Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 4, finale): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

When last we read, the Purple Priestess was going to have Wonder Woman bring down the statue of the Goddess Vultura and keel everyone below. Now on to the thrilling conclusion:

PP whispers a command to the princess and the (mentally helpless) Allura does as she's told, asking the goddess Vultura to give judgment on the prisoners. Just as we feared, Wonder Woman's mighty Amazon power pulls the statue off its moorings, and it's headed for a massive girl-crushing! PP punctuates the picture with, "Aah--Ooh! Ze prisoners are guilty -- ze goddess hurls her statue upon them!" (It looks like the end for Wonder Woman, Etta, Princess-- aww heck, see list of victims in part 3.)

"But though the malicious Purple Priestess counted on Wonder Woman's strength, she did not foresee the Amazon's incredible resistance to hurtling tons of metal..." That's right, boys and boys, Diana manages to plant her feet and stop the force of the falling statue by bracing her back. (Man, that back has had a workout in this story).

And against her mighty strength, the statue stops falling and is held above the heads of the kneeling prisoners. (I wonder if the shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back will restore Wonder Woman's brain to normal?

"The shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back restores Wonder Woman's brain to normal." (Caught me completely by surprise) Wonder Woman thinks, "I-I can think again! What am I doing holding this silly statue and wearing these puny chains? Great goddesses! There's the Purple Priestess!"

(Love this panel! It's a picture of Wonder Woman thinking about silly statues and puny chains. Innit cool? I like the look on her face. In fact, I've used it as an avatar on many boards.)

Apparently, carrying statues on her back gets Wondy hot because the text box says, "The aroused Amazon whips into action". Whatever turns you on, baby, cuz look at her fling that giant statue aside, crashing it into bits! (Even though Wonder Woman has smashed the king's favorite goddess, he probably won't bill her for it, because he was getting pretty sick of that statue's demands. I hate it when metal talks through an evil priestess, don't you?)

When PP tries to get away, WW lassoes her, saying "Just a minute, Purple Priestess -- You've a date on Reform Island for some Amazon Taming!" (note: Reform Island is a small island near Paradise Island where all the female prisoners go. They wear belts of submission and learn to control their evilness through loving submission to Amazon overlords. Sometimes it works. Baroness Paula Von Gunther went to Reform Island and eventually became a top Amazon scientist and Diana's best friend. Sometimes it doesn't work, and prisoners escape to wreak more havoc.)

Wonder Woman unmasks PP and realizes with a shock that she's really Sinestra, "the enemy spy who worked against America during the war!" What a coup for Lt. Diana Prince! She caught a war criminal!

Later, after everyone has recovered from the purple gas, Diana bids adieu to the king, who is very happy to see water once again flowing in his country's fields. Etta and the girls decide to stay, to study those windmills without being kidnapped (always a danger around windmills, ask the Dutch)! Princess Allura gives Diana a big hug and vows to be like Wonder Woman. Zarikan will no longer worship the cruel Vultura (hey -- it was the Priestesses fault! You don't really think the statue was calling the shots do you?) . Instead, they'll worship truth and goodness. (Yeah, but trying making a giant statue of truth and goodness! Not so easy, as they'll find out!) Who needs steenking freedom of religion when you've got a royal family telling you what to worship?

Oh, heck, this tender scene deserves a big "Awww"! Besides, you can find more Wonder Woman adventures in Comic Cavalcade and Sensation Comics -- and that makes a very happy ending!

That, my friends, closes the book on Wonder Woman #25. You have it cover to cover. Life is always better when you own lots and lots of Wonder Woman comics. Every issue has all the fun, danger, superheroics, adventure and bondage that any kid could want! Go out and buy one today!

Now, please write me a comment if you read this whole thing. Tell me what you thought or I'll shut down your windmills!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 3): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

When last we read, The Purple Priestess had decided to keel Wonder Woman, Etta Candy, and the Holliday Girls. And now, back to the story:

Etta and her girls are babed out in swimsuits (Woo Woo!), ready to rescue Wonder Woman. (note: in Wonder Woman comics, Etta Candy -- a short, overweight college student -- comes to the rescue of WW as often as she herself needs rescuing. Etta has saved Diana on many occasions. She's also saved Steve Trevor. It's pretty remarkable, when you think about it, that in this comic the message isn't that you have to have superpowers to be brave and heroic. You just have to care about others. Etta was a unique character, the likes of whom hasn't been seen since.)

The girls swim through the underground river, looking for windmill pipes. Suddenly, they feel something pulling them underwater! (and not one of them is swimming on their heads with their feet out of the water, like the maids. I'm proud of Etta and the girls for learning how to be captured properly. I do wonder where Etta suddenly acquired those enormous Popeye arms and legs, though.)

