Action Comics 289 (Part 8, Finale): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

When last we read: Superman has the hots for Supergirl but she's his cousin so he doesn't have the hots for her at all. Instead, Supergirl checks on the computer for a double and finds Luma Lynai on the planet Staryl. Luma and Kal-El fall instantly in love and he asks her to return to Earth with him.

Oh no! This is terrible! As soon as Luma Lynai gets to the earth's solar system she becomes weak and unpowered! (Today's No-Prize goes to Jim for nailing the ending to this final bit of match-making.) Naturally, Supergirl is still spying on her cousin. It's beginning to feel like the Maid of Might is a stalker. And it's still creeping me out a bit that Superman's dream woman is his cousin. I always thought they had a very brother/sister vibe about them. Then again, Lois Lane is the only woman for him in my book. (You couldn't tell I was a Lois fan? Are you even reading this blog?)

Superman speeds Luma back to her home planet with the blue and/or orange sun, depending on which panel you're reading. Actually, it appears they've settled on orange now. Luma takes her time telling Superman she's feeling better (all the way home, actually. Guess she didn't recover as soon as they left the earth's yellow sun behind. Or maybe she just feels that being carried by a big, strong superhunk was kinda ginchy).

She doesn't quite understand what happened, so once again we're treated to Superman talking about growing up on Krypton and then coming to Earth and getting powers under the yellow sun. (Yeah, I know -- my whole beef about the weird placement of that backstory in another scene was silly but you have to admit it was a clumsy way of getting the info out. Right in the middle of their love discussion Superman and Supergirl tell each other about where they both grew up and from whence comes their powers? It was weird, I tells ya! Okay, I'm over it. Let's move on.)

When he finishes telling her his backstory, he offers to move to Luma's planet, but she won't have it. Earth needs its Superman. Her thought balloon, however, is a classic romance comic "I'll always love you..." said with the tearful turned face. This was done at a time when romance comics were selling well so a little borrowing from that genre couldn't hurt.

I'm wondering if Superman's offer was sincere. He's spent most of his life dedicated to truth, justice and the American Way. He's earth's greatest hero. He's more tied to that planet than he ever was to Krypton. And yet he's willing to leave it forever for a woman he met five panels ago? He didn't even take a whole story, let alone a whole comic ("...in a booklength adventure!") to fall in love. It rings a wee bit hollow to me. Especially since she says, "No! Earth needs you! Go – forget me!" and the next panel he's back home. Didn't take much to convince him. No argument, no fuss, no goodbye.

Then again, how serious was she? He made the offer. She could've said yes. But instead, she pushes him back into the arms of another, er, planet.

Perhaps I'm wrong. The next panel has him back on Earth with Supergirl in his arms. Maybe it's he's feeling so blue that the hand that's touching him turns blue itself. (oooh, spooky! Coloring error or subliminal message? It's a Superman story from 1962 – coloring error.)

Resigned to his bachelorhood, Superman bids Kara adieu. "Maybe fate had a purpose in foiling your three attempts to get me married off!" Supergirl ponders her own summing up of the experience, thinking that perhaps Lois Lane (yes!) or Lana Lang (no!) could be fate's plan for him.

Back home in her Linda Danvers identity, she tells her adopted parents the entire story. Linda swears she's learned her lesson and will never play cupid again. But what's this? While doing her homework, she comes across a picture of Cleopatra. Immediately, her mind starts whirring, wondering if she would make a perfect mate for Superman.

SLAM! She shuts her book and with a somewhat evil expression (not sure why she looks evil, but that arched eyebrow and pursed lips kinda give me the willies) catches herself. She made a promise not to interfere and by gosh by gum by golly, that's what she's gonna do! No more cupid! From now on her only other persona will be as Supergirl!

And that's the end of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID! I hope you enjoyed it. If so, let me know in the comments!

