Action Comics #138 (Part 3): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

When last we read: Superman helped Herbert find his first scoop by powerwashing a hillside into revealing the skeletons of two complete and fully-articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons, which he then proceeded to "walk" down the street through waterjet propulsion. Time to find out how he's going to top that bad boy by reading Part 3 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

After Lois proclaims Herb's dinosaur scoop as "beginner's luck", Herbert heads back to Northville to look for more scoops. He walks along a swamp road bemoaning the lack of scoops (cuz swamp roads are usually full of breaking news events). Superman, unseen just in front of Herb (he is SO observant) realizes that Herb's next biggie is up to him.

The swamp being bereft of obvious scoops (why on Earth is Herbert walking in a deserted swamp, anyway? His reporter instincts are non-existent! Superman really needs to dump this dweeb as fast as he can), Superman shoots into outer space to snag a meteor. It's a rather large meteor, too. Perhaps I watch too much Discovery Channel, but I fear this particular large space rock could cause the planet a world of hurt.

Superman guides it to the Earth and lets go once he knows it's on target. It lands a couple of feet from Herbert, blowing him to smithereens. Wait a minute... nope, Herb is fine, the Earth is fine, the meteor just caused a wee bit of steam in the swamp. (Come back, Suspension of Disbelief! I need you! I need you now more than I ever have!)

Herbert quickly calls Perry White with the scoop. "Two inches of water just washed across the swamp road!" Surely Perry will see the value in Herb's wet shoes! But alas, newspaperman Perry insists on a scoop with more oomph. Meanwhile, Superman realizes that Herb has once again missed the story. And because the steam is hiding the meteor, he's not about to figure it out any time soon.

To keep the job prospects of the worst Journalism major ever to graduate from Northville College alive, Superman blows away the steam. This reveals the meteorite and Herbert adds that tidbit to his story. Perry is once again a happy man.

Back in the offices of the Planet, Perry crows to Lois about the great scoops, saying, "...Herbert is doing better than you could, Lois!" Them's fightin' words! Lois quickly replies, "Listen, I can turn in a bigger scoop than that beginning this week or – or I'll be Lonely Hearts Editor for a month! (Not sure that sentence reads correctly. I think it was meant to say "beginner" rather than "beginning" because it's not like she's turning in scoops "beginning this week" as in "I think I'll start now". She's a pro! She's the intrepid reporter! The Ace of the Daily Planet! This is Lois Lane, for gee gosh whillakers!) The bet is on!

Not exactly the way Superman was planning things, is it? His whole purpose in shoring up the least likely journalist ever was to keep Lois from going after huge scoops. Where is that super brain of Clark's? A 5 year old could see this one coming. Of course Lois is going to take Herb's efforts as a challenge. Of course there's trouble ahead. Of course Superman will continue his insane scoop challenges because he's always right and once he starts something he never quits. I think he was smarter in the Silver Age. Or maybe I'm wrong and a 5 year old really would think the story's twists and turns are logical. Remind me to find a 5 year old so I can ask.

One of those yellow text boxes lets the readers know that thar be trouble a'brewin' for Lois. "Careful, Lois! When you made that rash promise (about the Lonely Hearts Editing) you didn't realize that Superman is helping Herbert Binkle!" Actually, I think Lois should be able to figure it out from the walking skeletons alone, but that's just me. For the purposes of this story, it's all quite mysterious.

So mysterious, in fact, that I'm going to leave you hanging! Don't forget to come back for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 2): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

When last we read: Lois Lane is forever getting herself into tight spots in her relentless pursuit of scoops. Superman, tired of saving her, decides to back young Journalism grad, Herbert Binkle, thinking that if a newbie like Herb can outscoop Lois, she'll quit trying so hard. Yeah, I don't really follow the logic of that, either, but who cares? It's time for Part 2 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herbert heads home to Northville (the location of his scoop-finding mission) and wanders around town not seeing anything worthwhile. Lucky for him, Superman is on the scene. Supes uses his x-ray vision and finds some dinosaur bones.