With ropes around their ankles, they're pulled into an underwater pipe by divers, one of whom is clearly the Purple Priestess! Once inside, PP closes a gate and drains the pipe. Etta instantly realizes that this is why the windmills stopped pumping water. She threatens to tell the king, but PP is unfazed. "You'll nevair tell anyone anyzing, Fatima!" (Ooh, that low-down Pimply Priestess made a fat joke! Them's strugglin' words!)

PP and her slave maids carry the bound women through a labyrinth of pipes, into a room with metal tables. They are strapped down onto the tables (anyone wishing this story had MORE bondage? Because there was one panel awhile back that didn't have anyone tied up. We could draw in little chains so it wouldn't feel lonely). PP calls for some purple mind-paralyzing gas™. Things don't look good for Etta and the gals.

Back in her throne room, PP hears from a slave maid that the king is in the temple. We hear that PP has plans to take over Zarikan and rid herself of Wonder Woman once and for all. (Where is WW, by the way? Two whole pages just went by without any mention of her. Pretty significant for a 12 page story.)

The king supplicates himself in front of PP and the statue of Vultura, asking why his daughter is still missing and why there's still no water. PP blames the "foreign women". Vultura is angry at them and will decide their fate, after which the windmills will be turned on again, and the princess returned.

The prisoners are paraded in front of PP. There's Wonder Woman! Finally! She's with Etta and the girls. They're all bound and dizzy (you can tell they're dizzy because they have swirly lines above their heads). Wonder Woman is chained to the huge statue of Vultura, while Etta and the girls are made to kneel before her, their hands tied behind their backs. (Cool visual, huh? That massive statue of Vultura is neato. But threatening and menacing -- I'm sure there's no escape!)

Ooh, but things aren't looking good. PP gives "mentally helpless" WW a peculiar command: "When Princess Allura calls for judgment, you will pull forward on your wrist-chain with all your Amazon power!" "Y-Yes, Mistress," replies mentally helpless Wonder Woman. (Holy falling statues of Vultura! That will kill everyone! Wonder Woman, the king, the princess, Etta, the holiday girls and maybe even a slave maid or two! Oh, I don't like the looks of this, no siree bob!)

Will Princess Allura call for judgment? Will Wonder Woman pull on her wrist chains? Will the giant statue crush everyone despite the fact that there's decades worth of Wonder Woman comics yet to printed after this story? Stay tuned tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to THE JUDGMENT OF THE GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 2): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

"Flashing through space 3000 miles per minute, Wonder Woman speeds to Zarikan." (note: Marston was always changing the top speed of the invisible plane. But he often gave a hard figure. Probably wanted to sound scientific.) Wonder Woman finds Etta comforting King Yuka of Zarikan. He's very distraught over his kidnapped daughter (you can tell he's upset because he says "Ohhh woe!")

When prompted to relate the story of the kidnapping, King Yuka gives some exposition -- I mean background. All of Zarikan's water comes from underground streams and the water is pumped to the surface via windmills. The king and his daughter went to the sacred temple of the goddess Vultura (guardian of subterranean waterways) and they witnessed an amazing spectacle.

"Flames encompassed ze statue of ze goddess and a magic figure appeared--!" Hmmm... by shear coincidence, the magic figure is wearing a purple gown and has a daisy on her head. Waitasecond! That's... that's.... could it be? It's the Purple Priestess! And she's calling herself the messenger of the goddess Vultura!

The priestess tells the king that she was sent by the goddess to save him from his wickedness and that he needs to give daily offerings of gold and food to appease Vultura. Otherwise, the windmills will fail to pump water and the crops will die. (Hey Kingy! Start investigating alternative energy sources like oil, nukes and stuff! Forget the wind and its goddess-controlled ficklery. I made up a new word. Heh.)

The king obeyed daisy-head, but when the princess and her maidens went for their daily swim in the underground river, they were pulled beneath the surface! (Not to put too fine a point on things, but if something caught the Princess's leg and is pulling her down, why are all the maidens going under head first? Do they swim upside down?) One maiden escaped, and told the king the story. All the others, including his daughter, Princess Allura, were never seen again. The escapee claims it was Vultura, but Wondy is positive it's just the priestess, trying to get more ill-gotten gains from the king.

Foolishly, King Yuka doesn't listen to the superhero in his living room, so he brings 3 times the amount of gold and grain as before. Wonder Woman carries in the booty, workhorse that she is, even though it was against her better judgment. She's a trooper (and she lifts with her legs, not her back).

Wonder Woman puts her finger to her eye, which denotes thinking (I always point to my eye when I think) and notices that this Purple Priestess is wearing the same clothes as the other Purple Priestess. Could they be the same person? (Ya think?) At the same time, PP doesn't have any trouble putting two and two together and realizes that Wonder Woman is Wonder Woman, no matter where she shows up (hence, no finger to the eye. Instead, she makes a fist, which means "Why I oughta...!" in sign language).