As has become my custom, I won't be posting next week so that I can find the next comic to give the business to. There's a lot of prep needed – searching for the right story, making scans, etc. so I'll need the time. Come back March 3rd for the next comic book revisit! And while you're waiting, tell all your friends that this blog is the best place on the web to revisit the gems of the golden age, atom age, silver age, and bronze age. Share the love!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 2, finale): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

When last we met, Teazy had just started a fire which was in danger of burning the house down. Now, on with our story:

Myrna gets on the phone immediately to call -- Diana Prince! (what's that, you say? She should have called the fire department? Whattaya nuts? ALWAYS call military intelligence when the house is on fire. Duh.) Myrna begs Diana to find Wonder Woman, for only the double W could possibly save the house in time to rescue the formula. "Before Myrna can hang up the phone, Diana transforms herself to Wonder Woman and puts out the fire with "her tremendous Amazon lung power." (NOT to be confused with Superman's super-breath. They're two different things. Not at all similar. Except for them both being, y'know, strong blowy breath powers.)

Myrna inspects the safe and, because she can't find the formula, assumes it was burned. But Wonder Woman, smart cookie that she is, figures that whoever opened the safe took it, as she can find no charred fragments. Steve Trevor and his men show up to investigate. Myrna, knowing she hadn't opened the safe, immediately fingers Teasy (what a loving mother). Steve questions the young carrot top but he claims that all he did was burn up everything, not open the safe. Wonder Woman stands by Teasy, claiming he always tells the truth, so Steve assumes it had to have been Myrna who opened it.

Steve accuses Myrna, but before she can speak, Wonder Woman says, "Wait, Steve – the 'Yellow-Mask' gang of international racketeers (or the YMGoIR, as I like to call'em) are after this anti-atomic formula -- maybe THEY did this! Myrna, will you take a LIE DETECTOR TEST?" (interesting that Wonder Woman chooses a lie detector test as opposed to her lasso. Think Marston was trying to publicize his little invention here? Saying it was equal to the golden lasso?) Myrna agrees to take the test, but wants to change clothes first (obviously she couldn't tell the truth in her current outfit).

Time passes and no Myrna. The army dudes assume she's taken a powder, but Wonder Woman believes in her still. However, she discovers that both Myrna and Teasy are gone! "She's escaped," says Steve, "and she took the kid with her!" His assistant says, "I'll issue Dragnet orders, Sir!" (Hello, operator? I'd like to order a rerun of episode 37, "Joe and Bill are in Bunko" -- you know, the one where Joe wears that blue suit and asks the lady for 'just the facts, ma'am'?")

Ah, but now we see what really happened! When Myrna went to change her clothes, some men wearing ... gulp... yellow masks(!) grabbed her. They tie her up, gag her and put her in their car. At their deadquarters (hee hee -- that was a typo I actually made and I decided to leave it because, really, is that a typo or what?) Myrna is blindfolded and introduced to the big boss: A beautiful, raven-haired seductress, who uses a cigarette holder, has large hoop earrings, a snazzy red sash around her waist and speaks with an accent. "Hm -- zee por laydee eez frighten -- I weel talk weeth her. Breeng us tea," says the boss. (The accent is supposed to be Spanish, I guess, because she calls Myrna, "Senora") Bosslady apologizes for keeping Myrna bound, but offers to serve her the tea personally. We can see Bosslady slipping something into the brew and Myrna feels the effects immediately.

"Ha!" says bosslady. "I geev her zee drug we use on preesoners of war to make zem talk. Put her in zee BLACK ROOM." Bosslady will question Myrna and then they'll silence her -- for keeps!

Meanwhile, let's catch up to that spunky orphan, Teasy. He decides, after seeing what a problem his fire caused, to beat himself up. So he socks himself on the jaw (I'm not making this up). Not wanting to return to the orphanage, he decides to run away. However, he happens to see his mom being kidnapped, so he grabs the rear bumper. "The car roared away with the game little Teasy impersonating the tail of a comet."

He manages to hang on with one hand, despite the pain in his shoulder until something in it snaps, and he drops the bumper. Luckily, it was at the top of a hill, so he can see the car reach its destination. "By Jiminy Jumpers" he exclaims.

"Meanwhile, Wonder Woman, using her Amazon woodcraft, finds a clue." (Amazon woodcraft? Is that on her list of superpowers? Wow. Captain Marvel doesn't have a single letter that stands for woodcraft. This PROVES she's got it all over him). She follows the car's tracks until she runs into Teasy. He shows Wonder Woman where they've taken his mom and bravely tells her to ignore his injuries and save Myrna. She races to the farmhouse but, when she grasps the doorknob, is shocked into paralysis by electric current. (Doesn't it seem a bit extreme to electrify the doorknob? Man, that boss lady is evil.)

