defiantly, he renounces the goddess Vultura, saying he'll burn down the temple if he has to! PP says, "Silence, foolish king! Your defiance shall cost you all your crops -- famine shall prevail until you atone for your sacrilege!" (Man, that's great dialogue! That is primo comic book stuff, there. I wish people talked like that all the time. "Silence, foolish grocery store bagger! Your insistence on plastic instead of paper shall cost you your week's supply of Clearasil! The manager shall prevail until you bow to my bagging needs!" Yeah, that would be sweeeet!)

Oh, but the prophecy comes true!! The windmills stop pumping water and the crops begin to whither and die. Zounds! Once again, WW offers herself as a human sacrifice. (Oh just let her, already! She obviously wants it! It will give her a chance to be bound by chains, for crying out loud! She likes that.) The king has no choice but to let her do it. He's already given all his food to the goddess, so there's no way to keep famine at bay.

Later in the temple, Wonder Woman is bound and placed at the feet of the statue of Vultura. The flames rise and appear to consume the superhero. Etta blames herself for having summoned Diana in the first place. But ho! All is not as it seems. There's a trap door in the altar!

She winds up in a chamber filled with purple gas! Before she's overcome by the fumes, she notices Princess Allura chained to the wall. PP is there, and tells WW that it's "mind-paralyzing gas" (formed by the noxious emissions of thousands of comic book collectors after a Taco Bell binge). The gas makes people lose their will power (and it makes your belches taste like burritos).

"The potent purple gas quickly reduces Wonder Woman to a weird state of coma -- she cannot control her own brain." ('she cannot control her own brain'? What a delightfully weird way of putting it. Much better than "she's high on goofballs.") When the Priestess questions her, Diana spills all, telling her that she recognized PP as the cult leader and that the Holliday Girls are going to explore the underground river, to find out why the windmills aren't working. (That is a weird coma if you can hold conversations. That purple gas is as good as a golden lasso of truth. Feel the power of your Taco-induced gastrointestinal emissions, comic fans!) Things are looking grim -- and purple -- for Wonder Woman!

PP silently decides to "keel" Etta & the Holliday Girls, as well as the princess and Wonder Woman. (Lotsa keeling to do, when will she find the time?)

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 1): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

"Never before has the alluring maid from Paradise Island faced a more scheming and sinister villainess than the Purple Priestess. It takes great ingenuity -- superhuman courage for our lovely heroine to save her friends -- in fact a whole kingdom from a fiendish death trap in the story of "THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA."

In the magnificent splash page, Wonder Woman is chained (how unusual!) to a giant winged statue of a woman, and it is falling, about to crush Diana, Etta Candy, and some of the Holliday Girls -- all of whom are also bound. I'm shocked -- shocked! -- that there would be bondage in a golden age Wonder Woman comic! It's unheard of! Unique! Unexpected! In nearly every panel!

The story starts fast from the first panel. "In a tenement basement of the city's waterfront district, a strange spectacle takes place." We see three well-dressed women with their hands bound behind their backs. (Bondage! I'm shocked! I'm -- oh forget it.) Men in robes, with half masks on their faces are holding the women. On a throne, holding a torch, is the Purple Priestess. She appears to be wearing a daisy on her head. Brrrr... nothing scarier than a daisy!

The women are upset because they gave all their money to the Priestess so that she could cure their ailing husbands with her mystic powers. But it was all bunk. The Priestess decides to kill the "lowly females", so there'll be no proof of her racket (her word, not mine). But one of the women had notified Wonder Woman, and suddenly, that is exactly who bursts through the door. "Get her! Keel her!" (Apparently, Daisyhead is rather nautical.)

Wondy makes short work of the henchmen, and does it so handily, one of the henchees admiringly says, "Oof! Whatta woman!" Methinks he was the masochist in the bunch. Bet he's gonna miss being stepped on by the priestess's purple sandals. Meanwhile, our villain slips away.

After beating up half a dozen guys (and those were only the ones pictured), and realizing that the priestess had escaped, Wonder Woman carries the unconscious thugs on her back to the jailhouse. She figures she'll trail PP after going to the lock-up.

Alas, months pass and there's no sign of the cult leader. Then one day, Diana (Wonder Woman) Prince receives a mental radio message from Etta Candy. Etta is visiting Zarikan, studying their windmill waterpower system (green power, baby, it's the wave of the future!). But horrors! The Purple Priestess has kidnapped the Princess and "the country's strongest maids" and there's no one left to vacuum and dust! No, wait -- she meant maids as in 'maids a'milkin' not 'You missed a spot, Hazel.' Etta fears she and the Holliday Girls will be next! "Suffering Sappho!"