A moment while you look at the panel of the bones. Please note that it's not one, but two Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons. Then notice that both have all bones intact. Then discern that both are fully articulated. And finally, see that they appear to be in an attack posture, as if they died in the middle of a fight, never fell to the ground, somehow remained unscathed through millennia and happen to be in a small hill in Northville, wherever that is (I'm guessing it's not the badlands – the place where the bulk of Tyrannosaurus bones have been uncovered. None of which, I might add, came in fighting pairs, standing, and fully articulated).

Nothing odd about that, right? But oh, how does Superman plan to let Herbert know they're there? Get out a trowel and some brushes and carefully unearth the skeletons retaining all the surrounding earthen strata, marking each individual bone and citing its position, taking the next couple of years to do so, making sure the site is properly recorded for science?

Close. He takes an old pipeline, makes a funnel of one end, puts the funnel under a waterfall and then blasts the bones out of the hill via the force of the water. Miraculously, the bones emerge and they remain articulated even without the cohesion of the earth around them! It's a miracle! No muscles, sinew or connectors of any kind and yet the bones somehow remain in the exact position they held in life. Two giant Tyrannosaurus skeletons sticking out of a hill in a way seemingly impossible and Herbert is immediately struck by the scoopiness of the situation.

He phone Perry White and tells him that the "great scoop" he has is that Jenkins Hill just slid a little and now there's a new coasting hill in Northville. (I wonder if he's thought through how the coasters are going to get around those ginormous dinosaur skeletons bursting out of the hill? Perhaps Herbert missed the real scoop here and he should've told Perry that the slide ruined the local coasting hill by unearthing some pesky Tyrannosaurus Rex bones that are now in the way of a straight shot down).

At this point, Clark should realize that he's backing the wrong horse. Obviously, Herbert is completely lacking in journalistic savvy, observational skills, and wouldn't know a scoop if it bit like a fully articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex. Fly away, Superman, and leave Herbie to the local free shopping rag.

But no, Superman has made up his mind and is never, ever wrong. He grabs his water pipe (not the bong kind, the "I made a funnel out of this old oil pipe and will now make it shoot water" kind) and blasts the back of one of the skeletons. For reasons unknown to me, instead of causing the skeleton to explode in a shower of bones (due to there being absolutely nothing holding them together), the bones START WALKING DOWN MAINSTREET! (Pardon my shouting, but my suspension of disbelief was just shattered by a giant water jet and I didn't know if you could hear me over the laughter of every archaeologist and paleoanthropologist on Earth.)

Still on the phone, Herbert says, "And the slide uncovered dinosaur skeletons, Mr. White – huge ones!" (Huge bones that are walking down mainstreet with a bunch of water shooting off its fleshless back and Superman holding a giant waterpipe, but that's not news.) Perry decides to send a photographer and make it the feature story. Hope no one else needs any help that day because Superman is going to be too busy walking his bone puppets around town so the photographer can good pictures. After all, finding not one but two complete Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons isn't much to write about. It needs more pizzaz.

And now we pretty much know how this story is going to go for the next few pages. Herbert won't find a scoop. Superman will create one. Herb won't recognize it. Supes will emphasize it. Perry will love it. Hopefully, you've now had enough scoop-drinks that it will all seem unpredictable as I retell it. But before you get too cocky, the stakes are about to be raised, which should make this even more fun. Stay will me for Part 3 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 1): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

I'm baaa-aaack! And it's time for another Golden Age book! This one is Action Comics #138, published in November of 1949. Granted, some would argue that it's Atom Age but I'm using a very simple system of identification: each decade is a different age. That makes this Golden Age. After all, it's nearly 60 years old. Those are golden years in most people's minds.

My copy is coverless (Now with extra rat chews for that low grade luster!) but the wonderful Nearmint (that's his screen name on the CGC forums – and speaking of which, I now have a monthly column in the newsletter so take a trip over to CGC and read The Spinner Rack. My column starts in December of 2007) was kind enough to provide me with a cover scan. Three cheers for Nearmint! I've never been a high grade collector. As you can probably tell from this blog, to me it's all about the stories!

Enough of my rambling. Time to get to the good stuff. Let's dive into the Part 1 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

The splash page shows Superman standing on hill (or mountain or volcano or pile-o-something – it's not very clear) getting hit by lightening. Lois Lane and someone who looks vaguely like Jimmy Olsen yet isn't watch the spectacle.