I believe their conversation went something like this:
WW: Is my eye make-up too thick?
PP: It's perfect! Do you like the way my green veil clings to the shape of my face?
WWW: It's lovely. Let's be best friends.
PP: (thinking) She's hot! I'd switch teams for her.
WW: (thinking) If only she'd take off the green veil. Then I'd know if she's hot or not.
King Yuka: (thinking) Please, please, please, Goddess Vultura, allow me to see some girl on girl action!

PP demands that her slave maidens gather up the grains and gold. It's uncertain how they'll manage this, since their hands are all bound. The king asks if PP will now free his daughter, but no dice. PP is disinclined to let go of her ace in the hole, so she tells kingy that although the goddess is pleased with his gifts, she wants more: a human sacrifice! And with that, she points to none other than Wonder Woman as the sacrifice du jour! And shocker of shockers, Diana agrees!

But the king has had enough! Defiantly, he renounces the goddess Vultura, saying he'll burn down the temple if he has to! PP says, "Silence, foolish king! Your defiance shall cost you all your crops -- famine shall prevail until you atone for your sacrilege!" (Man, that's great dialogue! That is primo comic book stuff, there. I wish people talked like that all the time. "Silence, foolish grocery store bagger! Your insistence on plastic instead of paper shall cost you your week's supply of Clearasil! The manager shall prevail until you bow to my bagging needs!" Yeah, that would be sweeeet!)

Oh, but the prophecy comes true!! The windmills stop pumping water and the crops begin to whither and die. Zounds! Once again, WW offers herself as a human sacrifice. (Oh just let her, already! She obviously wants it! It will give her a chance to be bound by chains, for crying out loud! She likes that.) The king has no choice but to let her do it. He's already given all his food to the goddess, so there's no way to keep famine at bay.

Later in the temple, Wonder Woman is bound and placed at the feet of the statue of Vultura. The flames rise and appear to consume the superhero. Etta blames herself for having summoned Diana in the first place. But ho! All is not as it seems. There's a trap door in the altar!

She winds up in a chamber filled with purple gas! Before she's overcome by the fumes, she notices Princess Allura chained to the wall. PP is there, and tells WW that it's "mind-paralyzing gas" (formed by the noxious emissions of thousands of comic book collectors after a Taco Bell binge). The gas makes people lose their will power (and it makes your belches taste like burritos).

"The potent purple gas quickly reduces Wonder Woman to a weird state of coma -- she cannot control her own brain." ('she cannot control her own brain'? What a delightfully weird way of putting it. Much better than "she's high on goofballs.") When the Priestess questions her, Diana spills all, telling her that she recognized PP as the cult leader and that the Holliday Girls are going to explore the underground river, to find out why the windmills aren't working. (That is a weird coma if you can hold conversations. That purple gas is as good as a golden lasso of truth. Feel the power of your Taco-induced gastrointestinal emissions, comic fans!) Things are looking grim -- and purple -- for Wonder Woman!

PP silently decides to "keel" Etta & the Holliday Girls, as well as the princess and Wonder Woman. (Lotsa keeling to do, when will she find the time?)

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 1): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

"Never before has the alluring maid from Paradise Island faced a more scheming and sinister villainess than the Purple Priestess. It takes great ingenuity -- superhuman courage for our lovely heroine to save her friends -- in fact a whole kingdom from a fiendish death trap in the story of "THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA."

In the magnificent splash page, Wonder Woman is chained (how unusual!) to a giant winged statue of a woman, and it is falling, about to crush Diana, Etta Candy, and some of the Holliday Girls -- all of whom are also bound. I'm shocked -- shocked! -- that there would be bondage in a golden age Wonder Woman comic! It's unheard of! Unique! Unexpected! In nearly every panel!

The story starts fast from the first panel. "In a tenement basement of the city's waterfront district, a strange spectacle takes place." We see three well-dressed women with their hands bound behind their backs. (Bondage! I'm shocked! I'm -- oh forget it.) Men in robes, with half masks on their faces are holding the women. On a throne, holding a torch, is the Purple Priestess. She appears to be wearing a daisy on her head. Brrrr... nothing scarier than a daisy!

The women are upset because they gave all their money to the Priestess so that she could cure their ailing husbands with her mystic powers. But it was all bunk. The Priestess decides to kill the "lowly females", so there'll be no proof of her racket (her word, not mine). But one of the women had notified Wonder Woman, and suddenly, that is exactly who bursts through the door. "Get her! Keel her!" (Apparently, Daisyhead is rather nautical.)

Wondy makes short work of the henchmen, and does it so handily, one of the henchees admiringly says, "Oof! Whatta woman!" Methinks he was the masochist in the bunch. Bet he's gonna miss being stepped on by the priestess's purple sandals. Meanwhile, our villain slips away.

After beating up half a dozen guys (and those were only the ones pictured), and realizing that the priestess had escaped, Wonder Woman carries the unconscious thugs on her back to the jailhouse. She figures she'll trail PP after going to the lock-up.

Alas, months pass and there's no sign of the cult leader. Then one day, Diana (Wonder Woman) Prince receives a mental radio message from Etta Candy. Etta is visiting Zarikan, studying their windmill waterpower system (green power, baby, it's the wave of the future!). But horrors! The Purple Priestess has kidnapped the Princess and "the country's strongest maids" and there's no one left to vacuum and dust! No, wait -- she meant maids as in 'maids a'milkin' not 'You missed a spot, Hazel.' Etta fears she and the Holliday Girls will be next! "Suffering Sappho!"

Diana speeds out of her office, while Steve Trevor uses his high IQ by dismissing the thought that Diana Prince could be Princess (Wonder Woman) Diana. Using the Wisdom of Athena, Wonder Woman thinks, "The leader of that cure-all cult was called 'Purple Priestess.' Hmm -- she talked with a Zarikanian accent -- I must fly to Zarikan pronto!" Hmmm, indeed, Diana! Imagine the coincidence of a villainess speaking with a Zarikanian accent and then suddenly someone by the exact same name starts causing trouble in Zarikan! Could there be some connection between the two Zarikanian Purple Priestesses? Or is there an evil, daisy-wearing, purple-garbed Zarikanian Priestess around every corner these days?

In a blur of flying clothing (not pictured because this is a G-rated blog) Diana Prince becomes the Alluring Amazon herself: Wonder Woman! She calls her plane via mental robot control (I don't make this stuff up, I just report the facts) and leaps out of the window, grabbing the invisible ladder. She's very worried about Etta and her gang, because the Purple Priestess will know something's up if she spots "American girls."

Uh oh, this doesn't look good! Etta is in trouble, the Purple Priestess is on the loose, and thar be trouble ahead! What a terrible place for me to stop posting, huh?

And yet, I will. Tune in tomorrow for part two of THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 2, finale): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

When last we met, Teazy had just started a fire which was in danger of burning the house down. Now, on with our story:

Myrna gets on the phone immediately to call -- Diana Prince! (what's that, you say? She should have called the fire department? Whattaya nuts? ALWAYS call military intelligence when the house is on fire. Duh.) Myrna begs Diana to find Wonder Woman, for only the double W could possibly save the house in time to rescue the formula. "Before Myrna can hang up the phone, Diana transforms herself to Wonder Woman and puts out the fire with "her tremendous Amazon lung power." (NOT to be confused with Superman's super-breath. They're two different things. Not at all similar. Except for them both being, y'know, strong blowy breath powers.)

Myrna inspects the safe and, because she can't find the formula, assumes it was burned. But Wonder Woman, smart cookie that she is, figures that whoever opened the safe took it, as she can find no charred fragments. Steve Trevor and his men show up to investigate. Myrna, knowing she hadn't opened the safe, immediately fingers Teasy (what a loving mother). Steve questions the young carrot top but he claims that all he did was burn up everything, not open the safe. Wonder Woman stands by Teasy, claiming he always tells the truth, so Steve assumes it had to have been Myrna who opened it.

Steve accuses Myrna, but before she can speak, Wonder Woman says, "Wait, Steve – the 'Yellow-Mask' gang of international racketeers (or the YMGoIR, as I like to call'em) are after this anti-atomic formula -- maybe THEY did this! Myrna, will you take a LIE DETECTOR TEST?" (interesting that Wonder Woman chooses a lie detector test as opposed to her lasso. Think Marston was trying to publicize his little invention here? Saying it was equal to the golden lasso?) Myrna agrees to take the test, but wants to change clothes first (obviously she couldn't tell the truth in her current outfit).

Time passes and no Myrna. The army dudes assume she's taken a powder, but Wonder Woman believes in her still. However, she discovers that both Myrna and Teasy are gone! "She's escaped," says Steve, "and she took the kid with her!" His assistant says, "I'll issue Dragnet orders, Sir!" (Hello, operator? I'd like to order a rerun of episode 37, "Joe and Bill are in Bunko" -- you know, the one where Joe wears that blue suit and asks the lady for 'just the facts, ma'am'?")

