Monday, January 21, 2008

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 3): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

When last we read, Lois had conquered her first superhero for her kissing story. Green Arrow was more than willing to forego his blow-up doll arrow and indulge in a little lip on lip action with the Metropolis's most famous female reporter. And now, with an Aquaman sighting getting Lois all revved up, let's return to THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE:

"Gosh, Lana, I must cover that disaster! Aquaman will be there in person! Please give me a lift!" Despite the obvious hussy-ness of Lois's sudden interest in the story, Lana agrees to give her a ride.

Lana is worried about the passengers, but Lois has faith in the sea king. "He communicates with his sea creatures through fish telepathy!" she says. And there's Aquaman now -- standing on the back of a whale, directing a plethora of big fishies (And once again we can thank our lucky stars that fish think in English).

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The rescue is Aquariffic! Octopi help people off the boat, while other passengers climb down ladders made of eels and swordfish (wouldn't eel ladders be rather slippery?).

So what happens once they're in the water? "...the dolphins, tarpins and sharks [are] waiting to transport you to the shore." (Sharks? SHARKS?? Oh gee, thanks, Aquaman! I'm so glad you're here, otherwise that octopus wouldn't have just handed me to a shark! You couldn't have sent a tuna or a dolphin?) But Arthur (again, first name basis) has ordered his toothy helpers not to dine on anyone, so all's well. However, the guy riding the shark looks a tad nervous.

Naturally, when all is well, Aquaman comes to shore and is accosted by Lois. "That cheap thing is at it again!" thinks Lana. "But she won't get anywhere with Aquaman! Heroes like him don't like to be rushed by girls!" (So... is she trying to say that Aquaman is gay? And if so, does she know about Batman and Robin or are those still rumors? Personally, I always thought Elongated Man had a certain "quality" -- and that Sue Dibney is a beard.)

Lana's cameraman is either a Canadian mind-reader, or he glanced at her thought balloon, because he says, "'Doesn’t like it", eh?' Listen to Aquaman! " Arty has turned off his fish telepathy, because he's begging for more like the randy he-man he is (so much for Lana's theory!), and he ain't kissing a flounder! The Irresistible Lois Lane is planting lipstick all over his big, blond head! (I believe his thought balloon would probably read, "The lips, Lois! Aim for the lips!")

Lana is jealous, Lois redoes her lipstick and Aquaman rides off on a whale -- just like so many dates end in high school.

Is Lois's kissing spree over? Is there anyone left? Perhaps we should check that cover once again – uh oh! Some guy dressed as a bat is last in line but looking very eager! This sounds like a job for THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE! (Come back on Wednesday to see if Lois can get rabies from kissing a Batman)

6 comments:

F.S. said...

Love the image of the octopi "passing" people off the ship to waiting dolphins, tarpons, and sharks. You can tell by their beady fish eyes that they want to nibble off a finger or two on the way down. (I had to google to find out what a tarpon was.)

Also, why does Aquaman need to point with his finger if he's using Fish Telepathy? And how do the whales and dolphins receive Fish Telepathy, since they're not fish?

On a less crabby note, it's good to see that pollution in the East River (or whatever it's called in Metropolis) hasn't affected the health of the marine life.

Loving this series ... counting the days 'til Wednesday.

Joanna Sandsmark said...

There are SO many things to question in this sequence, it's mind-boggling. And that's one reason I love it. Pure wackiness. Imagination run wild.

I also love the fact that you're now hooked, Fred. All part of my evil comic-loving plan!

viagra online said...

For a long time I've been a comic reader, because I love comics, however, the sequence of this one no sense, well I guess so.

Cialis Online said...

Lois Lane has had romance with Aquaman, Batman and another characters. She without doubts is a kind of cheap whore.

César Hernández-Meraz said...

He communicates with his "sea creatures" using "fish telepathy".

Sea creatures, regardless of what type of creature they are, are required to learn to receive, understand and obey Aquaman's fish telepathy.

They take Fish as a Second Language classes at school. And let's not start again by saying "schools are only for fish". That's speciesism.

Joanna Sandsmark said...

Thanks for joining in on the fun, César!