The intro panel says, "Lois Lane has frequently scooped her rival reporters on stories for The Daily Planet! But could she win in a scoop-contest if Superman were helping the other reporter? Does it seem impossible? Don't be too sure, for surprises can happen, and there's a surprising climax to the – SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE"

Now this looks like fun! Superman is helping some other person instead of Lois? But she's one of The Planet's ace reporters! She's Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane! She's got a pad of paper and a pen (unlike that other guy who's got a camera. That's Jimmy of him)! Superman, come to your senses! No one deserves scoops more than Lois!

[On a completely tangential side note, the dog my family had when I was a teen loved to chase squirrels. If we said the word "squirrel" she would go nuts, thinking there was something worth chasing outside. One day, while watching the news, they mentioned an upcoming scoop about something that wasn't all that interesting. With false enthusiasm, I said to my mother, "Oh boy, a scoop!" The dog went nuts. Apparently, it was the "sc" sound that meant squirrel to her, not the entire word. From then on, we had her chasing scoops despite her lack of a press pass.]

Turning the page we find the intrepid Lois investigating a construction site. She'd gotten a tip and went to the half-built skyscraper at daybreak, to avoid running into the crew. She approaches a girder and hits it with a magic hammer. (Unlike any hammer I've ever owned, hers floats in midair. Sure, you could argue that she hit the girder and the hammer bounced out of her hand, the panel catching this action in mid-bounce, but I prefer to think of it as a magic hammer. Like Thor's hammer or that one in the song where having a hammer brings justice, freedom, and love and peace between brother and sister all over the world! That's a really magic hammer. And a pretty stupid song when you think about it. Fun to sing, though.)

The girder she hammered is really wrecked. Lois is obviously on to something with this story. Suddenly, she realizes that the cracked girder is causing a chain reaction among the other substandard (really, really, really substandard) girders. The entire skyscraper is about to collapse right on top of Lois!

"Then, strangely, something seems to hold up the collapsing building a moment! Let's look outside!" Oh yes, let's. Nothing outside of my apartment. All is quiet. But wait – outside the collapsing building is none other than Superman! As he holds up the really, really, really substandard girders, Superman smugly reflects on the fact that he knew Lois was off on a dangerous story and would need his help. Good thing he was stalking her, er, following her secretly. Not creepy at all since he saved her life. However, had she been heading somewhere a little more private or intimate... well, let's just say it was Supes' lucky day. Bet he wishes he had a magic hammer.

Lois escapes the no-longer-falling girders and races off to the office to write up her scoop (down, girl! I said scoop, not squirrel!). Superman decides he should also get back to the office or they'll be missing ole Clark Kent. How does Superman keep that job, anyway? He's forever racing into that supply closet and taking off to stop floods, deflect asteroids, save kittens, and other heroic deeds. He must be a heckuva writer.

Perry White is a happy guy when he gets Lois's story. "A swell scoop, Lois! Your fourth this month!" (okay, a new drinking game: everyone has to take a shot whenever the word "scoop" is mentioned. Only play if you're not going anywhere and don't mind alcohol poisoning.)

Clark, however, is concerned by Lois's "scoop mania" because he has to be around every time she goes after a scoop, to keep her safe. Enter one Herbert Binkle, a dweeby lil fellow who appears to be a cross between Jerry Lewis and Jimmy Olsen. Herb wants to work at the Planet. He's got a journalism degree from Northville College and everything! "I was also a reporter on our school newspaper, so I've had real experience!" (and he hasn't even said the word 'scoop' yet). Perry gives him the brushoff in a nice way, but Clark sees Herb as his way out of his dilemma with Lois.

Clark pulls Herb aside and tells him to promise Perry White a scoop a day for a whole week. Herb is unsure but after a pep talk from Clark, he'll give it a try. Perry agrees to the idea, but thinks it's impossible. Lois says, "He doesn't know how hard scoops are to find!" Clark then has a long internal thought wherein he self-refers as Superman and then says both "scoop" and "scoop-madness" (feeling tipsy yet?).