Unconscious, she is chained by the bosslady (whose name, we now find out, is Tirza). Go back to your Batmans, Dr. Wertham, there's nothing sexual going on here. Just some girl on girl bondage, that's it. Harmless fun.

She's taken to the black room, where Myrna points out that their ankles are wired for electrocution! "Oh-h -- if MEN chained my bracelets -- I'm helpless!" cries Wonder Woman. Two chained women, hooked up to electrodes. Still kid's stuff, Wertham!

Meanwhile, Tirza interrogates Mr. Mal Stone and accuses him of having the formula. He admits it. Menacingly, she says, "Zis knife ees my favoreet persuadair! You weel tell where zee formula ees or --" "I -- I'll TELL! (what a "rock", huh?) It's in my sh-shoe--" quickly interrupts the cowardly Mal. (In his shoe? His SHOE? I can see why this villain was so easily "defeated.") (The management would like to apologize for that last pun. It seems Joanna had a horrible, disfiguring accident to her funny bone, and well, you can see the result. Tragic, huh?)

Tirza goes to the black room (whose walls, by the way, are light blue. go figure) and decides to pull the switch on Wonder Woman and Myrna. She tells Wondy that there's no use pulling at the chains, as she welded them herself. "You DID!" shouts Wonder Woman. "Then a WOMAN chained me -- I HAVEN'T lost my strength!" (You'd think she would have at least TRIED to break free earlier -- on the off chance a woman, namely the evil person who did everything else, had chained her -- wouldn't ya? Guess the wisdom of Athena comes and goes.) Bursting free, Wonder Woman grabs the formula and Tirza's hair, then flips the woman to the ground. Game, set and match!

Meanwhile, Teasy has led Steve and his army guys to the farmhouse. "You're the gamest kid I ever met, Teasy!" says Stevie. The Dearfield family is reunited and a grateful Teasy thanks Wonder Woman for saving his mom. "Now I'm adopted!" he says as he stands between his loving parents. "YOU saved (your mom) and the formula, Teasy," says Wonder Woman, then admonishes the lad not to start anything until his arm heals.

Now that you've read along with me, I betcha you're just aching to know what the third story in this comic is about, huh? Two words: Purple Priestess!!!!!

There's only one thing you can do to find out what is in store for Wonder Woman from the Purple Priestess: tell the author of this golden age comic you just revisited that you want, nae MUST have more! Oh, and, um, why not throw in a comment or two about what you thought of Teasy's little adventure, too. I mean, as long as you're writing a note and all. Okee-doke?

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 1): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

Time to start a new story. Same comic, second feature. Hope you have fun!

"T.Z.Y. is the most mischievous, reckless, lovable young redhead who ever deserved the nick-name TEASY! You'll love this kid (betcha I won't. Heart of stone, that's me. I defy you to make me love the lil brat), but you'll hold your breath at the terrible scrapes he gets himself into. You'll thrill too, as you watch WONDER WOMAN battling the lovely but terrible 'Yellow-Mask' Gang leader in this episode called, 'WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?'"

The splash page shows Wonder Woman holding a notarized document in one hand and with the other she's holding the hair of a gypsy-looking woman and using said hair to throw her to the ground. In the background, a blonde is tied to a post. And we can see broken chains hanging off Wonder Woman's bracelets. Step right up, boys and girls, I smell bondage!

"At 'Suburban County Orphanage' young Thomas Zenophan Yerxes, better known as TEASY, (T.Z.Y.) points excitedly to a mud-puddle." (memorize that full name -- you never know when it's going to come up in a trivia quiz -- and I hate this kid already). Teasy urges his playmates to look into the mud puddle. And the doofuses do. "What's in this puddle?" asks one intellectually challenged orphan. Teasy jumps in the puddle and informs them there's mud in it. ha ha. (rotten rotten kid) Right then, Mrs. Grimfall, the matron, calls the boys to come and greet the visitors -- prospective parents. Oh no! They're all covered with mud! Teasy fesses up immediately, upset that his little prank has caused harm. Awwww. (shucks, I love this kid...)

Just as Mrs. Grimfall is scolding Teasy, telling him no one will ever want to adopt him, Wonder Woman shows up with a blonde who is looking to adopt a boy. It's "Mrs. Alton Dearfield, wife of the famous atomic scientist -- she's looking to adopt a boy," says Wondy. (didja think I'd lie about that?) Mrs. D is immediately drawn to Teasy, but he warns her that he's "foolish and bad" and "nobody'll adopt me. I gotta play straight with yer!"

Mrs. Grimfall chimes in, basically saying he isn't a bad kid, just troublesome. Wonder Woman opines that Teasy's frankness and honesty means a lot. (C'mon, Mrs. D -- adopt him! Ya gotta LOVE this kid!)

Soon, the room is filled with well-dressed ladies, all choosing boys to adopt (no girls here. Wonder why? Only boys are orphaned? pshaw.) Teasy sits alone crying, knowing no one will adopt him (yeah, right). Meanwhile, Wonder Woman urges Mrs. Dearfield to adopt Teasy. Mrs. D agrees, but is afraid Teasy doesn't like her. She asks Teasy if he'd like to be her little boy, but he tells her stop kiddin' him. She sadly observes that he must not like her. Teasy leaps into her arms, professing his love.

Awwww, ain't this just too precious for words? I mean, I'm holding my breath at all the terrible scrapes he gets in, but I love this kid!

So Mrs. D gets Teasy on a trial basis. She can give him back if her husband and she don't like him (sorta like when you order stuff from an infomercial -- there's always a return clause. 1-800-ORPHANS. I saw it last night on cable. Not TOO rough on the hearts of the kids.) Wonder Woman realizes that she's supposed to be at Dr. Dearfield's lab as Diana Prince and makes her excuses.

Mrs. D introduces Teasy to her handsome husband, as well as Lt. Diana Prince and Dr. D's lab assistant, Mr. Mal Stone (Mr. Sick Rock? Gallstone? Millstone? Argh! I'm not getting the name pun here, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong! The doctors warned me that the disfiguring injury to my funny bone awhile back would have unforeseen consequences!) Mal Stone says, "A redheaded 'Teasy' -- hm --". (So what the heck does that mean? Could Mr. Mal Stone be... a bad guy??? With a lovely name like that? Mal Stone -- Bad Rock? Wrong Rock? Rock Hudson? Hudson Valley? Valley Forge? Knock on any Norge? Norgee and Bess? Pepto-Bess-mol? Mal Stone?)

Doc D tells his wife he's succeeded in perfecting the atom-neutralizing formula and tells her to put it in the safe at home. Diana immediately sees the military implications and insists the army safeguard it, but Doc D says it'll be safe at home cuz crooks would NEVER think to look there. Mr. Wrong Rock stands in the background looking suspicious. Myrna Dearfield walks home with Teasy and never notices a suspicious character hiding behind the tree. Nor does she see a furtive figure watching her through the window as she puts it in the safe, though the furtive figures bears a striking resemblance to the suspicious character. Teasy, however, brags that he could open the safe because he saw the numbers she dialed. Myrna warns him not to touch it (boy oh boy -- where could this story be going? Such a mystery).

Time passes and Teasy, though still mischievous, has wiggled his way into his new parents' hearts. Next week, they get to adopt him. Teasy is all aquiver. He decides to celebrate by burning down their house. Well... that wasn't exactly his plan. He wanted to make fireworks, like the fourth of July, so he lights some newspapers on fire to make torches and runs from room to room "doing a war dance". The safe, we notice, is strangely open and its papers have fallen to the floor. (The suspense here is amazing. There is just no way to foresee what's going to happen.)

Suddenly the paper torch burns low and Teasy drops it -- right onto the stack of papers!!! (D'oh! Is my face red! Who knew the torch would fall into those papers, huh?) He tries to put it out, but the fire only grows. He calls for his mom, but by now the fire is out of control.

This is terrible! What's going to happen? Is this the end for Teasy? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of "Who'll Adopt Teasy?"