Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 4, finale): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

When last we read, the Purple Priestess was going to have Wonder Woman bring down the statue of the Goddess Vultura and keel everyone below. Now on to the thrilling conclusion:

PP whispers a command to the princess and the (mentally helpless) Allura does as she's told, asking the goddess Vultura to give judgment on the prisoners. Just as we feared, Wonder Woman's mighty Amazon power pulls the statue off its moorings, and it's headed for a massive girl-crushing! PP punctuates the picture with, "Aah--Ooh! Ze prisoners are guilty -- ze goddess hurls her statue upon them!" (It looks like the end for Wonder Woman, Etta, Princess-- aww heck, see list of victims in part 3.)

"But though the malicious Purple Priestess counted on Wonder Woman's strength, she did not foresee the Amazon's incredible resistance to hurtling tons of metal..." That's right, boys and boys, Diana manages to plant her feet and stop the force of the falling statue by bracing her back. (Man, that back has had a workout in this story).

And against her mighty strength, the statue stops falling and is held above the heads of the kneeling prisoners. (I wonder if the shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back will restore Wonder Woman's brain to normal?

"The shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back restores Wonder Woman's brain to normal." (Caught me completely by surprise) Wonder Woman thinks, "I-I can think again! What am I doing holding this silly statue and wearing these puny chains? Great goddesses! There's the Purple Priestess!"

(Love this panel! It's a picture of Wonder Woman thinking about silly statues and puny chains. Innit cool? I like the look on her face. In fact, I've used it as an avatar on many boards.)

Apparently, carrying statues on her back gets Wondy hot because the text box says, "The aroused Amazon whips into action". Whatever turns you on, baby, cuz look at her fling that giant statue aside, crashing it into bits! (Even though Wonder Woman has smashed the king's favorite goddess, he probably won't bill her for it, because he was getting pretty sick of that statue's demands. I hate it when metal talks through an evil priestess, don't you?)

When PP tries to get away, WW lassoes her, saying "Just a minute, Purple Priestess -- You've a date on Reform Island for some Amazon Taming!" (note: Reform Island is a small island near Paradise Island where all the female prisoners go. They wear belts of submission and learn to control their evilness through loving submission to Amazon overlords. Sometimes it works. Baroness Paula Von Gunther went to Reform Island and eventually became a top Amazon scientist and Diana's best friend. Sometimes it doesn't work, and prisoners escape to wreak more havoc.)

Wonder Woman unmasks PP and realizes with a shock that she's really Sinestra, "the enemy spy who worked against America during the war!" What a coup for Lt. Diana Prince! She caught a war criminal!

Later, after everyone has recovered from the purple gas, Diana bids adieu to the king, who is very happy to see water once again flowing in his country's fields. Etta and the girls decide to stay, to study those windmills without being kidnapped (always a danger around windmills, ask the Dutch)! Princess Allura gives Diana a big hug and vows to be like Wonder Woman. Zarikan will no longer worship the cruel Vultura (hey -- it was the Priestesses fault! You don't really think the statue was calling the shots do you?) . Instead, they'll worship truth and goodness. (Yeah, but trying making a giant statue of truth and goodness! Not so easy, as they'll find out!) Who needs steenking freedom of religion when you've got a royal family telling you what to worship?

Oh, heck, this tender scene deserves a big "Awww"! Besides, you can find more Wonder Woman adventures in Comic Cavalcade and Sensation Comics -- and that makes a very happy ending!

That, my friends, closes the book on Wonder Woman #25. You have it cover to cover. Life is always better when you own lots and lots of Wonder Woman comics. Every issue has all the fun, danger, superheroics, adventure and bondage that any kid could want! Go out and buy one today!

Now, please write me a comment if you read this whole thing. Tell me what you thought or I'll shut down your windmills!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 3): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

When last we read, The Purple Priestess had decided to keel Wonder Woman, Etta Candy, and the Holliday Girls. And now, back to the story:

Etta and her girls are babed out in swimsuits (Woo Woo!), ready to rescue Wonder Woman. (note: in Wonder Woman comics, Etta Candy -- a short, overweight college student -- comes to the rescue of WW as often as she herself needs rescuing. Etta has saved Diana on many occasions. She's also saved Steve Trevor. It's pretty remarkable, when you think about it, that in this comic the message isn't that you have to have superpowers to be brave and heroic. You just have to care about others. Etta was a unique character, the likes of whom hasn't been seen since.)