Diana speeds out of her office, while Steve Trevor uses his high IQ by dismissing the thought that Diana Prince could be Princess (Wonder Woman) Diana. Using the Wisdom of Athena, Wonder Woman thinks, "The leader of that cure-all cult was called 'Purple Priestess.' Hmm -- she talked with a Zarikanian accent -- I must fly to Zarikan pronto!" Hmmm, indeed, Diana! Imagine the coincidence of a villainess speaking with a Zarikanian accent and then suddenly someone by the exact same name starts causing trouble in Zarikan! Could there be some connection between the two Zarikanian Purple Priestesses? Or is there an evil, daisy-wearing, purple-garbed Zarikanian Priestess around every corner these days?

In a blur of flying clothing (not pictured because this is a G-rated blog) Diana Prince becomes the Alluring Amazon herself: Wonder Woman! She calls her plane via mental robot control (I don't make this stuff up, I just report the facts) and leaps out of the window, grabbing the invisible ladder. She's very worried about Etta and her gang, because the Purple Priestess will know something's up if she spots "American girls."

Uh oh, this doesn't look good! Etta is in trouble, the Purple Priestess is on the loose, and thar be trouble ahead! What a terrible place for me to stop posting, huh?

And yet, I will. Tune in tomorrow for part two of THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 2, finale): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

When last we met, Teazy had just started a fire which was in danger of burning the house down. Now, on with our story:

Myrna gets on the phone immediately to call -- Diana Prince! (what's that, you say? She should have called the fire department? Whattaya nuts? ALWAYS call military intelligence when the house is on fire. Duh.) Myrna begs Diana to find Wonder Woman, for only the double W could possibly save the house in time to rescue the formula. "Before Myrna can hang up the phone, Diana transforms herself to Wonder Woman and puts out the fire with "her tremendous Amazon lung power." (NOT to be confused with Superman's super-breath. They're two different things. Not at all similar. Except for them both being, y'know, strong blowy breath powers.)

Myrna inspects the safe and, because she can't find the formula, assumes it was burned. But Wonder Woman, smart cookie that she is, figures that whoever opened the safe took it, as she can find no charred fragments. Steve Trevor and his men show up to investigate. Myrna, knowing she hadn't opened the safe, immediately fingers Teasy (what a loving mother). Steve questions the young carrot top but he claims that all he did was burn up everything, not open the safe. Wonder Woman stands by Teasy, claiming he always tells the truth, so Steve assumes it had to have been Myrna who opened it.

Steve accuses Myrna, but before she can speak, Wonder Woman says, "Wait, Steve – the 'Yellow-Mask' gang of international racketeers (or the YMGoIR, as I like to call'em) are after this anti-atomic formula -- maybe THEY did this! Myrna, will you take a LIE DETECTOR TEST?" (interesting that Wonder Woman chooses a lie detector test as opposed to her lasso. Think Marston was trying to publicize his little invention here? Saying it was equal to the golden lasso?) Myrna agrees to take the test, but wants to change clothes first (obviously she couldn't tell the truth in her current outfit).

Time passes and no Myrna. The army dudes assume she's taken a powder, but Wonder Woman believes in her still. However, she discovers that both Myrna and Teasy are gone! "She's escaped," says Steve, "and she took the kid with her!" His assistant says, "I'll issue Dragnet orders, Sir!" (Hello, operator? I'd like to order a rerun of episode 37, "Joe and Bill are in Bunko" -- you know, the one where Joe wears that blue suit and asks the lady for 'just the facts, ma'am'?")

Ah, but now we see what really happened! When Myrna went to change her clothes, some men wearing ... gulp... yellow masks(!) grabbed her. They tie her up, gag her and put her in their car. At their deadquarters (hee hee -- that was a typo I actually made and I decided to leave it because, really, is that a typo or what?) Myrna is blindfolded and introduced to the big boss: A beautiful, raven-haired seductress, who uses a cigarette holder, has large hoop earrings, a snazzy red sash around her waist and speaks with an accent. "Hm -- zee por laydee eez frighten -- I weel talk weeth her. Breeng us tea," says the boss. (The accent is supposed to be Spanish, I guess, because she calls Myrna, "Senora") Bosslady apologizes for keeping Myrna bound, but offers to serve her the tea personally. We can see Bosslady slipping something into the brew and Myrna feels the effects immediately.

"Ha!" says bosslady. "I geev her zee drug we use on preesoners of war to make zem talk. Put her in zee BLACK ROOM." Bosslady will question Myrna and then they'll silence her -- for keeps!