Ah, but now we see what really happened! When Myrna went to change her clothes, some men wearing ... gulp... yellow masks(!) grabbed her. They tie her up, gag her and put her in their car. At their deadquarters (hee hee -- that was a typo I actually made and I decided to leave it because, really, is that a typo or what?) Myrna is blindfolded and introduced to the big boss: A beautiful, raven-haired seductress, who uses a cigarette holder, has large hoop earrings, a snazzy red sash around her waist and speaks with an accent. "Hm -- zee por laydee eez frighten -- I weel talk weeth her. Breeng us tea," says the boss. (The accent is supposed to be Spanish, I guess, because she calls Myrna, "Senora") Bosslady apologizes for keeping Myrna bound, but offers to serve her the tea personally. We can see Bosslady slipping something into the brew and Myrna feels the effects immediately.

"Ha!" says bosslady. "I geev her zee drug we use on preesoners of war to make zem talk. Put her in zee BLACK ROOM." Bosslady will question Myrna and then they'll silence her -- for keeps!

Meanwhile, let's catch up to that spunky orphan, Teasy. He decides, after seeing what a problem his fire caused, to beat himself up. So he socks himself on the jaw (I'm not making this up). Not wanting to return to the orphanage, he decides to run away. However, he happens to see his mom being kidnapped, so he grabs the rear bumper. "The car roared away with the game little Teasy impersonating the tail of a comet."

He manages to hang on with one hand, despite the pain in his shoulder until something in it snaps, and he drops the bumper. Luckily, it was at the top of a hill, so he can see the car reach its destination. "By Jiminy Jumpers" he exclaims.

"Meanwhile, Wonder Woman, using her Amazon woodcraft, finds a clue." (Amazon woodcraft? Is that on her list of superpowers? Wow. Captain Marvel doesn't have a single letter that stands for woodcraft. This PROVES she's got it all over him). She follows the car's tracks until she runs into Teasy. He shows Wonder Woman where they've taken his mom and bravely tells her to ignore his injuries and save Myrna. She races to the farmhouse but, when she grasps the doorknob, is shocked into paralysis by electric current. (Doesn't it seem a bit extreme to electrify the doorknob? Man, that boss lady is evil.)

Unconscious, she is chained by the bosslady (whose name, we now find out, is Tirza). Go back to your Batmans, Dr. Wertham, there's nothing sexual going on here. Just some girl on girl bondage, that's it. Harmless fun.

She's taken to the black room, where Myrna points out that their ankles are wired for electrocution! "Oh-h -- if MEN chained my bracelets -- I'm helpless!" cries Wonder Woman. Two chained women, hooked up to electrodes. Still kid's stuff, Wertham!

Meanwhile, Tirza interrogates Mr. Mal Stone and accuses him of having the formula. He admits it. Menacingly, she says, "Zis knife ees my favoreet persuadair! You weel tell where zee formula ees or --" "I -- I'll TELL! (what a "rock", huh?) It's in my sh-shoe--" quickly interrupts the cowardly Mal. (In his shoe? His SHOE? I can see why this villain was so easily "defeated.") (The management would like to apologize for that last pun. It seems Joanna had a horrible, disfiguring accident to her funny bone, and well, you can see the result. Tragic, huh?)

Tirza goes to the black room (whose walls, by the way, are light blue. go figure) and decides to pull the switch on Wonder Woman and Myrna. She tells Wondy that there's no use pulling at the chains, as she welded them herself. "You DID!" shouts Wonder Woman. "Then a WOMAN chained me -- I HAVEN'T lost my strength!" (You'd think she would have at least TRIED to break free earlier -- on the off chance a woman, namely the evil person who did everything else, had chained her -- wouldn't ya? Guess the wisdom of Athena comes and goes.) Bursting free, Wonder Woman grabs the formula and Tirza's hair, then flips the woman to the ground. Game, set and match!

Meanwhile, Teasy has led Steve and his army guys to the farmhouse. "You're the gamest kid I ever met, Teasy!" says Stevie. The Dearfield family is reunited and a grateful Teasy thanks Wonder Woman for saving his mom. "Now I'm adopted!" he says as he stands between his loving parents. "YOU saved (your mom) and the formula, Teasy," says Wonder Woman, then admonishes the lad not to start anything until his arm heals.

Now that you've read along with me, I betcha you're just aching to know what the third story in this comic is about, huh? Two words: Purple Priestess!!!!!

There's only one thing you can do to find out what is in store for Wonder Woman from the Purple Priestess: tell the author of this golden age comic you just revisited that you want, nae MUST have more! Oh, and, um, why not throw in a comment or two about what you thought of Teasy's little adventure, too. I mean, as long as you're writing a note and all. Okee-doke?

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 1): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

Time to start a new story. Same comic, second feature. Hope you have fun!

"T.Z.Y. is the most mischievous, reckless, lovable young redhead who ever deserved the nick-name TEASY! You'll love this kid (betcha I won't. Heart of stone, that's me. I defy you to make me love the lil brat), but you'll hold your breath at the terrible scrapes he gets himself into. You'll thrill too, as you watch WONDER WOMAN battling the lovely but terrible 'Yellow-Mask' Gang leader in this episode called, 'WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?'"