The girls swim through the underground river, looking for windmill pipes. Suddenly, they feel something pulling them underwater! (and not one of them is swimming on their heads with their feet out of the water, like the maids. I'm proud of Etta and the girls for learning how to be captured properly. I do wonder where Etta suddenly acquired those enormous Popeye arms and legs, though.)

With ropes around their ankles, they're pulled into an underwater pipe by divers, one of whom is clearly the Purple Priestess! Once inside, PP closes a gate and drains the pipe. Etta instantly realizes that this is why the windmills stopped pumping water. She threatens to tell the king, but PP is unfazed. "You'll nevair tell anyone anyzing, Fatima!" (Ooh, that low-down Pimply Priestess made a fat joke! Them's strugglin' words!)

PP and her slave maids carry the bound women through a labyrinth of pipes, into a room with metal tables. They are strapped down onto the tables (anyone wishing this story had MORE bondage? Because there was one panel awhile back that didn't have anyone tied up. We could draw in little chains so it wouldn't feel lonely). PP calls for some purple mind-paralyzing gas™. Things don't look good for Etta and the gals.

Back in her throne room, PP hears from a slave maid that the king is in the temple. We hear that PP has plans to take over Zarikan and rid herself of Wonder Woman once and for all. (Where is WW, by the way? Two whole pages just went by without any mention of her. Pretty significant for a 12 page story.)

The king supplicates himself in front of PP and the statue of Vultura, asking why his daughter is still missing and why there's still no water. PP blames the "foreign women". Vultura is angry at them and will decide their fate, after which the windmills will be turned on again, and the princess returned.

The prisoners are paraded in front of PP. There's Wonder Woman! Finally! She's with Etta and the girls. They're all bound and dizzy (you can tell they're dizzy because they have swirly lines above their heads). Wonder Woman is chained to the huge statue of Vultura, while Etta and the girls are made to kneel before her, their hands tied behind their backs. (Cool visual, huh? That massive statue of Vultura is neato. But threatening and menacing -- I'm sure there's no escape!)

Ooh, but things aren't looking good. PP gives "mentally helpless" WW a peculiar command: "When Princess Allura calls for judgment, you will pull forward on your wrist-chain with all your Amazon power!" "Y-Yes, Mistress," replies mentally helpless Wonder Woman. (Holy falling statues of Vultura! That will kill everyone! Wonder Woman, the king, the princess, Etta, the holiday girls and maybe even a slave maid or two! Oh, I don't like the looks of this, no siree bob!)

Will Princess Allura call for judgment? Will Wonder Woman pull on her wrist chains? Will the giant statue crush everyone despite the fact that there's decades worth of Wonder Woman comics yet to printed after this story? Stay tuned tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to THE JUDGMENT OF THE GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 2): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

"Flashing through space 3000 miles per minute, Wonder Woman speeds to Zarikan." (note: Marston was always changing the top speed of the invisible plane. But he often gave a hard figure. Probably wanted to sound scientific.) Wonder Woman finds Etta comforting King Yuka of Zarikan. He's very distraught over his kidnapped daughter (you can tell he's upset because he says "Ohhh woe!")

When prompted to relate the story of the kidnapping, King Yuka gives some exposition -- I mean background. All of Zarikan's water comes from underground streams and the water is pumped to the surface via windmills. The king and his daughter went to the sacred temple of the goddess Vultura (guardian of subterranean waterways) and they witnessed an amazing spectacle.

"Flames encompassed ze statue of ze goddess and a magic figure appeared--!" Hmmm... by shear coincidence, the magic figure is wearing a purple gown and has a daisy on her head. Waitasecond! That's... that's.... could it be? It's the Purple Priestess! And she's calling herself the messenger of the goddess Vultura!