Meanwhile, let's catch up to that spunky orphan, Teasy. He decides, after seeing what a problem his fire caused, to beat himself up. So he socks himself on the jaw (I'm not making this up). Not wanting to return to the orphanage, he decides to run away. However, he happens to see his mom being kidnapped, so he grabs the rear bumper. "The car roared away with the game little Teasy impersonating the tail of a comet."

He manages to hang on with one hand, despite the pain in his shoulder until something in it snaps, and he drops the bumper. Luckily, it was at the top of a hill, so he can see the car reach its destination. "By Jiminy Jumpers" he exclaims.

"Meanwhile, Wonder Woman, using her Amazon woodcraft, finds a clue." (Amazon woodcraft? Is that on her list of superpowers? Wow. Captain Marvel doesn't have a single letter that stands for woodcraft. This PROVES she's got it all over him). She follows the car's tracks until she runs into Teasy. He shows Wonder Woman where they've taken his mom and bravely tells her to ignore his injuries and save Myrna. She races to the farmhouse but, when she grasps the doorknob, is shocked into paralysis by electric current. (Doesn't it seem a bit extreme to electrify the doorknob? Man, that boss lady is evil.)

Unconscious, she is chained by the bosslady (whose name, we now find out, is Tirza). Go back to your Batmans, Dr. Wertham, there's nothing sexual going on here. Just some girl on girl bondage, that's it. Harmless fun.

She's taken to the black room, where Myrna points out that their ankles are wired for electrocution! "Oh-h -- if MEN chained my bracelets -- I'm helpless!" cries Wonder Woman. Two chained women, hooked up to electrodes. Still kid's stuff, Wertham!

Meanwhile, Tirza interrogates Mr. Mal Stone and accuses him of having the formula. He admits it. Menacingly, she says, "Zis knife ees my favoreet persuadair! You weel tell where zee formula ees or --" "I -- I'll TELL! (what a "rock", huh?) It's in my sh-shoe--" quickly interrupts the cowardly Mal. (In his shoe? His SHOE? I can see why this villain was so easily "defeated.") (The management would like to apologize for that last pun. It seems Joanna had a horrible, disfiguring accident to her funny bone, and well, you can see the result. Tragic, huh?)

Tirza goes to the black room (whose walls, by the way, are light blue. go figure) and decides to pull the switch on Wonder Woman and Myrna. She tells Wondy that there's no use pulling at the chains, as she welded them herself. "You DID!" shouts Wonder Woman. "Then a WOMAN chained me -- I HAVEN'T lost my strength!" (You'd think she would have at least TRIED to break free earlier -- on the off chance a woman, namely the evil person who did everything else, had chained her -- wouldn't ya? Guess the wisdom of Athena comes and goes.) Bursting free, Wonder Woman grabs the formula and Tirza's hair, then flips the woman to the ground. Game, set and match!

Meanwhile, Teasy has led Steve and his army guys to the farmhouse. "You're the gamest kid I ever met, Teasy!" says Stevie. The Dearfield family is reunited and a grateful Teasy thanks Wonder Woman for saving his mom. "Now I'm adopted!" he says as he stands between his loving parents. "YOU saved (your mom) and the formula, Teasy," says Wonder Woman, then admonishes the lad not to start anything until his arm heals.

Now that you've read along with me, I betcha you're just aching to know what the third story in this comic is about, huh? Two words: Purple Priestess!!!!!

There's only one thing you can do to find out what is in store for Wonder Woman from the Purple Priestess: tell the author of this golden age comic you just revisited that you want, nae MUST have more! Oh, and, um, why not throw in a comment or two about what you thought of Teasy's little adventure, too. I mean, as long as you're writing a note and all. Okee-doke?

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 1): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

Time to start a new story. Same comic, second feature. Hope you have fun!

"T.Z.Y. is the most mischievous, reckless, lovable young redhead who ever deserved the nick-name TEASY! You'll love this kid (betcha I won't. Heart of stone, that's me. I defy you to make me love the lil brat), but you'll hold your breath at the terrible scrapes he gets himself into. You'll thrill too, as you watch WONDER WOMAN battling the lovely but terrible 'Yellow-Mask' Gang leader in this episode called, 'WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?'"

The splash page shows Wonder Woman holding a notarized document in one hand and with the other she's holding the hair of a gypsy-looking woman and using said hair to throw her to the ground. In the background, a blonde is tied to a post. And we can see broken chains hanging off Wonder Woman's bracelets. Step right up, boys and girls, I smell bondage!

"At 'Suburban County Orphanage' young Thomas Zenophan Yerxes, better known as TEASY, (T.Z.Y.) points excitedly to a mud-puddle." (memorize that full name -- you never know when it's going to come up in a trivia quiz -- and I hate this kid already). Teasy urges his playmates to look into the mud puddle. And the doofuses do. "What's in this puddle?" asks one intellectually challenged orphan. Teasy jumps in the puddle and informs them there's mud in it. ha ha. (rotten rotten kid) Right then, Mrs. Grimfall, the matron, calls the boys to come and greet the visitors -- prospective parents. Oh no! They're all covered with mud! Teasy fesses up immediately, upset that his little prank has caused harm. Awwww. (shucks, I love this kid...)

Just as Mrs. Grimfall is scolding Teasy, telling him no one will ever want to adopt him, Wonder Woman shows up with a blonde who is looking to adopt a boy. It's "Mrs. Alton Dearfield, wife of the famous atomic scientist -- she's looking to adopt a boy," says Wondy. (didja think I'd lie about that?) Mrs. D is immediately drawn to Teasy, but he warns her that he's "foolish and bad" and "nobody'll adopt me. I gotta play straight with yer!"

Mrs. Grimfall chimes in, basically saying he isn't a bad kid, just troublesome. Wonder Woman opines that Teasy's frankness and honesty means a lot. (C'mon, Mrs. D -- adopt him! Ya gotta LOVE this kid!)

Soon, the room is filled with well-dressed ladies, all choosing boys to adopt (no girls here. Wonder why? Only boys are orphaned? pshaw.) Teasy sits alone crying, knowing no one will adopt him (yeah, right). Meanwhile, Wonder Woman urges Mrs. Dearfield to adopt Teasy. Mrs. D agrees, but is afraid Teasy doesn't like her. She asks Teasy if he'd like to be her little boy, but he tells her stop kiddin' him. She sadly observes that he must not like her. Teasy leaps into her arms, professing his love.

Awwww, ain't this just too precious for words? I mean, I'm holding my breath at all the terrible scrapes he gets in, but I love this kid!

So Mrs. D gets Teasy on a trial basis. She can give him back if her husband and she don't like him (sorta like when you order stuff from an infomercial -- there's always a return clause. 1-800-ORPHANS. I saw it last night on cable. Not TOO rough on the hearts of the kids.) Wonder Woman realizes that she's supposed to be at Dr. Dearfield's lab as Diana Prince and makes her excuses.

Mrs. D introduces Teasy to her handsome husband, as well as Lt. Diana Prince and Dr. D's lab assistant, Mr. Mal Stone (Mr. Sick Rock? Gallstone? Millstone? Argh! I'm not getting the name pun here, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong! The doctors warned me that the disfiguring injury to my funny bone awhile back would have unforeseen consequences!) Mal Stone says, "A redheaded 'Teasy' -- hm --". (So what the heck does that mean? Could Mr. Mal Stone be... a bad guy??? With a lovely name like that? Mal Stone -- Bad Rock? Wrong Rock? Rock Hudson? Hudson Valley? Valley Forge? Knock on any Norge? Norgee and Bess? Pepto-Bess-mol? Mal Stone?)

Doc D tells his wife he's succeeded in perfecting the atom-neutralizing formula and tells her to put it in the safe at home. Diana immediately sees the military implications and insists the army safeguard it, but Doc D says it'll be safe at home cuz crooks would NEVER think to look there. Mr. Wrong Rock stands in the background looking suspicious. Myrna Dearfield walks home with Teasy and never notices a suspicious character hiding behind the tree. Nor does she see a furtive figure watching her through the window as she puts it in the safe, though the furtive figures bears a striking resemblance to the suspicious character. Teasy, however, brags that he could open the safe because he saw the numbers she dialed. Myrna warns him not to touch it (boy oh boy -- where could this story be going? Such a mystery).

Time passes and Teasy, though still mischievous, has wiggled his way into his new parents' hearts. Next week, they get to adopt him. Teasy is all aquiver. He decides to celebrate by burning down their house. Well... that wasn't exactly his plan. He wanted to make fireworks, like the fourth of July, so he lights some newspapers on fire to make torches and runs from room to room "doing a war dance". The safe, we notice, is strangely open and its papers have fallen to the floor. (The suspense here is amazing. There is just no way to foresee what's going to happen.)

Suddenly the paper torch burns low and Teasy drops it -- right onto the stack of papers!!! (D'oh! Is my face red! Who knew the torch would fall into those papers, huh?) He tries to put it out, but the fire only grows. He calls for his mom, but by now the fire is out of control.

This is terrible! What's going to happen? Is this the end for Teasy? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of "Who'll Adopt Teasy?"