The splash page shows Wonder Woman holding a notarized document in one hand and with the other she's holding the hair of a gypsy-looking woman and using said hair to throw her to the ground. In the background, a blonde is tied to a post. And we can see broken chains hanging off Wonder Woman's bracelets. Step right up, boys and girls, I smell bondage!

"At 'Suburban County Orphanage' young Thomas Zenophan Yerxes, better known as TEASY, (T.Z.Y.) points excitedly to a mud-puddle." (memorize that full name -- you never know when it's going to come up in a trivia quiz -- and I hate this kid already). Teasy urges his playmates to look into the mud puddle. And the doofuses do. "What's in this puddle?" asks one intellectually challenged orphan. Teasy jumps in the puddle and informs them there's mud in it. ha ha. (rotten rotten kid) Right then, Mrs. Grimfall, the matron, calls the boys to come and greet the visitors -- prospective parents. Oh no! They're all covered with mud! Teasy fesses up immediately, upset that his little prank has caused harm. Awwww. (shucks, I love this kid...)

Just as Mrs. Grimfall is scolding Teasy, telling him no one will ever want to adopt him, Wonder Woman shows up with a blonde who is looking to adopt a boy. It's "Mrs. Alton Dearfield, wife of the famous atomic scientist -- she's looking to adopt a boy," says Wondy. (didja think I'd lie about that?) Mrs. D is immediately drawn to Teasy, but he warns her that he's "foolish and bad" and "nobody'll adopt me. I gotta play straight with yer!"

Mrs. Grimfall chimes in, basically saying he isn't a bad kid, just troublesome. Wonder Woman opines that Teasy's frankness and honesty means a lot. (C'mon, Mrs. D -- adopt him! Ya gotta LOVE this kid!)

Soon, the room is filled with well-dressed ladies, all choosing boys to adopt (no girls here. Wonder why? Only boys are orphaned? pshaw.) Teasy sits alone crying, knowing no one will adopt him (yeah, right). Meanwhile, Wonder Woman urges Mrs. Dearfield to adopt Teasy. Mrs. D agrees, but is afraid Teasy doesn't like her. She asks Teasy if he'd like to be her little boy, but he tells her stop kiddin' him. She sadly observes that he must not like her. Teasy leaps into her arms, professing his love.

Awwww, ain't this just too precious for words? I mean, I'm holding my breath at all the terrible scrapes he gets in, but I love this kid!

So Mrs. D gets Teasy on a trial basis. She can give him back if her husband and she don't like him (sorta like when you order stuff from an infomercial -- there's always a return clause. 1-800-ORPHANS. I saw it last night on cable. Not TOO rough on the hearts of the kids.) Wonder Woman realizes that she's supposed to be at Dr. Dearfield's lab as Diana Prince and makes her excuses.

Mrs. D introduces Teasy to her handsome husband, as well as Lt. Diana Prince and Dr. D's lab assistant, Mr. Mal Stone (Mr. Sick Rock? Gallstone? Millstone? Argh! I'm not getting the name pun here, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong! The doctors warned me that the disfiguring injury to my funny bone awhile back would have unforeseen consequences!) Mal Stone says, "A redheaded 'Teasy' -- hm --". (So what the heck does that mean? Could Mr. Mal Stone be... a bad guy??? With a lovely name like that? Mal Stone -- Bad Rock? Wrong Rock? Rock Hudson? Hudson Valley? Valley Forge? Knock on any Norge? Norgee and Bess? Pepto-Bess-mol? Mal Stone?)

Doc D tells his wife he's succeeded in perfecting the atom-neutralizing formula and tells her to put it in the safe at home. Diana immediately sees the military implications and insists the army safeguard it, but Doc D says it'll be safe at home cuz crooks would NEVER think to look there. Mr. Wrong Rock stands in the background looking suspicious. Myrna Dearfield walks home with Teasy and never notices a suspicious character hiding behind the tree. Nor does she see a furtive figure watching her through the window as she puts it in the safe, though the furtive figures bears a striking resemblance to the suspicious character. Teasy, however, brags that he could open the safe because he saw the numbers she dialed. Myrna warns him not to touch it (boy oh boy -- where could this story be going? Such a mystery).

Time passes and Teasy, though still mischievous, has wiggled his way into his new parents' hearts. Next week, they get to adopt him. Teasy is all aquiver. He decides to celebrate by burning down their house. Well... that wasn't exactly his plan. He wanted to make fireworks, like the fourth of July, so he lights some newspapers on fire to make torches and runs from room to room "doing a war dance". The safe, we notice, is strangely open and its papers have fallen to the floor. (The suspense here is amazing. There is just no way to foresee what's going to happen.)

Suddenly the paper torch burns low and Teasy drops it -- right onto the stack of papers!!! (D'oh! Is my face red! Who knew the torch would fall into those papers, huh?) He tries to put it out, but the fire only grows. He calls for his mom, but by now the fire is out of control.

This is terrible! What's going to happen? Is this the end for Teasy? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of "Who'll Adopt Teasy?"

Wonder Woman #25 (Story One, Part 3, finale): SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS

The next morning, gigantic stalks of Rykorn cover the Bar-L ranch. Etta promises that it isn't her doing. Hard Candy and his ranch hands fight valiantly to cut the crop down, but their puny saws are helpless against the enormous tree-like stalks. "Rykorn plants multiply and spread like lightning! And from the Rykorn burst newly-grown plant people overnight!"

A delighted Cob and Tassel rally their newborn army. "Using Rykorn leaves filled with potent knock-out sap, the Rykornians besiege the earth people." (Wow. Knock-out sap. Who knew?) The half-conscious Etta has just enough strength to mental-radio Wonder Woman, who's in her guise of Lt. Diana Prince. "Suffering Sappho!" is Diana's only reply. (woulda been my first thought, too).

The General notices Wonder Woman leaping from a nearby window and calls for her help, but she hasn't the time as she "has to see a scientist about some plant people." Steve Trevor offers his help to the General who is understandably upset. "Ye gads!" he shouts. "There's a national emergency and my right-hand woman, Diana Prince, is missing. Wonder Woman is no help – she spends her time leaping from our windows!" The General calls out the army to combat the plant people.

Meanwhile, the Rykornians have used the enslaved earthers to help plant more seeds. Their plan is to uproot every living plant in America and replace it with Rykorn. Just then, the army arrives! But Tassel isn't worried. The sap-armed, wily Rykornians make short work of Steve and his intrepid comrades.

"Meanwhile, at Paula's secret lab, Wonder Woman and her brilliant scientist friend work tirelessly on a strange, gigantic machine -- " (and folks, it is indeed strange. The wacky imagination of Harry Peters is always in evidence when drawing Amazon machinery. This thing looks like something Dr. Seuss would have dreamed up. I almost expect to see starbellies pouring out of the mouth).

Back to our captive friends... "String them up on some small Rykorn," demands the king, "the plants'll grow in a few minutes and the prisoners will be crushed to death!" Yeowch! Etta once again attempts a mental radio message, in hopes of avoiding the fate of being a "squashed turkey." Instantly, Wonder Woman responds. Ordering her plane into the air, Wonder Woman hangs off the ladder, carrying the gigantic Rykorn Destroyer machine with her lasso.

"Swooping over the Rykorn fields, Wonder Woman quickly frees the prisoners..." As she tells them to run, she turns on the Rykorn Destroyer and sweeps all the cob homes (each of which are occupado) inside, while the blades in the front chop the giant stalks down. Having captured the entire invading force, Wonder Woman leaps toward her invisible plane and guides it to Rykornia by mental robot control.

After her return, Steve asks what happened to the Rykornians. "I returned them to Rykornia," explains Wonder Woman. "They're so terrified of my machine which they think is an earth monster, they've lost all desire ever to invade the earth again!" And luckily, Etta has lost all desire for those yummy seeds, as well!

That ends this story, boys and girls. And just by reading this review, you've gotten 25% of your minimum daily requirement of starchy roughage! Neato, huh?

Stay tuned for another thrilling adventure of Wonder Woman because issue #25 still has two zingetty-zangetty stories to go! And since you've already had an earful about this episode, what did you think of Diana's battle with Rykornia?

Wonder Woman #25 (Story One, Part 1): SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS

Woo Woo! I smell the distinctive aroma of a very old comic book. Just a sniff, and I'm fastening my seatbelt, putting my tray table in an upright position and readying myself for a superspeed journey into the 1940s. And, if you join me, we can travel together into the pages of WONDER WOMAN #25. C'mon! It'll be fun -- I promise!

The cover is quite intriguing. Wonder Woman is sitting at a desk looking at three wanted posters. She appears pensive; worried. These are obviously very dangerous criminals. What she doesn't see, is that behind her, peeking out from a doorway, are the three felons, all armed and ready to strike. I have an overwhelming urge to shout "look out!!!" But I won't. My prime directive says that I must not interfere in the stories of comic books. So though painful, I remain silent.

::insert silence here::

"Look out!!!" (phew! I feel much better, despite the impending court martial I'll no doubt receive).

I have to say right off, that our buddy H. G. Peters was the artist, I am not 100% certain about who wrote the three stories in this comic. Marston passed away in May of '47 and this has a cover date of Sept.-Oct. of 1947.

I do know that Marston had a backlog of stories, and that his family actually wrote several stories after his death. I think these were probably some of Marston's originals, though, as the backlog would've easily covered a book with a Sept. publishing date. They also have quite a bit of bondage (the third story is so full of bondage there are only a handful of panels free of it). That screams Marston to me.

If it isn't him, and it isn't Kanigher (it could be a mixture, i.e. Kanigher wrote one, Marston another, etc.) then it could be members of his family. When I spoke to Marston's son, he told me that the family members wrote several stories after Bill's death. I don't know if the family members kept to all of his idiosyncrasies (i.e. chock full 'o' bondage) but I do know that according to the eldest son, they did try to emulate his dad's work as closely as possible.

That said, I have reached no conclusion about the first story, the one this post is about. If anyone has any information, let me know.

The first story (and this issue has three independent tales, not a "book-length adventure") is what we'll be reading in this revisit. I'll do the other stories in subsequent revisits.

"Have you ever considered the fact that perhaps on another planet in our solar system there might be an entirely new form of life completely unlike ours? Science hasn't discovered it yet, but there is such a planet! Rykornia is an unexplored planetoid, hidden in Earth's atmosphere by a shroud of clouds, and inhabited by fiendish creatures just waiting their opportunity to invade our world."

(Uh-oh. Fiendish corn-people! Quick! Somebody melt some butter!)

"Follow the stirring adventures of the alluring Amazon Princess... as she fights the most terrible menace ever to invade the Earth and matches her Amazon strength against the 'SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS."

The splash shows Wonder Woman pushing some sort of harvesting machine through a giant cornfield. It's cutting off the stalks and sweeping in giant ears of corn with little geometrical corn people in them. Looks pretty fiendish to me.

(note: I am going to try to avoid making all the obvious corn puns. This is a challenge, but I've abstained from puns for several days in preparation and feel I can prevail.)

Page two shows us Rykornia. (Not that I feel this is reaching on the part of the author or anything, but Rykornia is a planet that exists in our own atmosphere. It is "concealed by clouds too thick for earth telescopes to penetrate". Uh-huh. A planet. Just hanging up there in our atmosphere. Okay, got it.)

The Rykornians are described as "weird plant people." They seem to like hanging around in cornfields, looking through telescopes made of corn. They watch the earth. And they're ruled by King Tassel and his right-eared man, Lord Cob. (Darn it. Made a corn joke. ::slap:: sorry, folks. Man, this is difficult.) The entire planet of Rykornia is covered by giant corn stalks. And it appears everything they own is made from corn, as well. (This strikes me as particularly fiendish. After all, we don't make everything out of humans. But these corn people make more than just the occasional soylent green out of themselves. Ewww!) However, there is no more room on Rykornia for any more people. So, naturally, they'd like to conquer the Earth. Fertile soil, y'see. (I'm guessing their telescopes aren't trained on Death Valley. Just a hunch.)

Meanwhile, the Amazons are having a Kanga Carnival!!! Woo Woo! Wonder Woman arrives in her invisible plane with a bunch of Holliday Girls. Hippolyte greets them saying, "Welcome to Paradise Island, Man's World Girls!" Hee hee. (But here comes my first clue that this may not be Marston after all. Etta Candy says, "Wahoo" instead of "Woo Woo". I've never seen her say "Wahoo" before).

The girls and the Amazons all mount sky Kangas (for the uninitiated, the Kanga is the favorite riding animal of the Amazons. They look like Kangaroos, but are quite large, and the Amazons ride them like horses. Sometimes, as here, they can fly. The Kangas were a gift from some aliens in an earlier adventure). Hippolyte uses a giant "balloon gun" to shoot multi-colored balloons miles high into the air. The contestants are to catch the balloons in their hands but may not break them. Sounds pretty straight-forward until Etta makes a grab, but the balloon is traveling too fast for her to catch. "Ha!" cries Wonder Woman. "That's why it's sport! These balloons are filled with Amazon Speed-Gas which makes them fly at a tremendous speed and change course at the slightest breeze." (Amazon Speed-Gas, huh? Nah-ah. Too easy.)

Everyone gets a workout trying to capture the balloons, including the indefatigable Amazon Princess. (Dang, but that lil missy can ride a kanga!!! Yeeha!)

Etta and the Holliday Girls are having a very tough time of it, but their leader urges them on. "After them, gals!" cajoles Etta. "Woo! Woo!" (there went that theory, huh?) "We gotta show the Amazons that man's world girls are skillful athletes too!" Trying to lead by example, Etta chases a runaway blue balloon but over-reaches. She falls off her kanga with nothing beneath her but 5 miles of space! Is this the end of our intrepid Holliday fave, Etta Candy? Come back tomorrow for more Golden Age excitement with SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS!!