The priestess tells the king that she was sent by the goddess to save him from his wickedness and that he needs to give daily offerings of gold and food to appease Vultura. Otherwise, the windmills will fail to pump water and the crops will die. (Hey Kingy! Start investigating alternative energy sources like oil, nukes and stuff! Forget the wind and its goddess-controlled ficklery. I made up a new word. Heh.)

The king obeyed daisy-head, but when the princess and her maidens went for their daily swim in the underground river, they were pulled beneath the surface! (Not to put too fine a point on things, but if something caught the Princess's leg and is pulling her down, why are all the maidens going under head first? Do they swim upside down?) One maiden escaped, and told the king the story. All the others, including his daughter, Princess Allura, were never seen again. The escapee claims it was Vultura, but Wondy is positive it's just the priestess, trying to get more ill-gotten gains from the king.

Foolishly, King Yuka doesn't listen to the superhero in his living room, so he brings 3 times the amount of gold and grain as before. Wonder Woman carries in the booty, workhorse that she is, even though it was against her better judgment. She's a trooper (and she lifts with her legs, not her back).

Wonder Woman puts her finger to her eye, which denotes thinking (I always point to my eye when I think) and notices that this Purple Priestess is wearing the same clothes as the other Purple Priestess. Could they be the same person? (Ya think?) At the same time, PP doesn't have any trouble putting two and two together and realizes that Wonder Woman is Wonder Woman, no matter where she shows up (hence, no finger to the eye. Instead, she makes a fist, which means "Why I oughta...!" in sign language).

I believe their conversation went something like this:
WW: Is my eye make-up too thick?
PP: It's perfect! Do you like the way my green veil clings to the shape of my face?
WWW: It's lovely. Let's be best friends.
PP: (thinking) She's hot! I'd switch teams for her.
WW: (thinking) If only she'd take off the green veil. Then I'd know if she's hot or not.
King Yuka: (thinking) Please, please, please, Goddess Vultura, allow me to see some girl on girl action!

PP demands that her slave maidens gather up the grains and gold. It's uncertain how they'll manage this, since their hands are all bound. The king asks if PP will now free his daughter, but no dice. PP is disinclined to let go of her ace in the hole, so she tells kingy that although the goddess is pleased with his gifts, she wants more: a human sacrifice! And with that, she points to none other than Wonder Woman as the sacrifice du jour! And shocker of shockers, Diana agrees!

But the king has had enough! Defiantly, he renounces the goddess Vultura, saying he'll burn down the temple if he has to! PP says, "Silence, foolish king! Your defiance shall cost you all your crops -- famine shall prevail until you atone for your sacrilege!" (Man, that's great dialogue! That is primo comic book stuff, there. I wish people talked like that all the time. "Silence, foolish grocery store bagger! Your insistence on plastic instead of paper shall cost you your week's supply of Clearasil! The manager shall prevail until you bow to my bagging needs!" Yeah, that would be sweeeet!)

Oh, but the prophecy comes true!! The windmills stop pumping water and the crops begin to whither and die. Zounds! Once again, WW offers herself as a human sacrifice. (Oh just let her, already! She obviously wants it! It will give her a chance to be bound by chains, for crying out loud! She likes that.) The king has no choice but to let her do it. He's already given all his food to the goddess, so there's no way to keep famine at bay.

Later in the temple, Wonder Woman is bound and placed at the feet of the statue of Vultura. The flames rise and appear to consume the superhero. Etta blames herself for having summoned Diana in the first place. But ho! All is not as it seems. There's a trap door in the altar!

She winds up in a chamber filled with purple gas! Before she's overcome by the fumes, she notices Princess Allura chained to the wall. PP is there, and tells WW that it's "mind-paralyzing gas" (formed by the noxious emissions of thousands of comic book collectors after a Taco Bell binge). The gas makes people lose their will power (and it makes your belches taste like burritos).

"The potent purple gas quickly reduces Wonder Woman to a weird state of coma -- she cannot control her own brain." ('she cannot control her own brain'? What a delightfully weird way of putting it. Much better than "she's high on goofballs.") When the Priestess questions her, Diana spills all, telling her that she recognized PP as the cult leader and that the Holliday Girls are going to explore the underground river, to find out why the windmills aren't working. (That is a weird coma if you can hold conversations. That purple gas is as good as a golden lasso of truth. Feel the power of your Taco-induced gastrointestinal emissions, comic fans!) Things are looking grim -- and purple -- for Wonder Woman!