I foresee lots of trouble for Lois and an unfair advantage for Herbert. I also foresee Clark Kent getting fired because he won't be around the office, won't file any stories (scoops or otherwise) and what am I saying? Clark is a star reporter! He'll be safe. But will Lois? Keep that drinking arm in shape because there are more scoops and more Golden Age fun in Part 2 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE! Be here or be sober!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen (Story Three, Part 2): THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

When last we read, Jimmy had just stepped into the mysterious big red phone booth scientific instrument from Krypton that shouldn't be tampered with in order to impress Lucy Lane. (Please don't ask me about the logic of that move. This is Jimmy Olsen for crying out loud.) And now, for the startling consequences that none of you could possibly see coming! Here's part 2 of THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Jimmy comes out feeling weak and shaky. Although he can't see it, we now know that – shocker! – he's been turned into an old man! Jimmy looks in a mirror and thinks, "Yow! I'm an old man! The evolution cabinet aged me! I should have listened to Perry and not fooled around with it!" (Oh, Jimmy. Will you never learn? If something is called an "evolution cabinet," is from Krypton, has no obvious buttons or gadgets, and is big enough to fit a person, you might consider thinking about possible consequences as opposed to your date with Lucy Lane. Just saying, is all.)

How Jimmy deal with this harrowing turn of events? Will he tell Perry White what happened so they can make sure no one else makes the same mistake? Have you read no Jimmy Olsen comics at all? Of course he won't! He'll wear a disguise. Seeing a Christmas wreath, Old Man Jimmy gets an idea. He quickly rents a Santa costume so that his aged body and long white beard will look perfectly normal. When Perry questions him, he explains that (snicker) "...in this old-man make-up and Santa Claus costume I can investigate that stolen fur racket with no one suspecting I'm a reporter!" (Let me get this straight. In order to investigate some crooks, he goes undercover as Santa Claus? No one will notice him then, right? "Hey look, Mugsy, Santa Claus is wandering around, asking about our racket. Phew! For a second I thought he might be a reporter. Tell Santa whatever he needs to know. He's prolly just trying to get the goods on giving furs for Christmas. Every kid loves a fur coat. Yeah, that's it.")

Perry thinks Jimmy is "disguise-happy" (ya think?) and notes how well Jimmy is imitating an old man. But what's this? Jimmy left the notes on the fur racket in the evolution chamber. Perry crawls inside to retrive them, the cabinet glows and wham! Perry is now a baby! He's a baby wearing Perry's clothes and bawling. Childcare expert Jimmy puts a cigar in the baby's mouth yet oddly enough, the child is not happy about that. (Can you imagine in today's anti-smoking world what the outcry would be if one put a cigar into a baby's mouth?) The cigar thing proves to Jimmy that Perry is not just a baby in appearance, but also one mentally.

Just then Lois drops by. She takes one look at Santa Jimmy holding a baby dressed in Perry's clothes and to her credit, asks what's going on. (Things are strange at the Planet, but apparently there's a limit.) Jimmy explains his disguise and then says that the baby is a relative of Perry's and is dressed like that for a gag. Funny stuff. Dressing a baby in a man's suit. Lois doesn't question it so Jimmy asks Lois to babysit but she's on her way into Perry's office to check on a feature and hasn't the time.

Baby Perry is now happily playing with an ink bottle (my guess is that they needed to match all of the elements on the cover because DC covers often came before the stories). Jimmy cleans him up and while the baby makes a racket, Jimmy tells him he has to get on that racket story. (heh) Santa Jimmy buys a stroller and baby clothes and takes the baby with him to the racket story. (He's going to blend in even more now! An old, skinny Santa Claus pushing a baby carriage – who would look twice at that? It's a perfect disguise).

Santa Jimmy stares at some crooks about 10 feet away. The crooks do not notice the Santa who's got a baby carriage and is taking pictures of them. Apparently, ex-convicts are stealing furs and selling them in a store. Now that Jimmy's got the goods on the racket (phew! That MacGuffin racket plotline needs to be put away. We're interested in the Santa, baby, phone booth plot, not some stupid fur racket. When does Lois get in the booth? Huh? It's on the cover so it must happen. C'mon, Lois, get in there and get turned into something Superman dare not say).

Once finished with the racket, Jimmy hightails away because it's after 5pm. "Jeepers, it's time for my date with Lucy Lane... and if I stand her up, I'll be an old man before I get another date! What am I saying? I am old!" Let's just hope Lucy is suitably impressed by Jimmy going into the phone booth. That was supposed to be a turn-on for her, right?

But at a downtown nightclub (they're going to a nightclub at 5pm?) Santa Jimmy races in with baby Perry. Lucy isn't even sure it's Jimmy. He tells her it's a disguise and let's face it, no explanation is more acceptable than Jimmy is wearing a disguise since he puts a new one on every 5.4 seconds. They sit down to dinner and Jimmy orders a steak for Lucy and a soft-boiled egg with crackers for himself. (It's because he's old. Just in case you forgot. Jimmy is old. He eats old man food. Phew – it's a good thing they keep reminding us, huh?) He orders a bottle "for my editor... I mean, my baby" (just in case you forgot the baby was Perry Whi—oh, forget it).

Lucy is not amused by Jimmy's disguise and tries to pull off the beard. Uh oh! It's real! He spills the beans to Lucy, telling her the truth about the cabinet. He offers to take her to the planet to show her (she never got her steak! I'd like a steak. I'll eat it) the cabinet. "I'll come," says Lucy, "And if this cabinet of yours has done anything to my sister Lois, I'll... I'll..." She looks angry instead of turned on. Poor Jimmy blew it in so many ways. And now Lucy is worried about Lois (nice to see her getting protective of her older sister).

The two of them (and baby makes three) head to the planet. Jimmy gives her the abridged version of finding the cabinet (making sure to mention yet again that it wasn't converted to Kryptonite. Hmmm....) but Lucy thinks the story sounds fishy.

And now let the mayhem begin! Perry tries to crawl out a window, Lucy decides to debunk Jimmy's story by going in the cabinet (will no one show a single working brain cell and stay out of the flocking cabinet????) and Lois enters at that moment, still searching for Perry.

Whaddaya suppose is gonna happen now? Mayhem, I tells ya, pure mayhem! Be sure to come back Friday for the thrilling conclusion of THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen (Story Three, Part 1): THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Curiosity is a good quality in a newspaper reporter, but it can be carried too far! And Jimmy Olsen proves that when his curiosity drags him, and also Perry White and Lois Lane, into an amazing predicament from which it seems even Superman can't rescue them! Here is the tale of the strange doom that came out of-- THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Life is never easy for ole Jimmy, is it? Even when he's showing one of the qualities that put the rep in cub reporter, he still manages to get in trouble. I wonder how? Oh, look! A comic book and it appears to have all the answers. Let's find out together, shall we?

Our splash page shows Metropolis's rainbow Lego block skyline and Jimmy as an old man. You can tell he's old because he has a long, white beard down to his knees, uses a crooked cane, has his hand on his back, and puffs and gasps in his thoughts. I'll admit that I don't know if geriatrics puff and gasp in their thoughts, but I'm willing to take it as given. (Note that Jimmy's trademark 'red' hair has but a wee bit of white at the temples and is otherwise still full, lush and orange, as it always is. I guess when something is your trademark it won't do to lose it. How else are we to know it's Jimmy? Certainly not by his fashion sense. Everyone knows Jimmy only owns one suit and it's green. Apparently, once aged, Jimmy quickly went shopping at Geezer Gap.) Meanwhile, Superman flies overhead and helps the reader note that a) it's Jimmy – just in case that orange hair didn't clue us in enough, b) he's old, and c) he's having a tough time holding his job, most likely due to internal puffing and gasping.

I glance at the first panel and right off the bat, I'm proven wrong. Jimmy does own clothes that aren't green. I guess the bowtie is far more important than the color of his suit. The story begins with Jimmy shouting at a flying Superman. Apparently, Supes didn't answer Jimmy's signal watch's "zeeeee". Jimmy wants Supes to help with a deep-sea dredging story. Superman can't help with that fascinating dredging story, however, because he's on the tail of Mr. Mxyzptlk (helpfully pronounced "Mix-Yez-Pit-Lek" according to the editor).

So what is that wacky interdimensional imp up to now? (oddly, Microsoft Word does not recognize the word 'interdimensional'. Do they not read any comics over there? Shame on them. They are tainting the appellations 'geek' and 'nerd' for everyone.) Ole Mxy is causing havoc by reversing signs (i.e. spelling everything backward). Wow. That is... just... havoc-making. Obviously a job for SUPERMAN! The world would stop if a motorist can't make out that billboard for Burpsi-Cola (or Isprub-Aloc, as it now appears). Superman needs to make all new signs to avoid traffic jams. (Often I think about the things that happen in comics and what mayhem would be produced in the real world were some of the happenings within to occur in reality. The comic world needs superheroes just to deal with all that insanity. But reversed signs? Yeah, that's the end of civilization as we know it. No nation could recover from that. Armageddon.)

Recognizing the seriousness of the whole 'ngis' dilemma, Jimmy heads on over to the docks for the dredge report (heh). A crane lifts up what appears to be a red phone booth and it is a startling sight to Jimmy. "What in the world is the dredge bringing up now?" (Nothing political, I hope) The dredge guy doesn't know but guesses it's been sunk for a hundred years due to its excessive silty-ness.

Dredge Guy does not see it as a red phone booth. He thinks it is some sort of scientific instrument (have to admit, that would not have been my first thought.) Ever-helpful Jimmy notes that, "...this inscription on it is in the language of the perished planet, Krypton! I learned the language from Superman and can read it!" Wow, Jimmy's education in all things Superman even extends to speaking Kryptonese. That is simply amazing. I wonder how often that's needed? What am I saying? In Jimmy's life, probably every other day.

He reads it aloud. "This is the evolution cabinet of Zan Zoll (Kryptonians really love the letter "Z", don't they?), scientist of Krypton..." The rest is corroded and illegible. As Jimmy and the dredger load the cabinet onto the Daily Planet helicopter, Jimmy notes that, "for some mysterious reason, it was not changed into Kryptonite." You know, that alone would make me wary of the thing. A scientific instrument from Krypton. Not turned into Kryptonite. Zan Zoll. Yup, those all add up to a big yellow "Caution!" sign to me. But this is Jimmy "I'll do anything as long as it's against common sense" Olsen. He's taking it with him so Superman can have a lil look-see.

Later, in the Daily Planet office, Jimmy proudly shows Perry White his new toy. The ever-sensible Perry warns Jimmy not to "tamper with it." Sound advice, Chief. Just don't expect Jimmy to follow it. (that's a guess on my part. Perhaps I'm wrong and the rest of the comic is simply pictures of Planet employees walking past it without touching it.)

The next panel shows Jimmy opening the door to the big red phone booth scientific instrument from Krypton that shouldn't be tampered with. He thinks, "What does Perry think I am... a child? I'm not going to tamper with this thing... but it won't hurt to look it over... if I could find out what it does, I might be able to impress Lucy Lane tonight!" Brilliant thinking, sport. Don't tamper with it, but open it up, try to figure out how it works because there's nothing that turns Lucy Lane on more than a guy who tampers with, er, figures out how big red phone booth scientific instruments from Krypton work. Yeah, go on inside and see what happens.

"What's happening!" From my perspective, Jimmy, you're in a big red phone booth scientific instrument that is now glowing. What a startling turn of events! "I didn't touch any gadgets, but that force came on automatically when I stepped in! It's overpowering!" (I did NOT see this coming. I thought for sure opening the door and getting inside would be completely harmless. Wonder what happened? If only the splash page had given us a clue.)

Are you as curious as I am about what could possibly have happened to Jimmy in the big red phone booth? Are you completely clueless because the splash page and the cover of the comic book are too enigmatic? Then come back on Wednesday for part 2 of "THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!"

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story One, Part 1): THE BURGLARY KIT FROM THE FUTURE

"In his amazing adventures with Superman, cub reporter Jimmy Olsen has come across some astounding gadgets... including his super-sonic signal watch, the fantastic red kryptonite ray-gun and the Sunevian wonder belt! But the incredible array of super-gadgets he meets in this story tops them all! Thrills come fast and furious when you read the story of... THE BURGLAR KIT FROM THE FUTURE!

I don't know about you, but I personally can't wait to have thrills coming fast and furious. That Jimmy is always getting into trouble because of his deep-seated desire to be Superman. He wears costumes at the drop of a hat, has his enormous collection of super-memorabilia, and now a burglar kit from the future? That spells trouble to me!

The splash shows Jimmy trying out some of the gadgets from the burglar bag by using tongs that appear to phase into a file cabinet (fourth dimensional tongs, actually) and x-ray glasses. Good ol' Jimmy has both Lois and Lucy Lane right in front of him and he uses the x-ray specs on a file cabinet. Then again, he's doing it to try to impress Perry White, so it makes sense. Perry lost the key to his Superman file cabinet, you see, and Jimmy is helping him out by retrieving an 8x10 of Big Blue. I wonder why he keeps those locked up? Is there a lot of risk involved in keeping a Superman file cabinet? Could Supes' enemies try to get to him via Perry's files? Well, whatever is in there, Perry appears happy enough to let Jimmy and his phasing tongs go at it.

The story begins with Jimmy hosting a small get together with Clark Kent and Lucy Lane. Being Jimmy, it's all about bragging about his Superman souvenir collection, which is housed in a safe made of "the hardest metal in the universe". Lucy is impressed and Clark smiles benignly. Jimmy apparently isn't happy with Clark's noncommittal response because he says, "Some collection, Clark, eh? (I believe Jimmy is originally from Canada) I'll bet you wish you were Superman's best friend instead of me!" The benign smile doesn't waver as Clark agrees that a lot of people envy Jimmy. But in one of my favorite silver age conventions, a thought balloon spells everything out, just in case the reader is unfamiliar with the bespeckled secret identity. "Ha ha! Jimmy would really flip if he knew that I am Superman!" Just keep that in mind, folks. If you feel like bragging on yourself, you may be talking to someone who secretly has far more to brag about than you. We can learn so much about life in these comics, can't we?

Between the splash page and two panel set-up, we pretty much know what's going to happen in this story. Or do we...? Perhaps the next panel will throw the story in a brand new direction.

"As Jimmy serves supper, suddenly..." There's a big "THUMP!" from the room with the souvenir collection. (Jimmy is quite the host. Although his dining room table is about the size of a card table, all of the food he's carrying is in covered dishes, like in a fancy restaurant. He's such a bon vivant. And after dinner, they can play poker!) As with most of us, Jimmy has installed a two-way mirror so that he can spy on his collection from the dining room. Perfectly normal thing to do. (Wonder how many times he's tricked Lucy into changing clothes in that room? "Hey, Lucy, you can change in my Superman room. Feel free to gaze adoringly at my souvenirs as I, er, comb my hair in front of this mirror out here.")

When they look through the mirror they see a green-skinned thief dressed in a standard silver age "I'm from the future" spandex jumpsuit. Naturally, Clark Kent recognizes him from an encounter in the 31st century. (What are the odds? A thief from the future happens to break into Jimmy Olsen's apartment – Jimmy is famous over a thousand years into the future? – and Jimmy's having a party on that exact night hosting none other than Superman. Add to that the fact that Superman happened to run into that very thief in the distant future and it's almost beyond belief. Happily, I believe every word of it, so let's carry on.)

The thief uses a strange "vibration ray" weapon that shakes the safe to pieces. So much for the hardest metal in the universe. As we all know, the harder metal is, the less flexible it is. Safe-maker should have foreseen that a futuristic thief would be able to breech it with a vibration gun. Duh. Worse yet, it was apparently Superman who had given the guarantee that the safe was crack-proof.

What on earth is Jimmy going to do? His Superman souvenirs are in danger, his dinner party is ruined, and his suit clashes with the alien's skin! Will the alien get away with the theft? Will anyone eat Jimmy's dinner? Is it possible the alien brought with a burglar kit from the future? (not sure where I got that crazy idea.) Tune in tomorrow for part two of: THE BURGLAR KIT FROM THE FUTURE