PP silently decides to "keel" Etta & the Holliday Girls, as well as the princess and Wonder Woman. (Lotsa keeling to do, when will she find the time?)

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 1): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

"Never before has the alluring maid from Paradise Island faced a more scheming and sinister villainess than the Purple Priestess. It takes great ingenuity -- superhuman courage for our lovely heroine to save her friends -- in fact a whole kingdom from a fiendish death trap in the story of "THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA."

In the magnificent splash page, Wonder Woman is chained (how unusual!) to a giant winged statue of a woman, and it is falling, about to crush Diana, Etta Candy, and some of the Holliday Girls -- all of whom are also bound. I'm shocked -- shocked! -- that there would be bondage in a golden age Wonder Woman comic! It's unheard of! Unique! Unexpected! In nearly every panel!

The story starts fast from the first panel. "In a tenement basement of the city's waterfront district, a strange spectacle takes place." We see three well-dressed women with their hands bound behind their backs. (Bondage! I'm shocked! I'm -- oh forget it.) Men in robes, with half masks on their faces are holding the women. On a throne, holding a torch, is the Purple Priestess. She appears to be wearing a daisy on her head. Brrrr... nothing scarier than a daisy!

The women are upset because they gave all their money to the Priestess so that she could cure their ailing husbands with her mystic powers. But it was all bunk. The Priestess decides to kill the "lowly females", so there'll be no proof of her racket (her word, not mine). But one of the women had notified Wonder Woman, and suddenly, that is exactly who bursts through the door. "Get her! Keel her!" (Apparently, Daisyhead is rather nautical.)

Wondy makes short work of the henchmen, and does it so handily, one of the henchees admiringly says, "Oof! Whatta woman!" Methinks he was the masochist in the bunch. Bet he's gonna miss being stepped on by the priestess's purple sandals. Meanwhile, our villain slips away.

After beating up half a dozen guys (and those were only the ones pictured), and realizing that the priestess had escaped, Wonder Woman carries the unconscious thugs on her back to the jailhouse. She figures she'll trail PP after going to the lock-up.

Alas, months pass and there's no sign of the cult leader. Then one day, Diana (Wonder Woman) Prince receives a mental radio message from Etta Candy. Etta is visiting Zarikan, studying their windmill waterpower system (green power, baby, it's the wave of the future!). But horrors! The Purple Priestess has kidnapped the Princess and "the country's strongest maids" and there's no one left to vacuum and dust! No, wait -- she meant maids as in 'maids a'milkin' not 'You missed a spot, Hazel.' Etta fears she and the Holliday Girls will be next! "Suffering Sappho!"

Diana speeds out of her office, while Steve Trevor uses his high IQ by dismissing the thought that Diana Prince could be Princess (Wonder Woman) Diana. Using the Wisdom of Athena, Wonder Woman thinks, "The leader of that cure-all cult was called 'Purple Priestess.' Hmm -- she talked with a Zarikanian accent -- I must fly to Zarikan pronto!" Hmmm, indeed, Diana! Imagine the coincidence of a villainess speaking with a Zarikanian accent and then suddenly someone by the exact same name starts causing trouble in Zarikan! Could there be some connection between the two Zarikanian Purple Priestesses? Or is there an evil, daisy-wearing, purple-garbed Zarikanian Priestess around every corner these days?

In a blur of flying clothing (not pictured because this is a G-rated blog) Diana Prince becomes the Alluring Amazon herself: Wonder Woman! She calls her plane via mental robot control (I don't make this stuff up, I just report the facts) and leaps out of the window, grabbing the invisible ladder. She's very worried about Etta and her gang, because the Purple Priestess will know something's up if she spots "American girls."

Uh oh, this doesn't look good! Etta is in trouble, the Purple Priestess is on the loose, and thar be trouble ahead! What a terrible place for me to stop posting, huh?

And yet, I will. Tune in tomorrow for part two of THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA!