Comic Books Revisited

Suspension

2008-03-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

As you may have guessed by my absense over the last couple of weeks, I haven't been able to get the time and energy needed to prep a new story. At this time, I'm going to suspend the blog until I can find the hours to do another revisit. Sign up for the feed so you can be alerted to new posts because they're no longer going to be on a regular schedule.

I apologize to those of you who have been loyal readers. I hope you'll find me again the next time I post. For now, I bid you an abbreviated adieu and hope to be back soon.

Oops!

2008-03-04T06:48:00.001-08:00

I messed up. Didn't get the new story chosen, scanned, written, well, you get the idea. Been working on something else. I'll do my best to get you the new story next week. My apologies.

Action Comics 289 (Part 8, Finale): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-22T02:23:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman has the hots for Supergirl but she's his cousin so he doesn't have the hots for her at all. Instead, Supergirl checks on the computer for a double and finds Luma Lynai on the planet Staryl. Luma and Kal-El fall instantly in love and he asks her to return to Earth with him.

Oh no! This is terrible! As soon as Luma Lynai gets to the earth's solar system she becomes weak and unpowered! (Today's No-Prize goes to Jim for nailing the ending to this final bit of match-making.) Naturally, Supergirl is still spying on her cousin. It's beginning to feel like the Maid of Might is a stalker. And it's still creeping me out a bit that Superman's dream woman is his cousin. I always thought they had a very brother/sister vibe about them. Then again, Lois Lane is the only woman for him in my book. (You couldn't tell I was a Lois fan? Are you even reading this blog?)

Superman speeds Luma back to her home planet with the blue and/or orange sun, depending on which panel you're reading. Actually, it appears they've settled on orange now. Luma takes her time telling Superman she's feeling better (all the way home, actually. Guess she didn't recover as soon as they left the earth's yellow sun behind. Or maybe she just feels that being carried by a big, strong superhunk was kinda ginchy).

She doesn't quite understand what happened, so once again we're treated to Superman talking about growing up on Krypton and then coming to Earth and getting powers under the yellow sun. (Yeah, I know -- my whole beef about the weird placement of that backstory in another scene was silly but you have to admit it was a clumsy way of getting the info out. Right in the middle of their love discussion Superman and Supergirl tell each other about where they both grew up and from whence comes their powers? It was weird, I tells ya! Okay, I'm over it. Let's move on.)

When he finishes telling her his backstory, he offers to move to Luma's planet, but she won't have it. Earth needs its Superman. Her thought balloon, however, is a classic romance comic "I'll always love you..." said with the tearful turned face. This was done at a time when romance comics were selling well so a little borrowing from that genre couldn't hurt.

I'm wondering if Superman's offer was sincere. He's spent most of his life dedicated to truth, justice and the American Way. He's earth's greatest hero. He's more tied to that planet than he ever was to Krypton. And yet he's willing to leave it forever for a woman he met five panels ago? He didn't even take a whole story, let alone a whole comic ("...in a booklength adventure!") to fall in love. It rings a wee bit hollow to me. Especially since she says, "No! Earth needs you! Go – forget me!" and the next panel he's back home. Didn't take much to convince him. No argument, no fuss, no goodbye.

Then again, how serious was she? He made the offer. She could've said yes. But instead, she pushes him back into the arms of another, er, planet.

Perhaps I'm wrong. The next panel has him back on Earth with Supergirl in his arms. Maybe it's he's feeling so blue that the hand that's touching him turns blue itself. (oooh, spooky! Coloring error or subliminal message? It's a Superman story from 1962 – coloring error.)

Resigned to his bachelorhood, Superman bids Kara adieu. "Maybe fate had a purpose in foiling your three attempts to get me married off!" Supergirl ponders her own summing up of the experience, thinking that perhaps Lois Lane (yes!) or Lana Lang (no!) could be fate's plan for him.

Back home in her Linda Danvers identity, she tells her adopted parents the entire story. Linda swears she's learned her lesson and will never play cupid again. But what's this? While doing her homework, she comes across a picture of Cleopatra. Immediately, her mind starts whirring, wondering if she would make a perfect mate for Superman.

SLAM! She shuts her book and with a somewhat evil expression (not sure why she looks evil, but that arched eyebrow and pursed lips kinda give me the willies) catches herself. She made a promise not to interfere and by gosh by gum by golly, that's what she's gonna do! No more cupid! From now on her only other persona will be as Supergirl!

And that's the end of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID! I hope you enjoyed it. If so, let me know in the comments!

As has become my custom, I won't be posting next week so that I can find the next comic to give the business to. There's a lot of prep needed – searching for the right story, making scans, etc. so I'll need the time. Come back March 3rd for the next comic book revisit! And while you're waiting, tell all your friends that this blog is the best place on the web to revisit the gems of the golden age, atom age, silver age, and bronze age. Share the love!

Action Comics 289 (Part 7): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman and Supergirl gave the legionnaires chunks of an anti-gravity meteorite for Christmas. Then, after quite a build-up, Saturn Woman finally enters the scene. The next thing you know, Superman is all over her, liplocking under every piece of mistletoe he can find. Is Saturn Woman the one he'll fall in love with? Find out now in Part 7 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

"Hey, what do you mean by kissing my wife twice, Superman?" come the angry words of Lightning Man. Well, I guess we should've known that anyone who can get plaques for loveliness would probably be off the market. Superman is immediately chagrined and makes a hasty retreat. Supergirl is also upset. She forgot to do her research. (Ever heard of Google, Supergirl? You haven't? Oh, right. You're the 1962 version and even though you've spent a lot of time in the future, it's really more about superpowers, wacky Christmas trees and jumpsuits than futuristic innovation.) She now wishes she'd set him up with Phantom Woman. Wrong again, Supergirl. She's hitched to Ultra Man.

Once back in the past that is their present, Supergirl confesses. She tells Superman that she had been trying to set him up and had failed. Next comes an hilarious and yet oddly creepy panel where Superman tells Supergirl he could only fall for someone like her. Then comes a lengthy discussion about cousins marrying that seems bizarre in contrast to the intimate picture below it.

The drawing looks like two lovers. But they're cousins, so that's icky. But some places it's legal to marry cousins so they can't do a total ick on it for fear of insulting all those married cousins. Then comes a description of Kryptonian law. This panel is just... well take a look for yourself. Weird, isn't it?

Wisely, Supergirl gets some distance. Supes, however, is not through lecturing. A quick recap of their origin story later (really? The origin story? That's what we needed in this panel? I'm not sure why. Seems a bit of a non-sequitor to me), and Supergirl, speaking of the sun as the source of their powers suddenly remembers the large computer she's standing next to. What? I am so confused. They recap their origins and discuss their power source so that we can get to the computer? Isn't there a less clumsy way of doing that? I can think of a couple dozen ways, just off the top of my head. It's just... weird. These last two panels feel like changes from the editor. Maybe they have a "story of Krypton" and "sun as strength" quota and they were behind. However, I could be wrong. Often things seem very out of place and later in the story that information becomes a key component of the story. Perhaps the origin and power recap are foreshadowing. Guess we'll have to wait and see, because Supergirl has an idea and when she's playing Cupid, there's no stopping her!

Supergirl enters some data in the supercomputer and badda bing, it gives her the name of a planet – Staryl. Apparently, there's a duplicate of Kara living on Staryl. Oh goody. Superman can fall in love with his cousin without it being his cousin, and yet it still has a creepy factor! That's quite a feat.

Superman agrees to go to Staryl to meet his cousin's double. He heads for a planet revolving around a blue sun. The next panel has Supergirl spying on her cousin with her telescopic vision. I have no idea how much time has passed, but Superman is already liplocking with the caped double of Supergirl. "Love at first site," thinks Kara. She then adds a thought about the "super-scientific devices" of Staryl allowing her double to speak English. Just in case you was a-wondering, dear reader.

Superman and Luma Lynai (how amazing that this Supergirl look-alike romantic interest just happens to have the initials LL like every single woman Superman's ever fallen in love with! What are the odds?) fly around Staryl starry-eyed. Good thing she's also super-powered, has a logo on her chest and wears a cape. Then again, she wouldn't be a double for Supergirl otherwise, so I guess that makes total sense. He wants her to come to Earth with him and get married. She wants to go wherever he goes (wonder if she can cook for aliens and clean the fortress?). I have no idea why, but in the background there's an orange sun when two panels earlier Superman distinctly mentioned it was orbiting a blue sun. Of course, there's a big orange ball-o-fire behind the small blue sun, but why mention the blue sun if only an orange sun can be seen from the planet? And is this the one true love who will marry Superman and make all of the comics printed after it a lie because she's rarely mentioned ever again? She must be! She's the one! He loves her! She loves him! They're going to Earth! What could possibly go wrong?

Don't forget to come back Friday for the thrilling conclusion of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 6): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Supergirl cleaned the fortress and then she and Superman flew into the future to attend a Christmas party hosted by the adult legionnaires. Because our heroes forgot to bring presents, they slipped out the back door to rustle something up. What could they be? Find out now in Part 6 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

It doesn't take our super pair more than a few moments to return with Christmas presents I know I'd like to get. It seems they went into outer space and found an anti-gravity meteor (who knew such a thing existed? I never learned about them in astronomy class. But then, my professor – a man named Johnny Mathis, I kid you not – was not super-powered and thus, probably hadn't personally searched all of space in the moments it takes to find one of them). Supes breaks it up into little pieces so each of the legionnaires can put a chunk in their belts. "You need only give mental commands, activating it, and you'll fly!" So not only are the meteors able to break the pull of gravity, but they do so only when given a mental command?

Wow. Just... wow. That is some cool meteor. If Johnny Mathis knew about this and didn't tell him I'm gonna be so ticked off. Bet that's what all those shuttle missions were about, too. Hubbel Telescope is probably looking for them as well. It's a conspiracy to keep ordinary people from having mentally-commanded anti-gravity belts! They're saving all the chunks for the superheroes who may some day materialize!

Back to the story. Everyone likes their present. But Supergirl has much more on her mind than mere meteors. She's got some matchmaking to do. First, she shows Superman a plaque that honors Saturn Woman for driving off space monsters. Then she whips out a second plaque that honors her for "...exceptional intelligence and loveliness!" (Loveliness? Really? They gave her a plaque for that? Is physical beauty still the only real accomplishment of a woman 1010 years into the future? Can you imagine giving Batman a plaque for craggy handsomeness or Superman for good grooming? Loveliness. Oh, man.)

Superman responds to the plaques with "She must be quite a gal." Doesn't he already know her really well from his youth? He was in the Legion with her, for crying out loud. He already knows she's "quite a gal." Perhaps it's temporary amnesia brought on by searching for anti-gravity meteors.

Saturn Woman enters the room giving Superman a va-va-vooom moment (why is she touching her breast? That tease). He says he never dreamed she'd grow up to be such a spectacular beauty. (So... he considered her hopelessly ugly as a teenager? Perhaps he thought she'd peaked at 18 and there was nowhere to go but down. Whatever he thought of her, she's a mind-reader so she knew all about his low opinion. Or I could be wrong he thought she'd grow up to be a beauty, but just not a spectacular beauty. If so, his thoughts probably weren't all that offensive. And now, back to the story.) Pleased that Superman is attracted to Saturn Woman's nationally recognized loveliness, Supergirl sets a mistletoe trap (and that's why it's Christmas, of course! I should've seen that one coming).

And then come two panels I would've loved as a little girl, had I owned this story then. (I'm actually relating this story to you from an 80 page giant because I sold my copy of the original. This is an all Supergirl giant, Adventure Comics 390 from Mar-Apr 1970. My copy is, of course, coverless. A low grade collector such as myself never balks from a coverless book as long as the stories are intact. Anyway, my point is that I can't believe I missed buying this giant when I was a kid because 80 pages of Supergirl fun, excitement and romance is something I would never have passed by. I really missed out.)

Superman gives Saturn Girl a big smooch and by gosh and by golly, the lad likes it. In fact, he likes it so much, he gives her another. Supergirl is overjoyed. She immediately builds these two kisses into wedding bells. Saturn Woman doesn't appear to be fighting it, either. Could Supergirl have found the perfect match? Ooh, la la! With all these liplocks, she may just have succeeded!

How will you find out? Looks like you'd better come back Wednesday for Part 7 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

A little treat

2008-02-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

Because I didn't give you an update yesterday (I forgot that my computer was going to do the big monthly backup and the backup program conflicts with both my wp and my image programs, so I couldn't get it done) I'll give you a little visual treat. Years ago, just a short time before his death, I had the pleasure of speaking on the phone to Curt Swan, one of the giants of DC's illustrators. My little fangirl heart melted with joy. Then, to my utter surprise and astonishment, he drew something just for me.

This gorgeous pencil drawing of Saturn Girl, Wonder Woman, and Supergirl is perfect for this story and this blog. I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day and will return on Monday for the next installment of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Oops!

2008-02-15T22:40:00.001-08:00

Well, the day got away from me and I messed up. Didn't get the next part written. I promise it'll be up Monday. I'm very sorry for the delay.

Action Comics 289 (Part 5): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Helen of Troy turned out to be a bad choice, especially when Supergirl stole all the attention from her. When Supergirl and Superman returned to the Fortress of Solitude, however, the Maid of Might put her sites on a new possible mate for Man of Steel: Saturn Girl! How's that going to work out? Read and find out in Part 5 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Supergirl cleans up the Fortress of Solitude. (Okay, I was sort of expecting a plan to be put in motion. You know, she's got to pursuade Supes into heading into the future. I don't get the connection between cleaning and the whole storyline.) Superman is pleased. "Some day, when you're married, it'll be your wife who will do your housecleaning!" says Supergirl. And there we have it. I totally missed it because I don't live in the early 60s. "Wife" is no longer solely defined by housecleaning and cooking meals (the two things we've seen in this story that are traits of a "good wife"). Yeah, I could see Helen of Troy cleaning the oven. And Saturn Girl is certainly suited to cleaning the grout in the shower with a toothbrush.

Take a deep breath, Joanna. It's a snapshot of another era. In the time period this comic was written the thought of a woman running for President would've been as fictional as the time log. Okay, I'm better now.

Superman scoffs at the idea of getting married because protecting earth against "various perils" comes first. Undaunted, Supergirl smiles while thinking, "That's what you think! Little do you know what's cooking in this eager little brain of mine!" (argh! A pet peeve. The use of the word "little". Little is often used by males to describe female accomplishments. "Nice little song you wrote there." "That's a good little picture you drew." So the male comic book writer has Supergirl self-describing her super-brain – capable of just as many mental gymnastics as Superman's super-brain -- as little. Okay, I'll quit. I promise.)

Still obsessed by how clean the fortress is (did he never pick up a broom?), Superman says, "What a fine cleaning job! Is there some way I can show my appreciation?" And now the plan has hatched! I should never have doubted Supergirl's super-brain. Immediately, she asks him to follow her into the future to attend a legion party. Superman's game and both jump into the rainbow time stream. But what's this? They aren't exiting in the usual spot. Supergirl is flying past the point where the superheroes were young.

They land 10 years past the usual exit so the teens are now adults. (Of course, Superman doesn't seem to think about the fact that he, too, is an adult.) Lightning Lad is Lightning Man (but Supergirl is still Supergirl because she hasn't aged). Always a keen observer, Supes notices that there's a fake Santa in a rocketship and concludes that it's Christmas.

Inside the clubhouse, there's a space-age fake Christmas tree and what's this? Phantom Girl has become Phantom Lady and she's a teapot! (I always keep my promises, F.S.)

Cosmic Man and Phantom Lady give Superman and Supergirl photos of their Kryptonian parents as gifts (I'm not sure how they knew they were coming, but we'll just assume Supergirl set it up somehow). They photographed them off the time scope "to give you if you came to the party." Oh, so it wasn't a sure thing. I have a feeling we're supposed to accept this without questioning, so I'll move on.

Superman and Supergirl slip out the back because they didn't bring presents. Wonder what they'll get? It has to be pretty super because, well, that's obvious. And where's Saturn Woman? They came all this way to see her and so far they've just run into a couple of guys and a teapot. Oooh, the anticipation is too much!

Well, not too much not to make you wait until Friday. Yeah, I got started really late on this entry so I'm cutting it a bit short. Still, I can promise you this: there's kissing ahead! What? You were hoping for a superhero battle, a villain, or some sort of action? Well, those warriors did poke at Superman a couple pages back. That doesn't count? Too bad. This is a primo silver age Supergirl story and that means there's kissing ahead! Besides, what else did you expect from this Valentine's edition of Comic Books Revisited? What better story than WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Action Comics 289 (Part 4): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman meets Helen of Troy. He then stands around while warriors try to kill him. Meanwhile, Supergirl makes quick work of the beasts of doom (a unicorn and a minotaur). But when the guy who let the beasts out is ready for punishment, Supergirl refuses to kill him. It's not her choice, however. It's Helen and her excruciatingly slow thumb gesture. Now let's get to Part 4 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID before Helen's thumb runs out of gas.

Although Helen has decided to give the beast-keeper a thumb's down, Supergirl uses her superbreath to pressure Helen's thumb into a positive gesture. Proudly, Superman compliments her on her quick thinking having obviously figured out what just happened in the thumb war.

Having done so well in the recent beast crisis, Supergirl is proclaimed the "Toast of Troy", which angers the egotistical Helen because she wants all the attention. Yeah, perfect wife material for Superman. He'd love to have a wife who wants all the attention and hates being overshadowed by superdeeds.

Supergirl finally realizes that perhaps this wasn't the best choice of mate, though her reasoning is that Superman failed to fall in love. A wee moment, yet again. He was there for a very short time and in that brief visit he didn't say more than a couple of words to Helen. He spent most of it having swords and spears bent on his manly chest. How on earth is he supposed to fall in love when he barely noticed Helen? Was her beauty alone supposed to do the trick? Oh, Supergirl, must you buy into the misogynistic thinking that beauty is a woman's only asset? That a pretty face is the only measure of a woman's worth? That beauty alone is the only attribute that informs a man's desire (for men, too, are being short-shrifted by this myopic attitude)? Maybe Supergirl needs to start hanging out more with Wonder Woman.

With the Helen thing a bust (no pun intended), Superman and Supergirl go back into the rainbow time stream. Supergirl acknowledges that she goofed by choosing Helen but that she would do better next time. Superman just stares at her as if he can read her thought balloon. Then again, he's probably wondering what the heck that whole episode was about, since there was no emergency and he had to log the trip in the Time Travel Log Book.

Back at the Fortress of Solitude, Supergirl spies some small statuettes of the Legion of Superheroes. Her thought balloon gives some exposition about the club for the new readers. Seeing the Saturn Girl statuette, she's found her next romance victim. A grown-up Saturn Girl would be perfect for Superman!

Have to admit, Saturn Girl does seem a better choice than Helen of Troy, but you know how those time barrier relationships can go. Still, it is an intriguing choice and it'll be fun to see the legionnaires. Wonder how Supergirl is going to talk him into going with her this time? The old note by the Log Book won't work. Besides, he's standing right next to her. Guess we'll have to wait and see on Wednesday for Part 5 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 3): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Supergirl had crossed the time barrier and was in ancient Troy visiting the beautiful Helen. She'd left a note for Superman to join her in hopes of doing a little matchmaking. Superman's arrival is imminent, so let's get to the story of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Flying through the rainbow of time (no disappearing this time. Instead we're back to the time barrier being bands of color) Superman races to ancient Troy worried that Supergirl might be in trouble. Upon arriving, he flies to the arena and asks Supergirl, "What's the emergency?" His cousin coyly tells him that she never said it was an emergency and then quickly introduces him to Helen of Troy.

The court advisor is worried because Helen appears to be attracted to the man whose underwear is on the outside. He thinks, "The flying mortal might thwart my evil ambitions!" A moment whilst we consider this. It's ancient Troy where the gods often show up and hang out with the people, or so their stories say. Seeing a guy flying would, I'd assume, give one pause. Is he a god? I'd think he'd have to be because no one else flies. That's Hermes' game. Although he's not dressed like Hermes, were I in ancient Troy, I'd probably put my money on that anyway. Yet Mr. Advisor instantly assumes he's a mere mortal. Not only that, he also assumes this stranger is there to thwart his evil plans. Does Helen fall in love so quickly that a fancy red cape is enough to dazzle her? Or perhaps she likes people who fly? Whatever the case, the advisor correctly assumes that Superman is trouble. (Had he also assumed Superman was rocketed to earth as a small child when his home planet exploded, he'd get extra points.)

Rhondous (that's the court advisor's name) urges the warriors to destroy Superman "...lest he win the princess's heart!" Since they're all dressed for battle, they agree. I'm not sure what the evil plan is, but apparently it includes some warrior marrying Helen. He doesn't appear to be too particular about which one it is.

Dutifully, the warriors attack Superman, who stands there looking bored and superior. Supergirl hears their shock at his inability to be slain and says, "Disappointed fellows?" Meanwhile, Rhondous gasps while hiding behind a pillar, stunned that the warriors' weapons have no effect. He decides to unleash the beasts of doom. (Oh, man, not the beasts of doom! With a name like that, they're gonna be horrible, frightening, hellish monsters! Hold me; I'm frightened!)

The beasts of doom are... a unicorn and a minotaur. A unicorn? Really? That's your beast of doom? Little girls like unicorns. They about as scary as My Little Pony. Rhondous, you are one incredibly lame adversary!

Okay, so the cuddly beasts are unleashed and Supergirl totally buys into the whole doom thing. "Ulp! Two fierce creatures... a minotaur and a unicorn... are running amok! They're attacking the spectators! Since Superman is busy right now, I'll handle this menace!" (I guess Superman is busy standing still while warriors attack him. Or maybe he's flirting with Helen. I'm not quite sure. And why does Superman have to be busy in order for Supergirl to take care of My Little Pony? Is there a hierarchy between them? Is Supergirl not allowed to save people unless Superman is busy? 1962 was not a good time to be female. They got less respect than Rodney Dangerfield.)

Supergirl subdues the beasts with some bad puns while the untrampled spectators give her compliments. (I'm assuming the trampled ones aren't up to conversation at this point.) It's also become apparent that when Supergirl introduced herself, the entire arena heard her because someone in the shadows says, "Not only is Linda Lee beautiful, but she is more powerful than Achilles!" (Shadow Guy could be Rhondous, I suppose. It's not clear. Without a headband, I just can't tell.)

I'm now thinking that might've been Rhondous because in the next panel he tries to cover his tracks, telling Supergirl to slay the guy who let the beasts out. Since Rhonny told the guy to do it, he'd probably prefer it if the beast keeper gets offed. Supergirl refuses to do so. There's that whole "no killing" code and all.

Helen decides to make another appearance. She tells Supergirl that it's not her decision whether to kill the guy or not. Nope, that's Helen's choice. She explains the whole thumbs up or down thing to Supergirl and ends with "...Now to decide!" Ooh, the tension mounts. What will her thumb do?

And this leads to a fabulous thought balloon that could've come straight out of The Simpsons. Supergirl's thinks, "She's starting to gesture "thumbs down"!! What'll I do??" Apparently, it takes Helen a long time to gesture. There's enough time for Supergirl to have that whole thought balloon, and possibly come up with a plan and then execute the plan before the gesture passes the point of no return into a no. I'm no Flash, but I can do a thumb's down pretty quickly. Maybe ancient people lived at a slower pace and felt that gestures shouldn't be rushed.

The question is, how on earth is Supergirl going to keep Helen from completing her thumb's down gesture? There's so much power in that digit of destiny! Oh woe is me, the suspense of that slowly gesturing thumb is almost too much for me. I must know what happens next! How can even Supergirl control a thumb on someone else's hand?

You'd better come back on Monday to find out if Helen will complete her gesture in Part 4 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 2): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Supergirl watched a sad movie and decided that she needed to play matchmaker for her cousin, Superman. After dreaming of him happily married, she awoke with a plan and an idea of the perfect wife. Who is it? Join me now for Part 2 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID and find out!

Supergirl heads off to the Fortress of Solitude because she's figured out who the perfect woman is for Big Blue the Bachelor. Once finished in the fortress (don't let your curiosity get too out of control as to what she did there. We find out in the next panel) she heads off into the time stream by turning invisible. I like the effect of this panel – much cooler than that rainbow thing they usually use for the time stream. Kinda neat to see her fly out of the fortress and disappear.

So what did she do in the Fortress? She left Superman a note. He finds it after returning from some nondescript space mission (my guess is he was visiting his dear friend, the ugly green alien. I hear they're very tight). The note says, "Superman: Important! Join me in Ancient Troy on day indicated in Time Traveling Log Book! Supergirl."

On a table in front of Superman is none other than the Time Traveling Log Book. I'll admit that I never knew this existed. I had no idea that Superman and Supergirl (and Krypto the superdog, and Beppo the supermonkey and Comet the superhorse and Streaky the supercat and the host of other super beings) had to log all of their time travel in a book. ("January 23, 1961, went to January 22, 1961 to tell myself not to eat Lois's spaghetti and meatballs. Bleurg." "January 23, 1962, went to January 22, 1962 to beg for table scraps because Superman wasn't eating. Woof!")

I'm assuming Superman, upon reading the urgent note, immediately checked the log, signed in his own trip and made sure Beppo wasn't cheating by throwing his feces at the book instead of signing it.

"And now let's visit Ancient Troy where Supergirl has flown through the time-barrier..." Oh yes, let's do that. What is she up to? Is she looking for Hercules because he is mighty enough to be Superman's mate, not that there's anything wrong with that? Nope, she's making a bee-line for a famous beauty because we all know that good looks make a person invulnerable to harm. What's that? It doesn't? Er... I guess Supergirl sorta forgot why Superman isn't married. Apparently she thinks it's because he just hasn't found anyone pretty enough.

And there she is – Helen of Troy! It must be a challenge to be an illustrator and be told to draw Helen of Troy. It's not like we know what she looked like. Just that her beauty launched a thousand ships. That's tough to draw.

But draw her he did! (I believe the penciller is Jim Mooney, but don't quote me on that.) Helen of Troy sits serenely in the Royal Box in a giant arena. Next to her is a guy with a headband (is he from Krypton? I thought only guys from Krypton wore those headbands) and behind her is a guy from the 1960s. Well, he's supposed to be a Trojan, but his hair, long sideburns and goatee scream the 60s to me. Beside Helen is a giant vase because we all know that the only thing ancient people ever did was make pottery. They had it everywhere, even in their arenas.

Supergirl swoops in, startling Helen. While she swoops, Supergirl thinks some exposition, so the audience can catch up. Although Superman has never changed history (even over that meatball thing) Supergirl thinks she can because love conquers all (including the time stream, apparently). She stoked because the most beautiful woman in history would make a perfect match for Supes. Yeah, I'm still not seeing that (especially since Lois Lane owns a man-bait dress that makes her irresistible).

Headband guy turns out to be the court advisor of her father, King Tyndareus (we know this because he announces that fact to her. I would've thought she already knew, but apparently beauty doesn't equal smarts). He tells Helen to beware of the strange flying maiden. Helen dismisses him and asks Supergirl "Who be you?" (That's how Trojans spoke, I guess. I had no idea). Supergirl introduces herself as Linda Lee. I'm not sure why. When she's in costume, she's usually Supergirl. And there's always her Kryptonian name, Kara Zor-El. And since we saw in the beginning that she's living with her adopted parents, she's usually Linda Danvers. But nope, she uses her orphan name, Linda Lee. Not that it matters because she's in the past, but it just strikes me as a bit odd.

She tells Helen that she wants to introduce her to the world's mightiest man, who'll be dropping in shortly. That's got ole Helen intrigued, but that darn court advisor butts in saying that he won't be mightier than the warrior-suitors who'll be battling in the arena that day. Apparently, they're all hoping to "gain Princess Helen's favor." Ooh, fight! Hope none of them are made of Kryptonite. (Nah, no chance. There is no Kryptonite in the distant past because Krypton hadn't exploded yet. Well, it may have exploded, but nothing had been able to make the trip across however many lightyears away Krypton was. Okay, this is a slippery slope. If I start talking real astronomy, we're in big trouble because of the fact that every star you see in the sky is merely a reflection of that star in the distant past because of the time it takes light to travel through space. We really don't want to try to wrap our heads around Superman arriving on Earth as a baby and pieces of his planet littering our landscapes as it it were the next planet over.)

It sounds like the scene is set now for Superman's arrival. Will he fall in love with the beautiful Helen? Will the court advisor throw a monkey wrench into the works? Will Supergirl get in trouble for using her real name ("Oh, look at this ancient scroll we just uncovered – it says a flying maiden named Linda Lee chatted with Helen of Troy. It has a drawing and – holy cow! That's Supergirl! Then Linda Lee must be her secret identity!")? Will the other suitors defeat Superman (Sheya, right)? Will a thousand ships remain in the dock if Helen gets the hots for Big Blue? Come back on Friday for Part 3 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 1): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

First, my apologies for the delay in getting this story started. Something exciting happened that came out of the blue. I can't talk about it now, but I promise to tell you when I can. (It's not comic-related; it's from another area of my life).

Okay, time for another silver age revisit! Even though we just had a silver age book, I don't want to be predictable. I'm not posting in any specific order. Truth is, I wanted to do a Supergirl story because she was one of my favorites as a kid. I just adored Supergirl. She wasn't perfect like her cousin, Superman. And she was more powerful than most characters in the DCU (DC Universe). I was always excited when a new Supergirl story was in the spinner rack.

This book has a cover date of June, 1962 (It was reprinted in Adventure Comics 390, an 80 page giant dated March, 1970). If you're a fan of the Legion of Superheroes, stick around because you have some guest appearances to look forward to – including the revelation of a big secret.

Everybody ready? Okay, let's get to revisiting WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

It opens with a full page splash of Cupid aiming his bow at Superman, who is flying his giant key into the lock on the Fortress of Solitude. Not a lot of solitude there today, apparently, because Supergirl is also hovering nearby. While Cupid thinks semi-evil thoughts, Supergirl stops him from shooting, saying she wants the job of setting up Supes with the love of his life. It seems she thinks he's been a bachelor too long. I'm not certain why she feels she needs to set him up since he's already dealing with Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris and a host of other LLs who've flashed in and out of his life. Does he really need yet another woman to not marry? Apparently so.

The intro text is also a bit ominous as it says, "Since Supergirl is the most powerful girl in the universe, when she decides to get something done, she is almost certain to succeed because of her fantastic super-strength, flying ability, super-vision and other amazing powers!" Phew! Now that's a run-on sentence if I ever saw one. And with the old axiom that "every comic is someone's first", they managed to get in the exposition of Supergirl's powers without having to work it into the story. And if you readers have never come across a Supergirl story, you now know what her powers are without me having to tell you. Everyone up to speed? Let's get to the story.

"One evening in Midvale, as Linda Lee Danvers, who is secretly Supergirl, watches a movie on TV..." We see Linda and her parents in a cozy family scene, but poor Linda is a wreck. The movie is a sad one, and she is weeping over the fact that the "...bachelor in that story delayed proposing too long! His sweetheart has married another! Now he'll never know true happiness! ::choke:: -- I feel so sorry for him!" Oh, sweet, tender-hearted Linda. That is sad. I wonder if you know any bachelors who have delayed proposing to either their childhood sweetheart or their current coworker inamorata, both of whom have the initials LL? Hmmm...

Because this is a silver age comic book, we can't go too many panels without a) some kind of action and b) some display of how super Supergirl is. Yes, I realize they told us about her powers in the splash, but a lot of kids didn't bother with all that text. Too ready. No, what they want is a demonstration of her awesome powers (not a demonstration of her ability to cry at movies). And coincidently, something in Midvale has just gone wrong! Is it an alien invasion? A new supervillain? A meteorite about to crash into the orphanage? Oh, if only, dear reader! For it is something almost too heinous to mention...

Part of Midvale is affected by a power outage! Quickly, Linda Lee Danvers becomes the Maid of Might: Supergirl! She's spots the problem with her X-Ray vision, tunnels underground to the damaged power line and then fixes it while admiring crowds ooh and ahh over her mightiness. She barely pays attention because, as is noted on her return home, she's still thinking about the sad movie.

"As Linda drops off to sleep, she dreams..." Well, good for her! Oh wait, we get to see what she dreams. Astonishingly, it's her cousin, Superman, sitting with an unknown female (not a redhead, rather one with the trademarked black and blue hair as has characters like Superman and Lois Lane). They're looking cozy on the couch as Superman lights a fire in the fireplace with his heat vision. Superman is telling his wife that he never knew what happiness was until he married her "...thanks to Supergirl!" Interesting. Supergirl dreams about other people saying nice things about her.

But wait, there's more! The next scene in the dream has Superman and an ugly green alien at the dinner table while his mystery wife serves dinner. Superman is happy that she doesn't mind him bringing home a "friend from another planet for dinner." (Very tolerant wife, because I've never seen that ugly alien before and I'm wondering how good a friend he can be if we've never met him in an adventure? And how does mystery wife even know it's a he? She could be cooking for an ugly female alien who's boinking her husband on the side. Then again, Linda is too pure to be having boinking dreams -- especially when they star her cousin.)

The next morning, Linda changes into Supergirl having arrived at a plan to make her "dreams of happiness for Superman" a reality. She even has the perfect mate in mind.

Ooh, who can that be? What woman would be the perfect mate for a man who's sworn not to marry because his enemies could get to him by harming his wife? It would have to be someone pretty darn amazing, I'd think. There's only one thing to do: stop the story here so you have to come back on Wednesday for Part 2 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

New story starting on Monday

2008-02-01T04:38:00.000-08:00

It's been a whirlwind week with some exciting opportunities arising. I didn't have a chance to work on the next story much at all, but I plan to have part one of Action Comics 289: WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID for you on Monday. Yes, I felt it's time to have a Supergirl story. She was one of my favorite characters when I was a kid and that little dickens is in good form in the upcoming story from 1962. I hope to see you here!

Slight delay

2008-01-28T04:35:00.000-08:00

My apologies, but there will be a slight delay before starting the new story. Other projects need to be addressed but I'll be back as soon as I clear enough space to work up the next revisit. Meanwhile, if you have any favorite stories or characters, let me know. (If it's a Marvel character/story I can't do it because I don't have any Marvel comics.)

See you soon!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 5 - Finale): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-25T00:42:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Batman, Green Arrow and Aquaman brought their soiled hankies together so that Bats could fly the linens to the North Pole. This story is so wacky even the summary sounds like I'm on drugs! Be that as it may, that's what happened and you know darn well you can't resist reading the thrilling conclusion of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Near the fortress of solitude, Batman finds a stricken Superman, who is surrounded by green kryptonite and dancing aliens. He ties the three handkerchiefs to a bat-a-rang and tosses it to Supes. (Obviously, Superman has the sniffles from being in the arctic, but couldn't Batman find a fresh hankie or some Kleenex?)

"Gasp! Those lipstick stains! I-I must smear my face with them!" thinks Superman (I believe this is approximately when security was called on my roomies and I.), probably wishing they'd been Glamorous Garnet instead of Crimson Sunset because the latter clashed with his 'S'. Smear he does and instantly he shakes off the effects of the green K. He gets rid of the aliens and offers to fly Batman's plane back to Metropolis (I guess Batman was probably low on fuel after that long flight). And finally, we get the first hint of what was going on when Batman says, "Swell! As you see, Plan 'L' worked perfectly, thanks to Lois Lane! She was really ingenious!"

Plan L. Ah, but of course! Why didn't I see it? As Silver Age Superman aficionados know, the 'Plan' series were some of the craziest, silliest, most entertaining stories ever. The letters column of Lois Lane #31 (February 1962) said there would be similar stories about Plan J, with Jimmy Olsen, Plan P, with Perry White, Plan V, with Superman's Kandorian cousin Van-Zee, and Plan PR, with Pete Ross. Both Plan J (written by Jerry Siegel) and Plan P (written by Robert Bernstein) eventually appeared (plan P is in Action 295, and I can't remember which issue had Plan J), but Plan V and Plan PR were never written. Personally, I think it's nearly impossible to top Plan L.

And now, the convoluted explanation of everything that just happened. Ready? Here we go:

As all the players gather, Superman begins. "When I found myself in the Green Kryptonite death trap near my Fortress of Solitude, which... luckily, the aliens didn't spot... I used super-ventriloquism to Krypto to put plan 'L' into execution! That's why Krypto wrote the 'L' in the sky -- to alert Lois that I needed her help!"

Superman then mentioned Plan J and Plan P, but Lois points that "...Plan 'L' is to be carried out by me only when you're in dire peril from green kryptonite near the Fortress of Solitude." (Wow, that's really specific! Superman was really thinking when he came up with these Plan things).

Lois continues, "The idea was to rush to you some grains of red kryptonite I always carry in a lead capsule in my purse! Red kryptonite always has a different, unpredictable effect on you! But this particular type acts as an instant cure for green kryptonite! We know because it once saved Krypto from kryptonite poisoning! Therefore, these crystals could also be used to save you once... and once only... as an antidote for green kryptonite! However, I sensed trouble this morning when I received a mysterious vase of flowers!"

Apparently, there was a crystal eye on the bottom of the vase ("I see London, I see France. I see Lois with my plants."), and Lois instantly concluded that Superman's enemies were observing her. (That's what I always think when I see crystal eyes on household items. Good thing Lois didn't dismiss it as just another seeing-eye vase).

"I put two and two together!" continued Lois. "Whoever was monitoring me must also have Superman at his mercy! So I couldn't let the watchers see me give the red kryptonite to some Justice League of America heroes, who also knew what Plan 'L' was!" (Is there a reason Wonder Woman wasn't included in this Plan? A panel or two of Lois and Wondy making out would have probably sold twice as many copies.)

Lois is still talking. "Therefore I hit on a scheme to avoid their suspicions! I broke open the lead capsule inside my purse and used my lipstick to pick up the grains of red kryptonite... like dipping a celery stick in salt! ("Thank God I practiced dipping all those celery sticks or I'd never be able to manage this tricky maneuver.")

Having told Perry White I'd do a 'Heroes I've Kissed' article, I went about kissing as many heroes as I could, whispering my plan to each one as I hugged them..." (You know, that's a whole lot of talking she was doing while she was busy making out with all the superheroes. Quite the chatterbox. Aquaman seems upset about the whole thing, too. Maybe he wanted to be the only one who got kissed. He probably has a chip on his shoulder because swimming just isn't the superpower draw that, say, flying is.)

Because Batman knew the location of the Fortress of Solitude, he was assigned to fly the hankies to Superman.

Nothing convoluted about this plan. Nope. Granted, it explains everything that was a mystery in this story but it's not like one guess what it was about as it unfolded. Red kryptonite lipstick just in case Superman is ever trapped by aliens with green kryptonite near his Fortress of Solitude? Krypto skywriting a giant L? Plants with eyes? Kissing superheroes to pass the kryptonite (and it isn't like she carried the eye plant around with her so how did she know they were observing her when she was with the heroes?)?

Do you see why I adore this story? It's magnificently insane! It's weird, wacky and IRRESISTABLE! Just like Lois in her man-bait dress. Yeah, this is why I love comics.

But wait, there's one more panel – you won't need to guess what it is because you're staring at it, but tell me this wasn't predictable! Lois gets her reward from Superman -- a big, fat, kiss! Like she hadn't had enough of that already! ("Oops, forgot to take notes for the article. Okay, boys, line up and let's do it all again!")

And there it is. The infamous Plan L, put into action with flawless accuracy. Superman's Cheating Girlfriend Lois Lane, aka The Irresistible Lois Lane and her man-bait dress will have to come up with a new plan the next time Superman is in dire peril from green kryptonite near the Fortress of Solitude, I guess. Let's just hope it doesn't happen soon.

So, what did you think? Do you feel compelled to own your own copy? Did you read it or just look at the pictures? Let me know!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 4): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Aquaman swam into town to rescue people using scary sea creatures and Lois didn't hesitate to put her lips all over that seaman (Oops, I do believe I might've doubled that entendre). But Green Arrow and Aquaman just aren't enough to satisfy the girl reporter because she's got her eye on a certain man who likes to drive around disguised as a flying mammal. Please join me for Part 4 of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Lois begs a ride because Batman is in town and she wants more lovin'! "Really, Lois, you've got more crust than a pie!" Lana opines. (Although I like the sound of that hep talk, I'm not sure what crustiness has to do with kissing. Sounds a little... gross. Besides, aren't crusty people curmudgeons? Something to ponder).

Lois and Lana arrive at midtown in time to see Batman climbing a theatre marquee. (I wonder what major criminal event brought Batman from Gotham City to Metropolis? Hmm, can't wait to find out). While Batman thinks about moving "fast and quietly", Lois shouts out, "Look! There's Batman now! Climbing onto that movie marques!" (Rather than kiss Lois, I'm thinking Batman might slug her for shouting out his entire plan so that whomever he's chasing will hear. I mean, c'mon, Lois! He's a stealthy crimefighter! Don't narrate his moves! Then again, the crooks didn't notice the crowd, the TV van or Batman. They deserve to be caught.)

He spots some thugs trying to break into the theatre manager's office. Thinking fast, he unscrews some lightbulbs from the marques and tosses them onto the ground to simulate gunfire. The crooks give up instantly. ("We were just trying to buy some Raisonettes, Batman, we promise!"). Thank goodness there was no need to fight, or insert any superhero action into the scene. It might've distracted us from all the kissing. (Amazing that Batman solved the entire crime in 3 panels. He's a lot slower in Gotham City. Perhaps that's why he decided to come to Metropolis. Or is theatre crime tops on his list? "I'll go anywhere in the world if I hear crooks are trying to sneak into the movies!")

Lois is there to greet Bruce (we're tight) with a big hug. Lana is there to fume out a thought balloon. And Lana's camerman is there for the inevitable play-by-play. "He's kissing Lois Lane! He can't tear his lips away!" (Thanks, camerman. I never would've gotten that from the drawing of the two of them kissing, unable to tear their lips away).

Personally, I'm wondering if word got out that Lois was on a costume-loving kissing jag and that's why Metropolis is suddenly filled with superheroes.

"Later, outside Metropolis..." things start to heat up as Green Arrow and Aquaman join Batman on a cliff top. Always helpful, Batman makes sure to narrate the scene with his thought balloon. It's possible he's showing off his great detective skills, but personally, I wouldn't put that one on my resumé if I were him. (And in case you can't read Batman's thoughts or are obvious-impaired, Aquaman gets squirted up there by a whale spout and Green Arrow catapults himself out of his Arrow Car. Batman flew there in a plane. I'm thinking this is not your basic tourist cliff.) The three JLA members are obviously up to something. (See? I'm a detective, too!)

The plot thickens when Batman collects lipstick-smeared handkerchiefs from the other two, adding it to his own. Lipstick-smeared handkerchiefs from 3 heroes via Lois's lips -- what does it all mean? Whatever the answer, Bats hops in his Batplane and heads to the North Pole ("Tomorrow I'm taking old socks to the Himalayas!").

This scene has left me with so many questions! What are the hankies for? Why is Batman flying to the North Pole? Is Santa in on this? And for crying out loud, what was that opening scene with Krypto skywriting and secret admirers about? Looks like you're going to have to come back on Friday for the thrilling conclusion to THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 3): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-21T00:51:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Lois had conquered her first superhero for her kissing story. Green Arrow was more than willing to forego his blow-up doll arrow and indulge in a little lip on lip action with the Metropolis's most famous female reporter. And now, with an Aquaman sighting getting Lois all revved up, let's return to THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE:

"Gosh, Lana, I must cover that disaster! Aquaman will be there in person! Please give me a lift!" Despite the obvious hussy-ness of Lois's sudden interest in the story, Lana agrees to give her a ride.

Lana is worried about the passengers, but Lois has faith in the sea king. "He communicates with his sea creatures through fish telepathy!" she says. And there's Aquaman now -- standing on the back of a whale, directing a plethora of big fishies (And once again we can thank our lucky stars that fish think in English).

The rescue is Aquariffic! Octopi help people off the boat, while other passengers climb down ladders made of eels and swordfish (wouldn't eel ladders be rather slippery?).

So what happens once they're in the water? "...the dolphins, tarpins and sharks [are] waiting to transport you to the shore." (Sharks? SHARKS?? Oh gee, thanks, Aquaman! I'm so glad you're here, otherwise that octopus wouldn't have just handed me to a shark! You couldn't have sent a tuna or a dolphin?) But Arthur (again, first name basis) has ordered his toothy helpers not to dine on anyone, so all's well. However, the guy riding the shark looks a tad nervous.

Naturally, when all is well, Aquaman comes to shore and is accosted by Lois. "That cheap thing is at it again!" thinks Lana. "But she won't get anywhere with Aquaman! Heroes like him don't like to be rushed by girls!" (So... is she trying to say that Aquaman is gay? And if so, does she know about Batman and Robin or are those still rumors? Personally, I always thought Elongated Man had a certain "quality" -- and that Sue Dibney is a beard.)

Lana's cameraman is either a Canadian mind-reader, or he glanced at her thought balloon, because he says, "'Doesn’t like it", eh?' Listen to Aquaman! " Arty has turned off his fish telepathy, because he's begging for more like the randy he-man he is (so much for Lana's theory!), and he ain't kissing a flounder! The Irresistible Lois Lane is planting lipstick all over his big, blond head! (I believe his thought balloon would probably read, "The lips, Lois! Aim for the lips!")

Lana is jealous, Lois redoes her lipstick and Aquaman rides off on a whale -- just like so many dates end in high school.

Is Lois's kissing spree over? Is there anyone left? Perhaps we should check that cover once again – uh oh! Some guy dressed as a bat is last in line but looking very eager! This sounds like a job for THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE! (Come back on Wednesday to see if Lois can get rabies from kissing a Batman)

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 2): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-18T01:23:00.001-08:00

When last we read, Lois received a mysterious bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer, Krypto skywrote a giant "L" using a flaming torch, and Lois pitched a story about kissing superheroes to Perry White. None of these gives her a moment's hesitation because her focus is honed in on one huge, gigantic, earth-shattering problem: What should she wear? And now, let's return to the story.

Lois goes home and by a stroke of luck, found some man-bait in her closet. [Man-bait, n., 1. Something used in luring, especially to hook or trap an adult male. 2. A dress that hugs the curves. 3. A dress so drenched in perfume, it can raise Superman's temperature. Etymology: "Man" Middle English, from Old English man, mon human being, male human; akin to Old High German man human being, Sanskrit manu. "Bait" Middle English, from Old Norse beit pasturage & beita food; akin to Old English bItan to bite]

She puts on her orange man-bait dress, and checks her look in the mirror. "My hair looks attractive, my make-up is right for a change, and my lips look inviting! All I need now is the man... or rather the men!" (Slut) If there are minors reading this, please avert your eyes from the man-bait dress for it may be too much for you to handle.

Lois obviously knows how to turn on the pheromones in that man-bait dress of hers because every man on the street is head-swiveling, whistling, and coming on to her. Lois has a superpower! With the simple donning of a dress, she becomes irresistible to the opposite sex! (How long do you think Lois walked around in that dress to make sure it was as man-baity as the saleslady had promised?) Surely she'll have no problems getting the green guy's arrows to quiver.

Green Arrow is putting on an archery exhibition at Metropolis stadium. (I swear, that's all that's on TV nowadays -- archery, archery, archery! ESPN, find another sport!) He asks the crowd of thousands for a volunteer to help him and low and behold, Miss Thang is right there giving a shout-out. Naturally, he chooses her. (After all, he is male, and she is "The Irresistible Lois Lane!")

Ollie (GA and I are on a first name basis) asks her to toss four aces into the air. (The perfect trick in a gigantic stadium before the days of the Jumbotron. I'm certain everyone in the upper deck can see those playing cards. Yup, a sure crowd-pleaser.) For some unknown reason, Lois sings her assent.

She tosses the cards up, Ollie twwanngs his bow and with 4 perfect 'PWWTs', his arrow spears all four aces right through the center. But oh! Lois's necklace has broken from the excitement of this trick! (I'm not sure how her necklace exploded because the arrow was nowhere near it. For now, let's just assume it was booby-trapped.) Her perfectly matched pearls will be lost! No problem, GA has a Vacuum Arrow!

GA's VA hovers over Lois using a helicopter rotor device and vacuums up her pearls. You heard me. I'm sure it's one of his favorite arrows -- after all, that's a lot of mechanics and balancing and stuff to get a helicopter rotor and a powerful vacuum on an arrow, so with all that work, it has to be extremely useful to Ollie. Constantly. Bet he uses it to clean up the Arrow Car, and do the carpets at home, and it's probably vacuumed up any number of crime scenes. Crooks would run screaming if they saw that helicopter vacuum arrow a'coming at'em. Wouldn’t you?

Well, Lois sure is impressed! "You wonderful man! I could hug the daylights out of you!" she says. But hugging isn't good enough for The Irresistible Lois Lane. Oh no! She godda kiss da boy!

But what's this? Someone in the crowd appears shocked at the liplock on the field. "Good Grief! She's kissing him!" (I'm guessing it's Charlie Brown.) Lana Lang is covering the event and is appalled at this sudden amorous turn of events. Lana's cameraman says, "Holy cats! Now he's kissing her! He must like it!" (Ya think? Why would a guy want to kiss a beautiful woman wearing a man-bait dress with sudden superpowers that make her irresistible? It makes less sense than Krypto's skywriting!) Lana is incensed. "Something's crazy here! Heroes like Green Arrow don't act like that in public! (Shocking! Shocking I tell you! This news is worth more than the front page! I'm thinking "Extree, extree, read all about it!" special editions and stuff!)

"A minute later..." (oookay, they just kissed in front of an entire stadium full of people for a full minute. 60 seconds. During the code years of Hollywood, screen kisses were only allowed to last for 3 seconds, tops. Any longer and the censor came down with his giant scissors. Yet this was 60 full seconds of kissing. Scandalous!!! Lois really is a slut! I also suspect Arrow will have to restring his bow after that display.)

"A minute later..." Green Arrow says, "Gosh, Miss Lane! That was terrific! May I kiss you again?" (Holy Face Sucking, Batman -- he wants more? Well, if that isn't the limit!) Lana says, "Well, if that isn't the limit!" (I hear ya, Lana!)

Lana asks if Lois's scheme is to make Superman jealous, but Lois isn't falling for it. "Oh, were you watching, Lana?" she says nonchalantly while re-applying her lipstick. Green Arrow discretely wipes off the lip imprints covering his face (he'll probably run home and create a lipstick-removing arrow in case this situation arises again in the future). After calling the display "disgusting", Lana is distracted by the speakers on her news van. Apparently an excursion boat in Metropolis harbor has caught fire! Lois doesn't appear to care until the announcer mentions that Aquaman is there.

Oh ho! The plot thickens! There's another hero in town and he has yet to be kissed by Lois! Does man-bait work on a guy more used to bait-bait? Should she wiggle like a worm or will Aquaguy let her swim right into his heart? The only way to find out (other than reading it yourself, and really, who would actually read a comic? It could ruin the condition!) is to come back on Monday for Part 3 of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 1): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-16T00:48:00.001-08:00

Despite the fact that I sold off the bulk of my books, there's one Silver Age book I just couldn't part with. On the surface, it might seem a puzzling choice: Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29. Not Action 29, which is the first cover appearance of Lois Lane. Way out of my league. Nope, just her regular silver age series, LL29. Why that book? Well, for starters, I looked for it a long time. It was always priced higher than I was willing to pay (my budget was $5 or less -- I'm a big spender), yet I wanted a copy desperately. Finally, while browsing books at the San Diego Comic Con, there it was – and for only $2.00!

I couldn't wait to read this baby, but had to hold off because there were more books to buy, more discussions of the appeal of Go-Go checks to have, and more really bad convention food to choke down. I carted my books back to the room I was sharing with 3 other women, and then went out for dinner and con-related hijinks. After a night of partying, my roommates wanted to go to the bar. I don’t drink, and was tired, so I bowed out. But instead of falling asleep, I knew I had to read that LL29. It was calling to me. The ladies returned as I was about to start, so I decided to read it out loud. We were nearly ejected from our room due to too much laughter, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Get comfy cuz I promise this is a good one. Zany, goofy, bizarre silver age fun at its finest. THIS is why I adore comics! You can keep the realistic storylines. I like'em silly.

The cover story is placed third in the book, and I didn't even glance at the other two stories on my first reading. I knew where the heart of 29 was. I wanted to read "The Irresistible Lois Lane!"

Oh man, right there on the splash panel Lois is kissing Batman in front of a gulping Lana Lang. Lana's thought bubble shows Lois kissing Green Arrow and Aquaman (Lana is very visual. She thinks in pictures). And if you look closely, there's even a guy filming all this kissing -- though his shot might be blocked by Lana's thoughts (I'll fill in his thought bubble for you: "Dangit, Lana, all I can see is the back of your thoughts! You naughty wench.").

How did all this kissing happen? And where is Superman? Lois never dreams about kissing other superheroes, just the Big S. Oooh, this is so intriguing, I simply must read on.

It begins at the Daily Planet, with Lois getting a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. For some reason, she is quite upset by this. She says things like "er", stutters, and speaks in ellipses. Always a sign that something is not quite right. Yet they look like ordinary flowers (Although I think someone buried an upside-down elf in those flowers. All you can see are his little pointy shoes). Er... hmmm... w-what's wrong, I'm wondering.

Suddenly, an office worker calls out to Lois. A crowd is gathering at the window and the woman explains that "Krypto, Superman's dog, is writing something in the sky with a smoke flare!" Obviously, this has great meaning for Lois because she's instantly on the case.

Time out for a minute, as we contemplate this. First, a little lesson in skywriting. Skywriting is done between 8,800 and 10,000 feet. Making sure that all the letters are at the same altitude, the pilot pumps the "smoke" (clear, liquid paraffin wax) into his plane's exhaust system. Smoke pours out the exhaust pipes in the front and rear of the plane. The letters are usually a quarter-mile tall, and the lines of smoke are 75 feet wide.

Let's pretend our skywriting pilot is drawing an "L". First, he has to draw his letters backward, so that people on the ground can read them. He would begin by drawing the upright of the L, counting aloud to around 16. That's how he knows when to turn off the smoke. The line he's made expands while he banks, turns, and circles around to lay down the lower leg of the L.

So how does Krypto manage this with a burning torch? There's no on/off switch on a torch, so Krypto would have to hover around 10,000 feet above Metropolis, light his torch (this is a talented dog!) then fly his 75 feet to make the upright of the 'L'. Since Krypto is a dog and not an airplane, we'll assume he can turn on a dime and get a perfectly perpendicular lower leg of the L without having to extinguish his torch. (Either Krypto has gotten huge, or that 'L' isn't a quarter mile tall and 75' wide.)

But wait -- now he's done! He can't just keep flying with a lit torch! Quickly, he has to blow it out -- which is tougher than it sounds since he's holding it in his mouth. Maybe he wags his tail real fast and that works.

Fantastic! Krypto has done his job. And everyone on the ground says, "Look! It's a boomerang!" "No, no, it's a right angle." "I think it's a V." Right? Nope, they all know instantly that it's a single, giant 'L' in the sky.

"Can you understand it, Lois? Why did Krypto write just one letter 'L' -- then fly away?" Cagey Lois notes that it's strange, but doesn't elaborate on any L-theories. (Personally, I'm too busy wondering how they knew it was Krypto up there at 10,000 feet to worry about the big L, so I also remain silent and keep reading.)

Perry White calls Lois over and notes that Superman has been away, Clark Kent is on vacation (what are the odds?), and it's been really slow news because of it. He wants something good from Lois.

Our intrepid girl reporter immediately comes up with a socko plan. "Well, I've been flirting with an idea for a feature! 'Heroes I've Kissed' -- By Lois Lane! You know... the different heroes I've kissed, not counting Superman." (Uh huh. That'll end that news slump. The world loves a good kissing story on page 1. And despite the hardship of having to go out and kiss a bunch of heroes, Lois is bucking up with a smile. You slut, Lois!)

So how does one go about getting a scoop of this magnitude? And what on earth was that Krypto skywriting thing? And is she just going to ignore that worrisome secret admirer? And for crying out loud -- WHAT IS SHE GOING TO WEAR??

These and many more questions will have to be answered in Part 2 of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 5 - Finale): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-14T02:16:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman turned a lump of coal into a diamond and this gave Herb his next scoop and saved Joe's coal mine. Now on to Part 5 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Back at the Daily Planet, Lois comes racing in with a scoop she's certain will top all of Herb's. Police just captured the South River Bank Bandits! (Instantly, we know this scoop is meaningless. Not only didn't Superman have anything to do with it, but not once have these bandits been mentioned in the story. Without a build-up, they're meaningless. Poor Lois. Does she not read the comic? Shouldn't she realize that red herring bandits have no relative worth when a lump of coal has just disappeared? C'mon, Lois! An entire lump of coal! And in its place is a diamond that can be seen from great distances! Your bandits are nothing compared to that!)

Perry tells Lois her story is "tame" compared to the "lightning-diamond" scoop. It "tops it by a mile." Immediately, the other nameless reporters begin jeering, teasing Lois about becoming "Miss Lois Lovelorn".

Finally, we get a glimmer of savvy out of Lois as she voices her suspicions about Herbert's string of scoops. In her words, he's "too terrific." Perry tells her that every story has been affirmed but Lois is undaunted. She heads to the office of a "noted scientist" and asks him "What are the chances of a landslide, a meteor and lightning happening near the same person in three successive days?" The scientist replies, "The law of averages claims that it's almost impossible for all those phenomena to happen to one individual." Oh ho! Now she's got some ammo. As she walks down a Metropolis street wearing a large red hat (Ah, the days when everyone wore hats. It's all so 1940s), Lois concludes that there is something or someone behind Herb's scoops. "Hmmm... I've an idea now who's making those scoop-stories and I'm going to follow it up!" You go, Lois! Catch that scooper right now! (Gee, I wonder who she suspects? If only there were someone she knew who was capable of causing those things. One would almost have to be some sort of enhanced being to do them. Hmmm...)

Fast forward to Herbert's seventh and final day of his scooperama. Herb walks down by the ocean and says, "Maybe I can find a last scoop-story down along the coast!" Flying discretely behind Herb, Superman notices that a cape (not his red, flashy cape, the kind you find along the coast) is dangerous because ships have to go around it. While Herb's back is turned, Superman dredges out a canal through the cape, even as he tries to think up some way to get Herbert the Ace Reporter to notice a miraculously new passage through the land mass he was just staring at moments before. To Herb's credit, he finally sees the scoop for what it is. With his hat hovering above his head, he says, "The sea must have cut a canal across the cape – it's be safer for boats now! That's my final scoop!" Weird how the sea just happened to do that in the space of a few minutes, isn't it? Like any good reporter, Herbert doesn't question the story, he simply phones it in.

Superman is relieved that his scoop-parade is finally at an end. But wait! What's this? Lois Lane sneaks up behind Superman – caught in the act! Lois gloats as she tells Superman she's going to expose the Man of Steel's intervention. This is the "scoop of the year!" Eat that, Superman! "The scoop-story of how Superman arranged all those stories for [Herbert]!" Superman begs her not to print it, as it will ruin Herbert's career, but Lois takes off in her roadster leaving a chagrinned Superman behind. All that hard work for naught, eh Mr. Man? (Personally, I don't think Herbert deserves anything except a ticket home and a buh-bye, but then, I'm heartless that way. The lad simply hasn't got an iota of reporter's instincts in his body. He should take up some other profession and immediately, so as not to hurt the rep of a true reporter like Lois Lane!)

Superman heads back to the Planet as Clark Kent, resigned to what's about to happen. Back at the office, Perry White happily hires Herbert. The Journalism major is humble (you can tell cuz he's holding his hat in his hands in a most humble fashion) and says, "Gee, thanks, Mr. White! I know I only got those scoops by luck, for I'm just a beginner." We see a shot of Lois reacting to his humility as he continues, saying, "But I'll work hard – I want to be a real reporter like Clark Kent and Lois Lane!"

Suddenly, Lois realizes that Herbert had no idea that Superman was behind his string of scoops. It's not Herb's fault at all. If she submits her story, Herb won't get the job and Superman will look foolish. But if she doesn't, she'll have to edit the Lonely Hearts column. Oh, what to do? What to do?

Perry asks Lois for her scoop and she nobly takes the altruistic choice. "...I'm afraid I can't top Herbert's story!" The other reporters gloat, rubbing it in that Lois will be Miss Lonely Hearts. One of them even puts a little crown on Lois's head, just in case she wasn't humiliated enough. Silently, Clark recognizes what she has done. She's "a peach" and he wishes he had a way to tell her what he thinks of her self-sacrifice.

Days later, Clark stands before Lois's desk, now piled with letters. He notes that she doesn't look "so blue about it all now." With a dreamy smile, Lois hands him a a piece of paper. "Read this letter and you'll see why!"

On the note is written, "Dear Miss Lonely Hearts, Can you tell me of any girl half so wonderful as Lois Lane?" It's signed, "Superman".

Awwww. A very sweet ending to a rather crazy story. I hope you had fun learning about Superman's Scoop-Parade because I had a lot of fun telling you about it. Come back next time for a brand new story from days gone by. Which story? I haven't a clue. You'll have to wait to find out.

Don't forget to let me know what you thought of this story!

Action Comics #138 (Part 4): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Herb's newest scoop was a falling meteorite (once again engineered by Superman) and Lois makes a bet with Perry that she can outscoop Herb or she'll become the Lonely Hearts Editor. Up to speed? Good. Time for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herb's next surefire scoop location is Joe's Coal Mine. Yeah, should be great things happening there. Much more promising than the swamp. Herb asks Joe if there are any scoops lying around. Joe tells him he's losing his coal mine tomorrow because he can't pay his bank notes. Even Herb seems to realize that's not Daily Planet Super-Scoop material. But stalker Superman overhears and decides he can help Joe and give Herb his scoop.

Superman herds some thunderclouds together, lands on a huge mountain of coal, and, under cover of lightning, squeezes a lump of coal into a diamond. (Ah, the coal into diamond trick. Always a pleasure to see that one. Clark wouldn't have to work a day in his life. He could fuel his altruistic saving of the world by selling off his home-made diamonds. But no, he never does that sort of thing. His diamond crushing is never for personal gain.)

Herb instantly calls in his story. "Mr. White, here's another scoop! Lightning just hit Joe Noakes' coal pile and destroyed a lump of coal!"

Let's take another step back, shall we? Lightning destroyed "a" lump of coal? From this entire mountain of coal in the distance Herb was able to discern that a single lump of coal was destroyed by the lightning? Did he count the lumps and deem one missing? This kid has superpowers! However, his journalistic instincts continue to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Did he learn nothing in college? Did he have a class where the professor said, "War, famine, murder, disasters – yes, they all make okay articles, but if you really want to succeed, you need to find a good lump of coal destruction story! Find one of those and every editor on the planet will be eating out of your hand. And if that lump of coal is destroyed by lightning, as opposed to someone accidentally stepping on it, the world's your oyster!" Why does Superman continue to waste his time on this idjit? Sigh. Okay, rant over.

Needing to yet again point out the real story, Superman tilts a building with a metal roof so that the sun glances off the roof and illuminates the coal (wait, I thought he'd brought a huge storm in. Why is there sunlight glinting... never mind. Just tell the story, Joanna).

Herbert somehow decides that the only thing that could glint on a coal mountain is a diamond. Of course, if he noticed a single lump of coal being destroyed, I suppose it's not all that farfetched to believe that little shine is a diamond. Heck, it's downright logical, considering. Joe's mine is saved! Herbert has his scoop! I need to keep my eyes open for glints! It could be a diamond!

We've had dinosaurs, meteorites, and diamonds – what could be next? And how is Lois doing in her search for scoops (without Superman to help her)? Tune in Monday for Part 5 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

small delay

2008-01-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

I have a massive case of the flu so I won't be posting today. I'm hoping I'll be better on Friday.

Action Comics #138 (Part 3): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman helped Herbert find his first scoop by powerwashing a hillside into revealing the skeletons of two complete and fully-articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons, which he then proceeded to "walk" down the street through waterjet propulsion. Time to find out how he's going to top that bad boy by reading Part 3 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

After Lois proclaims Herb's dinosaur scoop as "beginner's luck", Herbert heads back to Northville to look for more scoops. He walks along a swamp road bemoaning the lack of scoops (cuz swamp roads are usually full of breaking news events). Superman, unseen just in front of Herb (he is SO observant) realizes that Herb's next biggie is up to him.

The swamp being bereft of obvious scoops (why on Earth is Herbert walking in a deserted swamp, anyway? His reporter instincts are non-existent! Superman really needs to dump this dweeb as fast as he can), Superman shoots into outer space to snag a meteor. It's a rather large meteor, too. Perhaps I watch too much Discovery Channel, but I fear this particular large space rock could cause the planet a world of hurt.

Superman guides it to the Earth and lets go once he knows it's on target. It lands a couple of feet from Herbert, blowing him to smithereens. Wait a minute... nope, Herb is fine, the Earth is fine, the meteor just caused a wee bit of steam in the swamp. (Come back, Suspension of Disbelief! I need you! I need you now more than I ever have!)

Herbert quickly calls Perry White with the scoop. "Two inches of water just washed across the swamp road!" Surely Perry will see the value in Herb's wet shoes! But alas, newspaperman Perry insists on a scoop with more oomph. Meanwhile, Superman realizes that Herb has once again missed the story. And because the steam is hiding the meteor, he's not about to figure it out any time soon.

To keep the job prospects of the worst Journalism major ever to graduate from Northville College alive, Superman blows away the steam. This reveals the meteorite and Herbert adds that tidbit to his story. Perry is once again a happy man.

Back in the offices of the Planet, Perry crows to Lois about the great scoops, saying, "...Herbert is doing better than you could, Lois!" Them's fightin' words! Lois quickly replies, "Listen, I can turn in a bigger scoop than that beginning this week or – or I'll be Lonely Hearts Editor for a month! (Not sure that sentence reads correctly. I think it was meant to say "beginner" rather than "beginning" because it's not like she's turning in scoops "beginning this week" as in "I think I'll start now". She's a pro! She's the intrepid reporter! The Ace of the Daily Planet! This is Lois Lane, for gee gosh whillakers!) The bet is on!

Not exactly the way Superman was planning things, is it? His whole purpose in shoring up the least likely journalist ever was to keep Lois from going after huge scoops. Where is that super brain of Clark's? A 5 year old could see this one coming. Of course Lois is going to take Herb's efforts as a challenge. Of course there's trouble ahead. Of course Superman will continue his insane scoop challenges because he's always right and once he starts something he never quits. I think he was smarter in the Silver Age. Or maybe I'm wrong and a 5 year old really would think the story's twists and turns are logical. Remind me to find a 5 year old so I can ask.

One of those yellow text boxes lets the readers know that thar be trouble a'brewin' for Lois. "Careful, Lois! When you made that rash promise (about the Lonely Hearts Editing) you didn't realize that Superman is helping Herbert Binkle!" Actually, I think Lois should be able to figure it out from the walking skeletons alone, but that's just me. For the purposes of this story, it's all quite mysterious.

So mysterious, in fact, that I'm going to leave you hanging! Don't forget to come back for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 2): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-04T00:42:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Lois Lane is forever getting herself into tight spots in her relentless pursuit of scoops. Superman, tired of saving her, decides to back young Journalism grad, Herbert Binkle, thinking that if a newbie like Herb can outscoop Lois, she'll quit trying so hard. Yeah, I don't really follow the logic of that, either, but who cares? It's time for Part 2 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herbert heads home to Northville (the location of his scoop-finding mission) and wanders around town not seeing anything worthwhile. Lucky for him, Superman is on the scene. Supes uses his x-ray vision and finds some dinosaur bones.

A moment while you look at the panel of the bones. Please note that it's not one, but two Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons. Then notice that both have all bones intact. Then discern that both are fully articulated. And finally, see that they appear to be in an attack posture, as if they died in the middle of a fight, never fell to the ground, somehow remained unscathed through millennia and happen to be in a small hill in Northville, wherever that is (I'm guessing it's not the badlands – the place where the bulk of Tyrannosaurus bones have been uncovered. None of which, I might add, came in fighting pairs, standing, and fully articulated).

Nothing odd about that, right? But oh, how does Superman plan to let Herbert know they're there? Get out a trowel and some brushes and carefully unearth the skeletons retaining all the surrounding earthen strata, marking each individual bone and citing its position, taking the next couple of years to do so, making sure the site is properly recorded for science?

Close. He takes an old pipeline, makes a funnel of one end, puts the funnel under a waterfall and then blasts the bones out of the hill via the force of the water. Miraculously, the bones emerge and they remain articulated even without the cohesion of the earth around them! It's a miracle! No muscles, sinew or connectors of any kind and yet the bones somehow remain in the exact position they held in life. Two giant Tyrannosaurus skeletons sticking out of a hill in a way seemingly impossible and Herbert is immediately struck by the scoopiness of the situation.

He phone Perry White and tells him that the "great scoop" he has is that Jenkins Hill just slid a little and now there's a new coasting hill in Northville. (I wonder if he's thought through how the coasters are going to get around those ginormous dinosaur skeletons bursting out of the hill? Perhaps Herbert missed the real scoop here and he should've told Perry that the slide ruined the local coasting hill by unearthing some pesky Tyrannosaurus Rex bones that are now in the way of a straight shot down).

At this point, Clark should realize that he's backing the wrong horse. Obviously, Herbert is completely lacking in journalistic savvy, observational skills, and wouldn't know a scoop if it bit like a fully articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex. Fly away, Superman, and leave Herbie to the local free shopping rag.

But no, Superman has made up his mind and is never, ever wrong. He grabs his water pipe (not the bong kind, the "I made a funnel out of this old oil pipe and will now make it shoot water" kind) and blasts the back of one of the skeletons. For reasons unknown to me, instead of causing the skeleton to explode in a shower of bones (due to there being absolutely nothing holding them together), the bones START WALKING DOWN MAINSTREET! (Pardon my shouting, but my suspension of disbelief was just shattered by a giant water jet and I didn't know if you could hear me over the laughter of every archaeologist and paleoanthropologist on Earth.)

Still on the phone, Herbert says, "And the slide uncovered dinosaur skeletons, Mr. White – huge ones!" (Huge bones that are walking down mainstreet with a bunch of water shooting off its fleshless back and Superman holding a giant waterpipe, but that's not news.) Perry decides to send a photographer and make it the feature story. Hope no one else needs any help that day because Superman is going to be too busy walking his bone puppets around town so the photographer can good pictures. After all, finding not one but two complete Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons isn't much to write about. It needs more pizzaz.

And now we pretty much know how this story is going to go for the next few pages. Herbert won't find a scoop. Superman will create one. Herb won't recognize it. Supes will emphasize it. Perry will love it. Hopefully, you've now had enough scoop-drinks that it will all seem unpredictable as I retell it. But before you get too cocky, the stakes are about to be raised, which should make this even more fun. Stay will me for Part 3 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 1): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

I'm baaa-aaack! And it's time for another Golden Age book! This one is Action Comics #138, published in November of 1949. Granted, some would argue that it's Atom Age but I'm using a very simple system of identification: each decade is a different age. That makes this Golden Age. After all, it's nearly 60 years old. Those are golden years in most people's minds.

My copy is coverless (Now with extra rat chews for that low grade luster!) but the wonderful Nearmint (that's his screen name on the CGC forums – and speaking of which, I now have a monthly column in the newsletter so take a trip over to CGC and read The Spinner Rack. My column starts in December of 2007) was kind enough to provide me with a cover scan. Three cheers for Nearmint! I've never been a high grade collector. As you can probably tell from this blog, to me it's all about the stories!

Enough of my rambling. Time to get to the good stuff. Let's dive into the Part 1 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

The splash page shows Superman standing on hill (or mountain or volcano or pile-o-something – it's not very clear) getting hit by lightening. Lois Lane and someone who looks vaguely like Jimmy Olsen yet isn't watch the spectacle.

The intro panel says, "Lois Lane has frequently scooped her rival reporters on stories for The Daily Planet! But could she win in a scoop-contest if Superman were helping the other reporter? Does it seem impossible? Don't be too sure, for surprises can happen, and there's a surprising climax to the – SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE"

Now this looks like fun! Superman is helping some other person instead of Lois? But she's one of The Planet's ace reporters! She's Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane! She's got a pad of paper and a pen (unlike that other guy who's got a camera. That's Jimmy of him)! Superman, come to your senses! No one deserves scoops more than Lois!

[On a completely tangential side note, the dog my family had when I was a teen loved to chase squirrels. If we said the word "squirrel" she would go nuts, thinking there was something worth chasing outside. One day, while watching the news, they mentioned an upcoming scoop about something that wasn't all that interesting. With false enthusiasm, I said to my mother, "Oh boy, a scoop!" The dog went nuts. Apparently, it was the "sc" sound that meant squirrel to her, not the entire word. From then on, we had her chasing scoops despite her lack of a press pass.]

Turning the page we find the intrepid Lois investigating a construction site. She'd gotten a tip and went to the half-built skyscraper at daybreak, to avoid running into the crew. She approaches a girder and hits it with a magic hammer. (Unlike any hammer I've ever owned, hers floats in midair. Sure, you could argue that she hit the girder and the hammer bounced out of her hand, the panel catching this action in mid-bounce, but I prefer to think of it as a magic hammer. Like Thor's hammer or that one in the song where having a hammer brings justice, freedom, and love and peace between brother and sister all over the world! That's a really magic hammer. And a pretty stupid song when you think about it. Fun to sing, though.)

The girder she hammered is really wrecked. Lois is obviously on to something with this story. Suddenly, she realizes that the cracked girder is causing a chain reaction among the other substandard (really, really, really substandard) girders. The entire skyscraper is about to collapse right on top of Lois!

"Then, strangely, something seems to hold up the collapsing building a moment! Let's look outside!" Oh yes, let's. Nothing outside of my apartment. All is quiet. But wait – outside the collapsing building is none other than Superman! As he holds up the really, really, really substandard girders, Superman smugly reflects on the fact that he knew Lois was off on a dangerous story and would need his help. Good thing he was stalking her, er, following her secretly. Not creepy at all since he saved her life. However, had she been heading somewhere a little more private or intimate... well, let's just say it was Supes' lucky day. Bet he wishes he had a magic hammer.

Lois escapes the no-longer-falling girders and races off to the office to write up her scoop (down, girl! I said scoop, not squirrel!). Superman decides he should also get back to the office or they'll be missing ole Clark Kent. How does Superman keep that job, anyway? He's forever racing into that supply closet and taking off to stop floods, deflect asteroids, save kittens, and other heroic deeds. He must be a heckuva writer.

Perry White is a happy guy when he gets Lois's story. "A swell scoop, Lois! Your fourth this month!" (okay, a new drinking game: everyone has to take a shot whenever the word "scoop" is mentioned. Only play if you're not going anywhere and don't mind alcohol poisoning.)

Clark, however, is concerned by Lois's "scoop mania" because he has to be around every time she goes after a scoop, to keep her safe. Enter one Herbert Binkle, a dweeby lil fellow who appears to be a cross between Jerry Lewis and Jimmy Olsen. Herb wants to work at the Planet. He's got a journalism degree from Northville College and everything! "I was also a reporter on our school newspaper, so I've had real experience!" (and he hasn't even said the word 'scoop' yet). Perry gives him the brushoff in a nice way, but Clark sees Herb as his way out of his dilemma with Lois.

Clark pulls Herb aside and tells him to promise Perry White a scoop a day for a whole week. Herb is unsure but after a pep talk from Clark, he'll give it a try. Perry agrees to the idea, but thinks it's impossible. Lois says, "He doesn't know how hard scoops are to find!" Clark then has a long internal thought wherein he self-refers as Superman and then says both "scoop" and "scoop-madness" (feeling tipsy yet?).

I foresee lots of trouble for Lois and an unfair advantage for Herbert. I also foresee Clark Kent getting fired because he won't be around the office, won't file any stories (scoops or otherwise) and what am I saying? Clark is a star reporter! He'll be safe. But will Lois? Keep that drinking arm in shape because there are more scoops and more Golden Age fun in Part 2 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE! Be here or be sober!

Holiday Hiatus

2007-12-17T22:25:00.000-08:00

Now that the lead story in Lois Lane 106 is complete (see below), Comic Books Revisited will be on hiatus during the holidays. But fear not, dear reader, it will be back with a brand new adventure in the new year. So until then, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Kwality Kwanzaa, and Happy New Year!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 7, Finale): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Lois donated her handy-dandy color-blind O- blood to a wounded Dave. She sat tensely waiting, praying he would open his eyes. Will he? It's time to find out in the thrilling conclusion to I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Miraculously, Dave opens his eyes. Who knew that a pint of blood was a cure for a gunshot wound to the chest? It's not like anyone operated on him. (Dave looks like he's never seen her before in his life. Either that or he sucked on a lemon.)

Now that Dave is okay, it's time for Lois to confront Superman, so that we can tie all this into the splash page. She asks him if he'd marry her even if she remained black.

Superman is so upset that one of the parts of his S emblem is not inked. Now that's upset! He reminds her that he is an alien -- the universal outsider -- and that his skin is tougher than steel (funny, him mentioning his skin. Almost sounds like a set-up for a retort. Nah, Lois wouldn't take that bait). Lois says, "But... your skin is the right color!" (So is yours, Lois, or have you forgotten that you've only been black for a few hours?) (I kept waiting for him to say, "It's pure coincidence that Krypton was populated only by white people that wear headbands! Don't you see the irony, Lois? I could be wearing a headband right now -- Would you marry a man in a headband? Well, would you???")

So Supes goes into his 'my enemies, blah blah, deadly danger, blah, blah..." until Lois accuses him of being a broken record (This was back in the days when they had records instead of CDs, so that the saying makes sense, unlike nowadays!).

But before she becomes a broken record about being black, she suddenly begins to change. She's black. She's Hispanic. She's whitey, once again. Apparently, it didn't last the usual 24 hours this time. (She says she feels like she's shedding her skin. So the color was like a lizard's scales or something? That's just weird.)

The nurse comes in to tell her ol' Dave has been asking for her, but gosh golly, the nurse sure gets a shock. Some white girl stole that sister's clothes! Nah, she somehow immediately grasps that Lois, whom she had only known as black, had suddenly turned into a white woman. I guess we have to chalk this one up to living in a world where people can fly and burn things with their eyes. It's tough to surprise the ordinary Joe and Jane for long.

Lois is torn. Does she really want to see him now? Now that she's white? "He called me whitey! His enemy! What will he say now?" Superman says, "You must see him, Lois, or you'll never find out! If he still hates you... with your blood in his veins... there may never be peace in this world!" (No pressure or anything. The fate of the world rests on this moment, but don't be nervous.)

The last page has no captions or dialogue. Here it is:

There is hope after all! Peace can prevail! Dave was also able to figure out that Lois is the black woman who gave him blood and now she's a white woman and hey, isn't that the same woman who passed by on the street, but what does it matter since we're all brothers and sisters under our skin. Or something like that.

And that, my friends, is the inimitable, incredible, completely relevant, now, today truth!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 6): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-14T02:08:00.001-08:00

When last we read: Dave had just been shot in his purple shirt by two racially harmonious bad guys. Lois is still black and now her cool new friend may be dying and the thugs are still armed and dangerous. Let's get back to the good stuff in part 6 of I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Out of the sky come two beams of red-hot heat vision, melting the guns "to taffy" (Taffy? How gangsterlike). In the background, we see Lois carrying Dave's injured body. Lois, you Amazon! You've been working out! Not even a fireman's carry, she's holding him like Rhett held Scarlett when he raced up the stairs for some hot southern comfort. (I can only imagine what Lois is saying. "You want to see man's work? I could bench press you, ya pansy!")

Superman makes short work of the 'hoods', and then flies Lois and Dave to a nearby hospital. Lois is very worried about her new friend. The doctor tells the nurse to get Dave's blood type fast because he's fading. (So... anything think blood type is going to be a key to this story?) Things are very tense. Lois is very worried (and I think her babushka is tilting).

"Tense minutes tick by like spurting heartbeats..." (ewww) He's O negative! But oh no! The hospital doesn't "have enough funds for all [blood] types".

Now just hang on a golldurned second here. O- is the universal donor. If you don't have O-, you might as well not have anything. So if you're buying blood, you make sure you get that one first. Not A+, not B-, not even O+ -- you need O-. So why in the Wide, Wide World of Sports would this hospital decide not to order O-? It isn't like they're out of it. He distinctly says they can't afford all the blood types; i.e. they choose to buy some and skip others. So hey, I've got an idea, let's not buy ANY of the universal donor!

Sure, I realize that it's a set-up for the next panel (raise your hands if you've figured out that Lois is O- and rolling up her sleeve?) but COME ON PEOPLE!!! This is lazy writing! Find some logical way to make the donation necessary, not this golldurned, idiotic, "we need to prove we're poor again so we'll let common sense fly out the window" and "we need an excuse for Lois to donate" shinola!!!!! For crying out loud, it isn't like Lois's blood type is part of canon (or that DC cared about canon in those days). Make her a different blood type! Make her A- or B+ or even the rarest, AB-. I can see why a hospital wouldn't stock AB- because of its rarity and that would prove the "we're poor" point, but the universal donor? Give me a break.

Okay, I've calmed down now. And by pure coincidence, a week ago I was lying on a Red Cross table filling up a bag with my own O- blood. Yes, I'm the universal donor, and the Red Cross adores me. Every 54 days, I drop some reddies on the Crossers. If you ever need blood, I'm your gal.

Back to the story. Superman wishes he could volunteer to give blood, but needles break on his arm. (Lois looks bored. Most likely she recognizes the stupidity of a hospital that doesn't stock O-.)

Suddenly, out of the blue in a completely unexpected story twist, Lois announces, "I- I'm O Negative! Just like him!" Shocking! Pardon me while I retrieve my jaw. (Okay, I'm still upset about the lazy writing. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate contrived events in storytelling).

And then we get some dramatic blood donation panels. (Blood donation as a thrilling climax! You don't see that every day.) It almost looks like Lois is being told by ground control how to land a pilot-less plane. "Open and close your fist slowly... slowly... till I tell you to stop!" (Doctor, her fist! It's opening and closing too fast! We're all going to die!) As the tense blood donation continues, Lois worries about Dave's survival.

I'm going to leave Lois donating all weekend just to tease the heck out of all of you. Bwa ha ha ha! You have NO idea if Dave will live or die. There's no way to possibly know – what's that? It's a 70s comic about bigotry and not one of the Lois is in love so we better kill him off comics? Oh. Well just pretend you don't have a clue so you'll come back Monday for the thrilling conclusion of I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 5): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-12T21:43:00.000-08:00

When last we read: White Lois goes to Little Africa and is shunned, so she becomes Black Lois. BL meets SL (slum lady) and learns about tenements and poverty. Lois, still black, continues her exploration of Little Africa. Let's now return to I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

There appears to be a problem with schooling, as kindergarten is held in an empty lot with the kids sitting on crates, listening to a man tell them that black is beautiful. He says it several times. He makes them repeat it. He looks a tad... demonic as he says it. The kids don't appear to be afraid of him, but that wild look in his eyes chills me a bit (Black may be beautiful, but demonic possession never is). Am I discovering a heretofore unknown prejudice or am I remembering being in school with wacko Miss Herzog and her Hitleresque learning techniques? (a shiver goes down Joanna's spine). Definitely the Herzog effect.

(Social commentary: I've often heard the argument that if white people shouted the slogan "White is Beautiful" it would be deemed racist and bigoted, yet the whole "Black is Beautiful" thing was cheered in the late 60's/early 70's. This is a specious argument because society always allows the downtrodden to say what the ruling elite cannot when it comes to a struggle for equality. That's why there can be a women's lib, yet a 'man's lib' is laughable -- liberated from what: higher pay, higher social position, being the ruling class? "Black is beautiful" worked only because history had deemed them "unbeautiful" for centuries. To climb the ladder to equality, the non-ruling class has to fuel itself and the ruling class is not allowed to steal that fuel. The two panels that have the "Black is beautiful" kindergarten class is, therefore, a wonderful representation of the system at work. Tell small children who fear their futures that they are beautiful. That they can have pride and hope. That they can achieve. Tell them often enough and they will grow up believing it. That belief, more than anything else, will fuel the social change. Despite the crazy look in the teacher's eyes, I really like these two panels for what they represent in the mirror of 30+ years ago. I think they are far more powerful than the falling plaster, or the whitey is bad stuff.)

A hand touches Lois on the shoulder and she turns to see Angry Black Man from the day before. Only now he's Handsome Black Man (or because he actually has a name: Dave Stevens). He feels that he recognizes Lois and tries to pin down from where he knows her. Lois is speechless (we must assume she remembers him and his purple shirt and therefore knows that he saw her earlier as a white woman). He looks nice. I no longer hate him.

Before they can explore this further, Dave sees some teenagers heading for an alley. Not only are they skipping school, Dave knows they're up to no good. He immediately turns into a crusading hero, ready to take on the baddies who threaten the youth. He also turns into a male chauvinist pig (I'm using me some 70's lingo, baby!) by telling Lois to stay out of it because "...this is a man's business!" (He could have said, "Stay here, there might be trouble" or warned of danger or something like that, but instead he had to get all Archie Bunker on her and proclaim it a man thing). Let's see, he's racist and sexist. Oh yeah, real swoon material. He doesn't look nice anymore. I'm starting to hate him again.

Lois -- who has never run from danger in her life -- follows him. She's a reporter. Danger is her life (and no man is going to tell that feminist where she can and cannot go!).

As they run toward the end of the alley we see the teenagers talking to two guys (Isn't that nice? Black and white, working together in harmony) dressed as mobsters/crooks. (Hello, teenagers? I'd like you to meet Bad Influences. Bad Influences? Teenagers.) The teens have been stealing so that they can buy drugs. Dave is very upset about this, as he should be. Unfortunately, the crooks are also upset at Dave, thinking he's probably "the fuzz". They shoot. Lois escapes injury, but Dave is hit (ruining his favorite purple shirt)!

Oh no! Dave is going to die! Lois is black! The hoods are more racially harmonious than the good guys! What a world! What a world! Could I really leave you hanging like this? Sure can. Come back Friday for part 6 of I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 4): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-10T01:58:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Lois turned herself into a foxy black woman so she could experience the slums for herself and win a Pulitzer. Immediately, she begins to feel the chilling effect of prejudice. Benny the Beret won't pick her up in his cab. People in the subway stare at her (well, they would've if the artist had drawn it that way). It's very disconcerting for Lois but she soldiers on, determined to get her story. And now here's Part 4 of I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

What will Lois do now that she's a black woman in the 'hood? What she did the first time -- she wanders into a tenement to find someone to interview. But oh no! She sees smoke behind the stairs. Quickly, she beats the flames down on a pile of trash stashed under the stairs.

A woman comes out and, seeing the heroic black Lois beating down the flames, decides to chat. I'm pretty sure it's the same woman white-Lois tried to talk to when she got a door slam as an answer. Looks like the same dress. (Lois can change her entire race, but this woman can't even change her clothes. An indication of poverty or a shortcut to clueing us in that she's the same person? Okay, they're not that deep – it's the shortcut thing.)

She tells Lois that the place is a firetrap and people leave trash there because the "slumlord" doesn't want to pay for a janitor. (Apartments have janitors? My apt. doesn't have a janitor. I have to haul my own trash outside, down some stairs, across a patio, down more stairs, through a hall, and into the garage where the bin is. My slumlord sucks! She also refuses to heat the swimming pool! Dirty, rotten slumlord.)

Slum Lady invites Lois into her apartment and offers her a cup of coffee. She makes a joke about hoping Lois isn't a bill collector (the fact that she lives in a tenement and has a slumlord wasn't proof enough. We needed more clues that it just might be possible that she's low on funds).

Okay, so Slum Lady has obviously told us everything we need to hear. Trash in the hallway, slumlord, bill collectors, no money, we got it. Who's next?

No one. We're still at Slum Lady's (I'm tired of typing Slum Lady. From now on she's SL) apartment. A piece of plaster from the ceiling falls into Lois's coffee. ("I said cream, no sugar, no plaster."). SL tells Lois that around there you get used to falling plaster. And the place hasn't been painted in eons. "But I don't have to tell you that!" Yes, apparently she did. By Lois's shocked expression, she had no idea that some people were poor.

Surely that's enough, right? Nah ah! SL hears her baby calling. She grabs a broom and chases a rat away from the crib.

As she comforts the child, she says to Lois, "I haven't asked who you are, or what you're here for. Can I help you, sister?" Lois, tears brimming, thinks, "She lives in misery, yet she asks if she can help me!"

Let's sum it up again folks. SL has trash in the hallway, a slumlord, bill collectors, no money, falling plaster, old paint, and rats. The evidence is really mounting toward the conclusion that SL is poor. But she's nice to black women (she slams the door in the faces of white women, but gives a sister a cup of coffee and an offer of help). Has Lois finally learned what she needed to?

Yes and no. She leaves SL, but she still has plenty of experiences ahead of her. Being black isn't defined by being poor. Lois needs to keep exploring Little Africa.

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 3): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Lois had finally gotten her fill of being humiliated in the ghetto. Her whiteness was an unbreachable wall to getting the truth, the now, the today. She decides there's only way to get her scoop and enlists Superman's help in achieving this goal. What is it? Read on, my friends...

Superman flies Lois to the Fortress of Solitude (chastising himself for going along with her hair-brained scheme) so that Lois can use...

The Plastimold*!

(*The Plastimold was invented by Dahr-Nel, a Kryptonian doctor. I had the Dahr-Nel Plastimold issue when I was a kid, and I always thought it was cool because my favorite babysitter's name was Suzie Darnell. I figured maybe she was a relative, and therefore of Kryptonian birth. Okay, I didn't think that -- I wasn't an idiot. But I still thought it was cool.)

For the uninformed, The Plastimold machine can remake you like one giant plastic surgery machine. Only not like real plastic surgery, more like movie plastic surgery where bad guys get their faces so completely changed they have to be played by a new actor. Or like the master villains who change their faces to look exactly like someone else and they take over that guy's life. Only The Plastimold does this to your whole body. It can change everything -- height, weight, hair color, race...

Lois steps in and waits for Superman to hit the transformoflux pack. You heard me. I'm not typing that word again, so just go back and read it. With a mightly Whummmm and Hummmmm, Lois is changed before our very eyes from a white woman to a sistah! (She's got her fro and is ready to go!)

Hooboy, I suspect there's relevance ahead!!!

Just in case we were worried, Superman reminds Lois that she'll only be black for a day. (Is that enough time to feel the entire life experiences of a persecuted member of the population? Is it enough time to win a Pulitzer? Does she have anything to wear? One of these questions haunts her.)

Lois asks Superman to take her home quickly so that she can find something to wear. I guess her current outfit is too whitey.

In the next panel, we see black Lois dressed as Foxy Cleopatra with a giant babushka on her head. Did she always have these clothes in her closet? Or did she run out to "Whites Disguised as Blacks Boutique" and do some shopping?

Whatever the answer, we see her trying to hail a cab in the pouring rain. She's in luck! Benny the Beret (you didn't think he was going to get all that play in the beginning without returning for a crucial "point driven home" scene, did you?) is there in his cab. (I think I can hear her yelling, "Taxi! Hurry! My head is tipping me over because I forgot to take the towel off after I washed my hair!")

But holy Archie Bunker, Batman! Benny drives right by her as if she doesn't exist! And then, to make sure Lois understands that it wasn't because his cab was full or he was on a break, he stops a few feet away from her to pick up a white guy. (I never liked that Benny with his suspicious beret and his broken promises.)

Lois realizes that she just got her first lesson in being black. From this we can predict that there are going to be a lot more lessons to come.

The next panel is surprisingly subtle. Lois is on the subway and thinks everyone is staring at her because she's black. Only no one is staring! They don't care -- they don't realize that she used to be white, or care that she's black. They're reading their papers, or reading someone else's paper. (Check it out for yourself: There are 7 people on the subway besides Lois. The 3 on the bench aren't looking at her. The guy in the green shirt isn't looking at her. The gay guy in the blue shirt isn't looking at her. The guy in the hat isn't looking at her. Only the guy in the orange jacket is looking at her, and he might just think she's Erykah Badu.) Lois is officially in Paranoiaville.

I thought this was a nice touch. It displays the same paranoia she had when she bought coffee (thinking they were staring at her with hatred when they really didn't look like they cared very much). Lois isn't comfortable whether she's white or black. She's projecting onto everyone. She needs to get this under control if she wants to write a balanced article.

The next panel shows that Lois is still thinking about her experience in the subway. What's bizarre about this is that her thoughts are basically a realization of how difficult life is to be black due to the suspicions of whites. All well and good until you remember that she wasn't being stared at on the subway. I'm afraid, "How dare 1 out of 7 people stare at me!" sounds a little less righteous than planned.

So what is the writer trying to say? Is he trying to show that Lois is paranoid or not? Were the people on the subway supposed to be staring at Lois but no one told the artist? Is the silent speech about the black experience supposed to be taken at face value? I am so confused! "Mommy... what does this mean? Why is Lois saying that everyone is staring at her when no one is? And why is she asking if that's how blacks are treated, when she was treated just fine? Shouldn't blacks be treated as nicely as she was? Help me, Mommy!" "Joanna, it's past your bedtime. We'll talk about this after I've thrown away this comic. Er... I mean I've put it away, honey. Go to sleep."

Comics can be so deep.

Perhaps we'll get more clues about what the writer and artist are trying to say when we read our next installment. Come back on Monday when Lois returns to the ghetto as a sistah instead of an outsider in part 4 of I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 2): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-05T17:35:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Whitey Lois was in the 'hood trying to write an article that will win her a Pulitzer. Although cabs are eager to pick her up, the people in the ghetto don't have the same enthusiasm. Shunned by children, Lois carries on in I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Rebuffed but undaunted, our favorite journalist continues on her quest. She's Lois Lane, intrepid girl reporter, and nothing is going to keep her from her Pulitzer. So she knocks on a tenement door. (Really, Lois? You're just going to knock on some stranger's door and get the scoop on being black? Ooookay, let's try that). The woman who answers the door slams it in Lois's face.

"Ohh...!" More shock. Dang those Pulitzers are hard to earn. (Perhaps Lois shouldn't have worn her "I've found Jehovah!" button today.)

Her day doesn't improve. She goes to a coffee shop and two men look toward her. "How can I break through this wall of suspicion? " (Personally, I think they're staring because she's sitting there staring at them, and she's not drinking her coffee. It's gonna get cold, y'know! That's pretty suspicious. Bet she ordered it black, too!)

She passes three guys playing dice in an alley and thinks, "No one will speak to me!" (She's just standing there staring at them, clutching her purse tightly, and looking superior. Why would they break their game to talk to her? What if they've already heard on the street that she orders coffee but won't drink it because it's black? Huh? Did you ever think of that, Lois!!!)

Not having any luck with kids or adults, Lois goes after a baby. She chucks it under the chin only to have the wee one wheeled away by her mother, as if Lois were the plague. Lois thinks, "That mother wheeled her baby away from me as if... as if I were the plague!' (Sure, Lois -- reference the black death. Betcha whitey gave it that name.)

"Wandering like homeless ghost..." (ghosts being traditionally depicted as white apparitions, of course. Doncha get it, Lois? You're going to have to turn black! Not yet? Okay, let's continue this rejection for another page or so). Lois sits on a park bench next to an elderly woman. The woman politely mentions the weather and Lois feels vindicated. Finally, someone is talking to her! (What Lois doesn't know is that the old lady also wants a Pulitzer. She's really a 20 yr-old who transformed herself into an elderly woman to research ageism.)

But as soon as she tells the woman that she's a reporter, the woman leaves. "The freeze is still on! The only reason that nice old lady spoke to me is because she's blind! When she heard me speak, she knew I was white!"

(That should be enough. The reader would have to be blind and not reading this story not to have gotten the point by now, right? Right? Well... maybe we need it spelled out a little clearer.)

A young, handsome black man is speaking to a crowd and, while pointing to Lois, says, "Look at her brothers and sisters! She's young and sweet and pretty. But she never forgets she's whitey!" (Actually, Lois had nearly forgotten she was whitey, but thankfully, he was there to remind her.)

(Please note that at this point, the only people who have shown rampant, outrageous racism are the blacks. They ostracize her, won't speak to her, and call her racial epithets. What is this story trying to say? That all black people are bigots? Maybe Lois should turn black, so we can get down to the truth! The now! The today!)

Mr. Black Man continues saying, "She'll let us shine her shoes and sweep her floors! And let us baby-sit for her kids! But she doesn't want to let our kids into her lily-white schools! It's okay with her if we leave these rat-infested slums! If we don't move next door to her ! That's why she's our enemy !" (Is she sad because of what he said, or because she sees her Pulitzer slipping away?)

Wow! We've got some genuine urban anger going on here, right in the same comic that used to deal primarily with doing silly things to get scoops and making up plots to trap Superman into marriage! I think the silver age is over, boys and girls. Comics are suddenly as bronze as Lois with a super-tan.

A very sad Lois thinks, "He's wrong about me... but right about so many others!" Oh man, Lois is having an epiphany. She's seen the slums and the tenements; she's seen the distrust and fear; she's seen herself in a black man's mirror and she's awakened to the now, the today and all that relevant stuff.

After several more hours of this (Lois is a tad slow getting the point) she is sitting on a park bench when Superman flies down. (He was watching over her, remember?) So, has Lois changed deep inside? Has this experience truly awakened her to the problems in the slums?

Nah, she's still worried about her story. She tells Superman that there's only one way she can get her scoop. What could it possibly be? Would I really be so cruel as to end today's revisit here? Why, yes, actually, I would. Come back Friday to find out what that "one way" to change things could possibly be (Don't peak at the cover or, um, the title of the story) in I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (Part 1): I AM CURIOUS BLACK

2007-12-03T13:51:00.000-08:00

This is an absolutely classic "relevant" DC comic from 1970, when social issues were the new fodder for stories in comics. In a nutshell, Lois Lane turns black, so that she can experience life in the hood. It doesn't get much better than that. Keep in mind as you read this it's a pop culture treasure, crystallizing many of the attitudes and outlooks of the U.S.A. close to 40 years ago. The civil rights movement of the 1960s was still in full swing in the year this comic was written. Segregation, prejudice, and bigotry were a deep wounds in the nation's psyche and it was more than time to expose that wound to the air so that it could have a chance at healing.

Comic books were a solid part of pop culture, still rooted in the dime store spinner rack and considered kiddy lit. One of the best ways to improve any social ill is to get the children thinking differently than the generation before them. In this way, comic books had an important role. This story made an honest effort to address the subject of prejudice. In hindsight these many decades later, it sounds dated and in places, downright funny (dare I say "comical"?). Enjoy the humor, but as the lighthearted Silver Age of comics ended and the darker Bronze Age began (1970 is usually considered the beginning of the Bronze Age), DC had some catching up to do.

Come along for the ride because son of a gun, gonna have big fun!

The splash page is a doozy. A black (not African-American, as that term is years away) Lois is confronting whitey Superman, daring him to say that he'd marry her even though she's black.

I haven't even gotten past the splash, and I must already pause. Lois has been wanting to marry Superman for a very long time. It's nearly all she thinks about, and a huge portion of her stories have this as a central theme. Why on earth does she think that he's suddenly going to marry her just because she changed her skin color? She's still vulnerable to his enemies (the excuse he always gives). She's black, not immortal. But the way she's laying into him you'd think he was on his way to the altar, saw her new skin color and flew away at superspeed.

This opening splash tells us very clearly that the point of this story is to bludgeon the reader about prejudice, not worry about little details like 40 years of continuity. It's about being oppressed by The Man! It's about reality and relevance and the streets and civil rights and getting a cab and not marrying Superwhitey! You dig? It's today! It's now! It's truth!

It's not really the beginning of the story.

The story actually begins with a very smug (you know she's smug because she's looking at herself in a mirror -- a dead giveaway) Lois telling Clark about the Pulitzer Prize she's going to win for writing a story about Metropolis's Little Africa section of town. She's gonna tell it like it is, baby! Get the real nitty gritty about life in the inner city.

Clark decides to keep an eye on her as Superman, because he knows she's going to get in trouble. Either that or he's a white establishment pig who thinks all blacks are criminals. It's not really clear which of these he's thinking. Aw heck, any LL reader knows that Lois can get in trouble tying her shoes -- that's why he's going to keep an eye on her.

Lois hails a cab and is greeted by Benny the Beret (This is Benny. He is a beret). He's a hale and hearty fellow (just wanted to use both 'hail' and 'hale' to prove I know the difference). It's obvious that when Lois wants a cab, Benny is always there to help her out. He takes her to Little Africa, and offers to wait, but she sends him on his way. Lois is positive the residents there will welcome her with open arms.

She gets her comeuppance fast. She approaches some school children and finally has that smug expression (which she has worn from panel 1!) wiped off her face when the kids turn their backs on her and won't answer her questions. She is shocked!

That should be enough to let Lois know that things aren't going to be easy for a white woman to get a good story in the ghetto. Surely she'll head back to the Planet and either choose another subject or figure out a way to become black. That's what most reporters would do, right? Well, it's not quite that simple. In order to find out what happens next, you'll simply have to come back on Wednesday to read part 2 of I AM CURIOUS BLACK!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen (Story Three, Part 3, Finale): THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

2007-11-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

When last we read, mayhem was about to break out as Lois sees Lucy heading into the cabinet. Without ado, further or otherwise, here is the next installment of THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

"In an instinctive rush to protect her sister, Lois plunges forward..." and Lucy, that rat, jumps out of the way so that Lois is the one who ends up in the cabinet instead of her. Sure, she looks regretful, but this could all be deep-seated sibling rivalry made heinously real through the use of a Kryptonian evolution cabinet. Just saying, is all.

Jimmy zeeeee's for Superman while explaining to Lucy as if she's never heard of the watch before, "I'm using my signal watch repeatedly to call Superman!" Ah well, as John Byrne always said, "Every comic is someone's first issue." Because we're running out of pages in this story, Superman actually shows up this time. And now we get the Superman thought balloon from the cover. "My X-Ray vision reveals that it's changing Lois into... but I daren't tell them!" (daren't? Superman thinks like a 19th Century romance novel? Interesting.)

And finally, the secret is revealed. Lois emerges from the cabinet and she's... no, I daren't tell you. Aw, what the heck. She's a giant cat. (That makes so much sense. Jimmy is turned into an old man, Perry into a baby and Lois into another species. That is one wacky cabinet. You can't even count on it to continue aging or digressing people. Now it's suddenly capable of switching species. Personally, I think it was because Jimmy gets to make that pun about Lana thinking Lois is catty. It's a long way to go for a pun, but not if you're high on goofballs.) Lucy pleads for Superman to change Lois back. Perhaps she doesn't want any pets or maybe she fears the enormous tuna bill that giant Loiscat would incur.

Superman reads the inscription with his microscopic vision and finds out it can't turn anyone back to normal. "This is the evolution cabinet of Zan Zoll, scientist of Krypton... which changed his victims in strange ways, but could not change them back! (Krypton, originators of the run-on sentence) Therefore, we sentenced him..." Rather than finish the quote, we get to see chunky Kryptonians wearing shoulder puffs, headbands, and underwear on the outside as they condemn the non-puffy-shouldered Zan Zoll to the phantom zone. (My, that must be one crowded zone). Then, instead of destroying the cabinet, they shoot it into space. ("Not our problem anymore. Let those damn Earthlings deal with our detritus yet again. I hear Jimmy Olsen speaks Kryptonian.")

So we finally have the answer to that "why wasn't it turned to Kryptonite" question. It was jettisoned prior to the big boom. Then, as if things weren't bad enough, Mxyzptlk decides to take that moment to make an entrance. Because this is Jimmy's comic, it's time for him to save the day.

Jimmy tells Mxy not to bother them because a greater magician has changed everyone in ways that no one, even Mxy, could reverse. And because the imp is a known idiot who can never see the obvious, he falls for it and instantly turns everyone back to normal. (The best part of this sequence is Perry White. If you'll recall, he was wearing baby garments at this point in the story so when he's turned back, he is not dressed for company. Granted, the baby clothes appear to be quite stretchy, so he's not entirely nekkid, but he isn't looking his sharpest. This continues through the next few panels.)

Picking up Jimmy's lead, Superman praises Mxy, telling him, "You can truly boast you're a greater magician than the one whose name is on this cabinet." (No, sorry, I can't see this one coming from 100 miles away. I am truly obtuse. I am convinced Mxy will denigrate Zan Zoll and continue to harass Superman.) "Of course I am greater than that amateur! Let's see, what's his name..." says Mxy, showing his enormous intellect. "...Kltpzyxm... oops!" Yes, that wacky sprite has done it again. Even as he poofs away, he explains that saying his name backwards is returning him to the 5th dimension ("Up, up and away in our beautiful balloon...")!

Just in case we didn't follow that, Jimmy tells Superman the trick Supes just used to make it happen. Then Superman continues the explanation by explaining that even though Mxy's magic usually disappears when he does, in this case, since they were all returned to normal, the magic stuck. (Okay, it doesn't make much sense to me, either, but there's only one panel left. Heaven forfend there not be enough room to push the Strange Sports Stories issue of the Brave and the Bold.) In the background, Perry says, "What happened? Why am I wearing baby clothes?"

Luckily, there's room enough to tell us the entire plot of the comic all over again, so we get a quick wrap-up by Lois (who wasn't even there!). Perry then fires everyone amidst a sea of happy smiles. Superman isn't winking at us (shucks) but he is smirking, so that's partial points.

Ah, Silver Age DC Comics. Oh, but I love them so.

Now that we've had a Golden Age Wonder Woman comic and Silver Age Jimmy Olsen, it's high time we enter the Bronze Age. Starting next week is one of the most classic Lois Lane Bronze Age "look how relevant we are" comics ever. It's the inimitable SUPERMAN'S GIRLFRIEND LOIS LANE #106: I AM CURIOUS BLACK where Lois gets turned into a black woman so she can experience prejudice and the ghetto firsthand. Oh, but it is deliciously dated and an outstandingly good read. Come for the story; stay for the snark! That's coming on Monday. Until then... ::wink!::

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen (Story Three, Part 2): THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

2007-11-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Jimmy had just stepped into the mysterious big red phone booth scientific instrument from Krypton that shouldn't be tampered with in order to impress Lucy Lane. (Please don't ask me about the logic of that move. This is Jimmy Olsen for crying out loud.) And now, for the startling consequences that none of you could possibly see coming! Here's part 2 of THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Jimmy comes out feeling weak and shaky. Although he can't see it, we now know that – shocker! – he's been turned into an old man! Jimmy looks in a mirror and thinks, "Yow! I'm an old man! The evolution cabinet aged me! I should have listened to Perry and not fooled around with it!" (Oh, Jimmy. Will you never learn? If something is called an "evolution cabinet," is from Krypton, has no obvious buttons or gadgets, and is big enough to fit a person, you might consider thinking about possible consequences as opposed to your date with Lucy Lane. Just saying, is all.)

How Jimmy deal with this harrowing turn of events? Will he tell Perry White what happened so they can make sure no one else makes the same mistake? Have you read no Jimmy Olsen comics at all? Of course he won't! He'll wear a disguise. Seeing a Christmas wreath, Old Man Jimmy gets an idea. He quickly rents a Santa costume so that his aged body and long white beard will look perfectly normal. When Perry questions him, he explains that (snicker) "...in this old-man make-up and Santa Claus costume I can investigate that stolen fur racket with no one suspecting I'm a reporter!" (Let me get this straight. In order to investigate some crooks, he goes undercover as Santa Claus? No one will notice him then, right? "Hey look, Mugsy, Santa Claus is wandering around, asking about our racket. Phew! For a second I thought he might be a reporter. Tell Santa whatever he needs to know. He's prolly just trying to get the goods on giving furs for Christmas. Every kid loves a fur coat. Yeah, that's it.")

Perry thinks Jimmy is "disguise-happy" (ya think?) and notes how well Jimmy is imitating an old man. But what's this? Jimmy left the notes on the fur racket in the evolution chamber. Perry crawls inside to retrive them, the cabinet glows and wham! Perry is now a baby! He's a baby wearing Perry's clothes and bawling. Childcare expert Jimmy puts a cigar in the baby's mouth yet oddly enough, the child is not happy about that. (Can you imagine in today's anti-smoking world what the outcry would be if one put a cigar into a baby's mouth?) The cigar thing proves to Jimmy that Perry is not just a baby in appearance, but also one mentally.

Just then Lois drops by. She takes one look at Santa Jimmy holding a baby dressed in Perry's clothes and to her credit, asks what's going on. (Things are strange at the Planet, but apparently there's a limit.) Jimmy explains his disguise and then says that the baby is a relative of Perry's and is dressed like that for a gag. Funny stuff. Dressing a baby in a man's suit. Lois doesn't question it so Jimmy asks Lois to babysit but she's on her way into Perry's office to check on a feature and hasn't the time.

Baby Perry is now happily playing with an ink bottle (my guess is that they needed to match all of the elements on the cover because DC covers often came before the stories). Jimmy cleans him up and while the baby makes a racket, Jimmy tells him he has to get on that racket story. (heh) Santa Jimmy buys a stroller and baby clothes and takes the baby with him to the racket story. (He's going to blend in even more now! An old, skinny Santa Claus pushing a baby carriage – who would look twice at that? It's a perfect disguise).

Santa Jimmy stares at some crooks about 10 feet away. The crooks do not notice the Santa who's got a baby carriage and is taking pictures of them. Apparently, ex-convicts are stealing furs and selling them in a store. Now that Jimmy's got the goods on the racket (phew! That MacGuffin racket plotline needs to be put away. We're interested in the Santa, baby, phone booth plot, not some stupid fur racket. When does Lois get in the booth? Huh? It's on the cover so it must happen. C'mon, Lois, get in there and get turned into something Superman dare not say).

Once finished with the racket, Jimmy hightails away because it's after 5pm. "Jeepers, it's time for my date with Lucy Lane... and if I stand her up, I'll be an old man before I get another date! What am I saying? I am old!" Let's just hope Lucy is suitably impressed by Jimmy going into the phone booth. That was supposed to be a turn-on for her, right?

But at a downtown nightclub (they're going to a nightclub at 5pm?) Santa Jimmy races in with baby Perry. Lucy isn't even sure it's Jimmy. He tells her it's a disguise and let's face it, no explanation is more acceptable than Jimmy is wearing a disguise since he puts a new one on every 5.4 seconds. They sit down to dinner and Jimmy orders a steak for Lucy and a soft-boiled egg with crackers for himself. (It's because he's old. Just in case you forgot. Jimmy is old. He eats old man food. Phew – it's a good thing they keep reminding us, huh?) He orders a bottle "for my editor... I mean, my baby" (just in case you forgot the baby was Perry Whi—oh, forget it).

Lucy is not amused by Jimmy's disguise and tries to pull off the beard. Uh oh! It's real! He spills the beans to Lucy, telling her the truth about the cabinet. He offers to take her to the planet to show her (she never got her steak! I'd like a steak. I'll eat it) the cabinet. "I'll come," says Lucy, "And if this cabinet of yours has done anything to my sister Lois, I'll... I'll..." She looks angry instead of turned on. Poor Jimmy blew it in so many ways. And now Lucy is worried about Lois (nice to see her getting protective of her older sister).

The two of them (and baby makes three) head to the planet. Jimmy gives her the abridged version of finding the cabinet (making sure to mention yet again that it wasn't converted to Kryptonite. Hmmm....) but Lucy thinks the story sounds fishy.

And now let the mayhem begin! Perry tries to crawl out a window, Lucy decides to debunk Jimmy's story by going in the cabinet (will no one show a single working brain cell and stay out of the flocking cabinet????) and Lois enters at that moment, still searching for Perry.

Whaddaya suppose is gonna happen now? Mayhem, I tells ya, pure mayhem! Be sure to come back Friday for the thrilling conclusion of THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen (Story Three, Part 1): THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

2007-11-26T12:39:00.000-08:00

Curiosity is a good quality in a newspaper reporter, but it can be carried too far! And Jimmy Olsen proves that when his curiosity drags him, and also Perry White and Lois Lane, into an amazing predicament from which it seems even Superman can't rescue them! Here is the tale of the strange doom that came out of-- THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!

Life is never easy for ole Jimmy, is it? Even when he's showing one of the qualities that put the rep in cub reporter, he still manages to get in trouble. I wonder how? Oh, look! A comic book and it appears to have all the answers. Let's find out together, shall we?

Our splash page shows Metropolis's rainbow Lego block skyline and Jimmy as an old man. You can tell he's old because he has a long, white beard down to his knees, uses a crooked cane, has his hand on his back, and puffs and gasps in his thoughts. I'll admit that I don't know if geriatrics puff and gasp in their thoughts, but I'm willing to take it as given. (Note that Jimmy's trademark 'red' hair has but a wee bit of white at the temples and is otherwise still full, lush and orange, as it always is. I guess when something is your trademark it won't do to lose it. How else are we to know it's Jimmy? Certainly not by his fashion sense. Everyone knows Jimmy only owns one suit and it's green. Apparently, once aged, Jimmy quickly went shopping at Geezer Gap.) Meanwhile, Superman flies overhead and helps the reader note that a) it's Jimmy – just in case that orange hair didn't clue us in enough, b) he's old, and c) he's having a tough time holding his job, most likely due to internal puffing and gasping.

I glance at the first panel and right off the bat, I'm proven wrong. Jimmy does own clothes that aren't green. I guess the bowtie is far more important than the color of his suit. The story begins with Jimmy shouting at a flying Superman. Apparently, Supes didn't answer Jimmy's signal watch's "zeeeee". Jimmy wants Supes to help with a deep-sea dredging story. Superman can't help with that fascinating dredging story, however, because he's on the tail of Mr. Mxyzptlk (helpfully pronounced "Mix-Yez-Pit-Lek" according to the editor).

So what is that wacky interdimensional imp up to now? (oddly, Microsoft Word does not recognize the word 'interdimensional'. Do they not read any comics over there? Shame on them. They are tainting the appellations 'geek' and 'nerd' for everyone.) Ole Mxy is causing havoc by reversing signs (i.e. spelling everything backward). Wow. That is... just... havoc-making. Obviously a job for SUPERMAN! The world would stop if a motorist can't make out that billboard for Burpsi-Cola (or Isprub-Aloc, as it now appears). Superman needs to make all new signs to avoid traffic jams. (Often I think about the things that happen in comics and what mayhem would be produced in the real world were some of the happenings within to occur in reality. The comic world needs superheroes just to deal with all that insanity. But reversed signs? Yeah, that's the end of civilization as we know it. No nation could recover from that. Armageddon.)

Recognizing the seriousness of the whole 'ngis' dilemma, Jimmy heads on over to the docks for the dredge report (heh). A crane lifts up what appears to be a red phone booth and it is a startling sight to Jimmy. "What in the world is the dredge bringing up now?" (Nothing political, I hope) The dredge guy doesn't know but guesses it's been sunk for a hundred years due to its excessive silty-ness.

Dredge Guy does not see it as a red phone booth. He thinks it is some sort of scientific instrument (have to admit, that would not have been my first thought.) Ever-helpful Jimmy notes that, "...this inscription on it is in the language of the perished planet, Krypton! I learned the language from Superman and can read it!" Wow, Jimmy's education in all things Superman even extends to speaking Kryptonese. That is simply amazing. I wonder how often that's needed? What am I saying? In Jimmy's life, probably every other day.

He reads it aloud. "This is the evolution cabinet of Zan Zoll (Kryptonians really love the letter "Z", don't they?), scientist of Krypton..." The rest is corroded and illegible. As Jimmy and the dredger load the cabinet onto the Daily Planet helicopter, Jimmy notes that, "for some mysterious reason, it was not changed into Kryptonite." You know, that alone would make me wary of the thing. A scientific instrument from Krypton. Not turned into Kryptonite. Zan Zoll. Yup, those all add up to a big yellow "Caution!" sign to me. But this is Jimmy "I'll do anything as long as it's against common sense" Olsen. He's taking it with him so Superman can have a lil look-see.

Later, in the Daily Planet office, Jimmy proudly shows Perry White his new toy. The ever-sensible Perry warns Jimmy not to "tamper with it." Sound advice, Chief. Just don't expect Jimmy to follow it. (that's a guess on my part. Perhaps I'm wrong and the rest of the comic is simply pictures of Planet employees walking past it without touching it.)

The next panel shows Jimmy opening the door to the big red phone booth scientific instrument from Krypton that shouldn't be tampered with. He thinks, "What does Perry think I am... a child? I'm not going to tamper with this thing... but it won't hurt to look it over... if I could find out what it does, I might be able to impress Lucy Lane tonight!" Brilliant thinking, sport. Don't tamper with it, but open it up, try to figure out how it works because there's nothing that turns Lucy Lane on more than a guy who tampers with, er, figures out how big red phone booth scientific instruments from Krypton work. Yeah, go on inside and see what happens.

"What's happening!" From my perspective, Jimmy, you're in a big red phone booth scientific instrument that is now glowing. What a startling turn of events! "I didn't touch any gadgets, but that force came on automatically when I stepped in! It's overpowering!" (I did NOT see this coming. I thought for sure opening the door and getting inside would be completely harmless. Wonder what happened? If only the splash page had given us a clue.)

Are you as curious as I am about what could possibly have happened to Jimmy in the big red phone booth? Are you completely clueless because the splash page and the cover of the comic book are too enigmatic? Then come back on Wednesday for part 2 of "THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON!"

More comics!

2007-11-24T16:30:00.000-08:00

Just got a big box of coverless comic books from the 60s and 70s so I've got lots more stories to tell now. Remember to come back Monday for the final story in Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66: THE CABINET FROM KYRPTON!

Quick message

2007-11-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

I'll be back Monday with the final story in this Jimmy Olsen comic. This four day Thanksgiving weekend will give me time to catch up. Thank you for your patience!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story Two, Part 5, FINALE): JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

2007-11-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Jimmy was held captive in Sitting Bull's camp. He's guarded by an eerily familiar Indian. I don't know if you figured out who it is (no one left a comment so I can't tell) but his secret is about to be revealed by Jimmy "In my era..." Olsen. Ready? Then let's get to the thrilling conclusion of JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!"

Jimmy thinks several more exclamation points about the invasion plans he just heard and feels he must get back to Custer immediately to warn him (Lex is attacking at noon. So far Custer has seen every attack and met it, even the one at night, thanks to Jimmy. Why is it so deadly that they're attacking at noon? Will Custer and his men be distracted because they'll be picnicking and won't want to leave their egg salad sandwiches and potato salad?) Jimmy devises a plan that just might work!

He tells his guard to untie him because he's a powerful medicine man and will give the guard a magic talisman. The eerily familiar Indian (Is a mascot from Cleveland? No. Atlanta? No.) For reasons completely unknown to me, Familiar-guy cuts Jimmy free. He really wants that talisman, I guess. Jimmy pulls something out of his pocket and says, "Watch closely! By just squeezing my fingers together I will create your imagte on this bit of metal!" Hmm... a bit of metal. An image of an Indian on a small, round piece of metal. D'oh! The Indians portrait was indeed right on the money because Jimmy hands him an Indian-head nickel.

Man, now that is some coincidence that Jimmy's guard just happens to be identical to the portrait on the nickel down to the last detail. It's almost as if he was drawn using a nickel as a guide! It's uncanny! Quick, Jimmy! Go find the identical buffalo to the one pictured on the reverse so you'll have a set! (No, not Buffalo Superbill – the bison kind.)

Jimmy hands the Indian the nickel. "The simple savage is stunned by Jimmy's feat of 'magic', and..." Oh, my, nothing offensive there. 'Simple savage'. Please forgive me for even repeating that, but it's so indicative of the era and helps us understand how far we've come. There will always be things in these stories that don't jive with today's world. Still, there is value in seeing the past for what it was and not sitting in judgment on it. It is what it is and now is now.

The Nickel Man lets Jimmy go and has a neato souvenir of his future fame. Jimmy, meanwhile, sees that the Indians are heading off on their horses to attack Custer. For some reason, Jimmy thinks he can outrun horses and make it in time to warn the cavalry of the impending battle. He can not. By the time Jimmy gets there, we see our first real casualties. A dead soldier with an arrow in his back (was he running away? Heaven forfend! Not our brave white guys! There must have been some other reason) and a wagon on fire.

A distraught Jimmy doesn't hear the "stealthy footfalls behind him until..." Sitting Bulluthor grabs Jimmy by his bright red hair. "Har! It is the paleface medicine man! He escaped! But I have him now! His red-haired scalp shall be my finest trophy!" Lexbull holds a tomahawk above Jimmy's head, preparing to strike. "Sitting Bull! It's my finish! Yeeeaaaa!" ("It's my finish"? What odd final words. They're so formal. No 'I'm gonna die!' from Jimmy. Nope. Instead we get an "It's my finish!" Almost bizarrely cool in a way now that I roll the words on my tongue. Very melodramatic. Okay, I now approve. Let's move on, seeing as it's Jimmy's finish and all.)

Suddenly a big rainbow whoosh! And Jimmy is back in Frontier City with Superman! Holy plot twists, Batman! And what's this? He's got fingers growing out of his head! Oh, no! Something messed up in the time travel and his fingers ended up growing out of his ear while... his... oh. That's Superman's hand. Never mind.

And now, let's have the requisite "I'm going to explain everything that just happened in this story" moment with our host, Superman. "No, Jimmy, you weren't in the past! You see, Sitting Bull's pipe was stuffed with a dried plant resembling loco-weed, and when you smoked it, the fumes gave you hallucinations!"

Adding to the explanation and in a desperate attempt not to make the readers mutiny due to a plot twist that is despised by most writers, Jimmy says, "Then it was a nightmare! (note how he avoids saying the words, "Then it was all a dream" and opts instead for the 'nightmare', a form of dream but since he didn't use the exact word, perhaps you won't notice.) You wouldn't believe it! Sitting Bull looked like Luthor and Buffalo Bill looked like you!" (and the guy from the nickel was there, and you, and you, and you, and oh, Aunty Em, I'll never leave home again!)

Superman throws a final volley just in case there's one 8 year old left who doesn't quite understand. "No doubt it was your visit to Frontier City which caused you to have a dream (there's that word!) about Custer's last stand!" Ya think, Supes? Could Jimmy having just stared at a diorama of Custer and then smoked Sitting Bull's pipe have put those people in his psyche? I suppose it's possible...

The next day, a frustrated Jimmy tears up his story. He tells Clark that "no matter how I write it up, that pipe-dream doesn't make sense!" Heh. Pipe-dream. Clever, Jimmy. After a recap of the story we just read as proof that it doesn't make sense (roflol – what message is THAT sending?) Clark agrees that it all sounds far-fetched. Bwa ha ha ha. They're putting down their own comic for the silliness and it's all done with a 'straight face', so to speak.

The final panel has Clark staring at the torn piece of paper and noting that Sitting Bull ends with two 'L's so hmmmm.... "I wonder!" he thinks. But Clark, maybe Sitting Bull was really Lois Lane? Or Lana Lang? Or Lori Lemaris? Or...

Thanks for reading along, everyone! If you liked this story, let me know. And please stay tuned for the third and final adventure, THE CABINET FROM KRYPTON! Ooh, the cover story. This one looks great!

NOTE: Although I have been posting every day, I need to switch to posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. These crazy write-ups take a lot of time and my other work was suffering. I hope you'll stick with me, read along and have a good time here on Comic Books Revisited! If you like what you see, please consider linking to it on your blog.

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story Two, Part 4): JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

2007-11-21T11:06:00.000-08:00

The tank now finished, the men roll across the plains shooting out of slits and praising Jimmy for his ingenuity. They can now advance against the Indians without danger (or propulsion. Okay, I'll stop). But oh no! Sitting Bull finds a bunch of perfectly round, green boulders on a hill and rolls them toward the "moving fort" full of soldiers. Do the boulders smash the tank? Nope, better. "Those green boulders! They're lodestones, often found in these hills! Their magnetic power is drawing the spikes out of the logs! Our moving fort is falling apart!" Yes, kids, Buffalo Bill is right. The boulders didn't have to hit them at all. Instead, we are treated to the far more complicated "magnetic lodestone" device. And there's a bonus! Jimmy thinks, "::gulp:: Those lodestones look just like green kryptonite!" Apparently, part of Krypton beat Superman to earth in the form of giant, round, green, lodestone boulders that just happened to be at the top of the very hill where the ghost-powered moving fort was headed! What are the odds??

Deary me, things are really going downhill (heh) for our troops. When the green lodestone that looks just like kryptonite rolls past Buffalo Bill, he gets an arrow in the leg and starts weeping like a fanboy who can't find the latest hot comic at less than cover price. Weakling Bill asks Jimmy for help and despite arrows raining down them like, well, rain, everyone escapes alive (just as they have in every panel since the one where Jimmy lands and sees legs sticking out from under a wagon. Of course, we never met the owners of those legs, so those people don't matter. But Jimmy's boys do, so despite arrows in nearly every panel, no one is ever killed. Buffalo Bill is the first injury we've seen. And to be fair, the Indians never die, either. None of these people are good shots.)

Night falls and Custer fears a nighttime invasion. Future-boy is, as always, standing right next to him whenever Custer mentions a problem, and is quick to remind everyone that he's from the future. "Col. Custer, in the time era I come from, soldiers have one sure-fire method for foiling a night attack!" And now we get, what I like to call, the giving birth list (like in the movies when someone always rattles off a list like, "We need towels, a bowl of hot water, and a pair of scissors!"). "We'll need all the captured bows and arrows we can find! Then I want some old rags, lamp oil, and gun-powder!" Neato. Wonder what future-era-but-in-the-past scheme he's got up his sleeves?

From Bulluthor's POV we see the Indians mocking the soldiers. "Wugh!" proclaims one brave, "Soldiers running out of bullets! See! They shoot fire arrows at us!" Chief Bull replies, "Ha! Soldiers have poor aim! They miss us in dark!" Did Jimmy's plan fail? Flaming arrows aren't very 1960s. Surely there is more to it than that?

Oh-ho! What's this? Tiny parachutes are opening on the ends of all the arrows (no, that wouldn't have ruined the aerodynamics of the arrows at all. Stop being to practical, dear reader). Suddenly, "the battlefield becomes bright as day" and ole J.O. is once again the savior. Parachute flares show all of the Indians clearly and the battle begins anew.

Sitting Bull, however, doesn't sit (heh) idly by. He has them throw flaming torches into a black pool. When the pool of oil lights, it throws off thick, black smoke that masks the actions of the Indians. They attack and Buffalo SuperBill states the obvious, explaining how the smoke has obscured the flares. Good thing Jimmy needs everything explained or it could leave those 8 yr. olds with questions. Jimmy has to punctuate the explanation with a thought balloon and some exclamation points: "A smoke screen! Hmm... Sitting Bull is a master of modern warfare! He's every bit as cunning and dangerous as Lex Luthor!" (Lest we forget that no mere Indian could possibly outsmart the white guys unless he was identical to an evil genius white guy.)

Despite "Custer's gallant resistance" driving the Indians back, our boy Jimmy is captured. Oh, no! Worse yet, Lex Bull recognizes him as the guy showing Custer how to make "big war medicine". (I'm not sure how that works. It's not like Sitting Bull's stolen binoculars have an audio function and can hear Jimmy's ideas and instructions. Jimmy himself didn't appear to do any of the work – Buffalo Superman did most of the heavy lifting. Nope, I'm stumped as to how Lexbull knew that Jimmy was behind the fox-holes, tank, night flares, etc. Perhaps he's just really, really, really good at guessing).

Once in the Indian camp, Lexbull makes a big speech to his men describing exactly when they'll attack. Jimmy overhears (of course. Hey Bull, don't give away your battle plans in front of the prisoner who shows "big war medicine" on a constant basis. Most likely he has another trick up his future-boy sleeves).

But wait, what's this? The Indian guarding Jimmy looks really familiar. No, not another character from the Superman mythos, something else. Did he cry about pollution? No. Who is that guy? He doesn't look like any of Lex's other warriors. He's not wearing a Halloween costume headband and single feather like Lex. In fact, this guy is actually drawn to resemble a more realistic Native American. How spooky that this portrait is right on the money. Betcha a nickel I'll figure it out soon. Hmm... I think I need your help, dear reader: who is that guy?

And if you can't figure it out, the answer will be in tomorrow's thrilling conclusion to: JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story Two, Part 3): JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

2007-11-20T14:48:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Jimmy had taught Custer's men how to make fox-holes. Everything seems to be working out, but someone is about to spoil things yet again.

The futuristic fox-holes are being spied upon by none other than Lex Bull. Like a boxer, he refers to himself in the third person. "Our arrows cannot touch soldiers when they hide in holes! Make big medicine to drive enemy into open! Quickly! Gather wood! Build big fire!" (Now that is some first class exclamation point use! Gather wood! Yeah, that's something to exclaim as opposed to say, state. You wouldn't want to tell your men to gather wood without the proper amount of excitement in your voice. They'd think you were lame! Not a good leader! Unexcited about wood!) His minion replies, "At once, Great Chief!" Too bad the role is already cast as Lex Luthor because there could have been a great joke had it been Perry "Don't call me Chief!" White. Ah, the missed opportunities.

Please note also that Sitting Luthor's syntax is reminiscent of every bad portrait of Native Americans from Hollywood to other comics with Indians in them. Not that we would expect anything different, of course. We're talking 1963 here. Enlightenment came later.

Speaking of enlightenment, someone enlighted the Wood! and now there's a lovely fire. Custer spies on Bullex and watches as "those redskins" do something very odd. Great Chief is throwing leaves on the flames. Oh my God! Run for the hills! Not leaves! Anything but leaves! (I believe I've caught the exclamation point sickness! Must... resist! Must... phew. There. Much better now, thanks.) The leaves are making a lot of smoke and it looks a little like a tornado, but it's not supposed to. It's supposed to look like smoke rising straight up to the sky in a funnel-shaped cloud and then turning the skies dark, as if it were a storm. And there's lightning, too. Apparently, Bulluthor used "Indian magic" and created a storm. That is some powerful Great Chief. He can control the weather? I've heard of rain dances, but this was done with just some leaves.

As rain floods the soldiers out of their fox-holes (and I mean it literally fills the holes completely with water, like little swimming pools, all within the space of a panel) Jimmy figures out what happened. Jimmy's thought balloon is too good not to quote.

"I get it! History reports that Sitting Bull was a Medicine Man! Those strange leaves he threw in the fire brought on a storm, just like modern, rain-making chemicals! In a way, Sitting Bull is a scientist – just like Luthor, whom he resembles!"

Wow. That's not reaching at all. He went from medicine man to scientist and was able to seed clouds from the ground (he doesn't need a pesky flying machine) using a handful of leaves. Why, Sitting Bull and Lex Luthor are almost identical! Well, other than the fact that Lex usually wears a shirt. Gee, I wonder if there will be other comparisons between the two as the story progresses? Nah, it's been established. No comic would drive the point home with tunnel-visioned, excessive – what am I saying? Of course there will be. After all, we may not have noticed the resemblance between Lex and Sitting during the several times it's already been mentioned, not to mention that Mr. Bull is drawn identically to Mr. Luthor (minus that suit). But I digress. How long can this horrible storm last?

In the next panel, the storm is gone. Phew! But uh-oh, the fox-swimming-holes are useless now. Luckily, future boy is right there with a new idea stolen from his era. Jimmy explains to Custer what a tank is, and points to a convenient stand of trees. A wooden tank should stop the arrows, so Custer agrees to the plan. It's lucky that they have time to build one, though to be fair, there are arrows flying through the air as the men hammer a bunch of logs to a wagon frame. Still, they had to cut down the trees, trim all the branches, find those hammer and nails they happened to have brought to their battle, and carry all the logs into the open where the arrows could find them.

But what's this? Buffalo SuperBill is "carrying those heavy logs as if they were matchsticks!" Hmmm, he keeps behaving in such super ways. It's almost as if the man who looks exactly like Superman and keeps doing superfeats is hiding some super secret! Nah, it's just a coincidence.

Now they've got their tank. A moment while we think this through. Their tank is a bunch of logs nailed onto a wagon frame. Let's forget about what it would actually take to construct such a thing and figure Buffalo "I'm not really Superman" Bill did it all with his superstrength. Cool, they have a tank. But what's missing? Hmmm... the tank is shown traveling nicely across flat terrain. They've got slits for their guns, which they're shooting out of from the front of the... wagon... Where are the horses? This isn't a real tank, with a motor, this is a wagon. Wagons are not self-propelled vehicles. Horses or oxen are needed to pull the wagon. And yet, miraculously, Jimmy's brilliant tank not only protects them from arrows, it rolls happily across the plains without any need of propulsion. No horses, no motor, no wind sail, no Kryptonians, just rolls along. My confidence in the accuracy of this comic is severely shaken! There's no explaination! No long, convoluted "he seeded the clouds with leaves" type thought balloon! We're just supposed to believe that the wagon can suddenly propel itself across the plains without horses or oxen or Flintstone feet underneath or anything!

Oh, DC... how could you betray me so? How could you not include some bizarre explanation that solves nothing but sounds good to an 8 yr. old? ::sniff:: I can't go on. I'm afraid you're going to have to tune in tomorrow to find out more about JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND.

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story Two, Part 2): JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

2007-11-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

When Jimmy regains his senses he's at the site of a "an Indian massacre". All we see are an overturned wagon and some legs wearing cavalry boots. Man, it's such a coincidence Jimmy was forced to wear a costume to the opening. His green suit would've been an instant give-away that he was from another time and place. And yet in his fake cavalry costume he blends in perfectly.

At that moment, who should ride up (wait for it...) but Col. George Custer! What are the odds? Of all the old west time lines, in all the old west locations, in all the world, Custer rides into Jimmy's. Here's looking at you, cub reporter.

Despite the fact that Jimmy knows you can't change the past (how many billions of times has he learned that, anyway?) he decides to try to warn Custer of him impending doom. (Yeah, that'll work. "Hi, I'm from the future and you're about to be massacred. Skip that whole Little Big Horn thing and let's play cowboys and Indians among ourselves.") Oh, but Jimmy wouldn't be stupid enough to announce that he was from the future. That would be an automatic excuse not to listen to him. No, he'll be far more clever and find a way to tell him that will be believed.

"I come from the future! I've read all about your coming battle with Sitting Bull! You and your men will be wiped out unless you turn back!" (DC sure did love the exclamation mark.) Oh, Jimmy. Dear, sweet, loveable, idiotic Jimmy. What do you suppose Custer's reaction to that exclamation-marked speech is going to be? I'm guessing a mention of insanity, some leg irons, and some exclamation points.

"The poor lad is out of his mind... probably as the result of the Indian attack on this wagon train!" Two out of three. Perhaps the leg irons will come later. Jimmy then tries to prove he's future boy by reciting Custer's past accomplishments. His past accomplishments, as in stuff that's already happened and therefore everyone knows about it in that timeline. Personally, I'm not sure how one could persuade others that one is a time traveler, but I'm guessing that would not be the number one choice. "Hi, Joanna, I'm from the future. I can prove it by telling you that you added something to your blog yesterday." Uh huh, no one of this time period could have possibly known that! Actually, it would be rather effective since very few people read my blog. Hmm... how do I know those of you who've posted here aren't from the future? Prove it!

After dismissing Jimmy's proof, Custer and his men continue on and surprise, surprise! Thousands of Indians block their way. (In fairness, the doomed patrol does acknowledge Jimmy's warning was the truth. Good lad!) Then Sitting Lex, er, Sitting Bull rides up under a white flag to have a chat. To the writer's credit, Sitting Bull does not say "Ugh!" To the writer's discredit, Sitting Bull does say "Wagh!" I think I prefer "Ugh!"

Meanwhile, Jimmy gets his first look at SB and is shocked into several more exclamation points. His thought balloon proclaims, "Good Grief! He looks just like Lex Luthor! If he's half as cunning as Lex, Custer hasn't got a chance!" Let's take a moment now to reflect. Jimmy is from the future. He knows that Custer and his men were massacred. He knows he can't change the past. But none of this matters in light of Sitting Bull's appearance being similar to Lex. No, nothing else could possibly predict the outcome of the battle. The Lex thing trumps it all. That's some first class thinking there, Jimmy!

When Custer refuses to surrender, Sitting Bull does a perfect net forum flounce, leaving Custer making ready for battle and Jimmy bemoaning the fact that everyone's about to die. He simply has to do something to save them! Surely this once history can be changed! If only bullets were exclamation points, they'd never run out!

True to form, the Indians begin their attack and Custer is immensely outnumbered. Future-Boy decides to use his knowledge of 20th century army tricks to help the cavalry. "Col. Custer, in my time era of the future (just keep mentioning that, Jimmy and I'm sure they'll come around), soldiers under attack dig deep pits for protection! They're called fox-holes!"

Custer continues to think Jimmy is a loon with his future talk but does cotton to the idea of the fox-holes. This gives us a chance to be treated to yet another incongruous sight. The soldiers are complimenting Buffalo Bill, who is uncommonly strong and digs 10 fox-holes to everyone else's one. Jimmy is startled as 1) Buffalo Bill was never with Custer during Little Big Horn and 2) imagine that! He looks just like Superman, were Supes to have a skinny moustache and wear a cowboy hat (which he did sport at the beginning of the story. The hat, not the moustache. And this hat doesn't have a disappearing brim!). The resemblance is even better because Bill is wearing a skin-tight red deerskin shirt as opposed to all the blue cavalry uniforms. Yup, it's quite a mystery. Sitting Bull is Lex Luthor, Buffalo Bill is Superman, and things aren't following the history books. What is going on? If you haven't figure it out yourself you'll either have to read a lot more silver age DCs or better yet, come back tomorrow for more of JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story Two, Part 1): JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

2007-11-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

Jimmy Olsen has made many thrilling time trips into the past! The gallant cub reporter has matched wits with famous villains in the age of Vikings, in colorful biblical times and in the stone age: but now comes the time-adventure that tops them all! You'll be holding your breath until the last page as you read about: JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND!

Wow, now that's a build-up! Not only is it going to top every Jimmy Olsen time travel story, but you'll put yourself in mortal danger by holding your breath until the last page (and because you'll be reading this in separate parts posted over several days, you'll be dead before we get to the end from lack of oxygen. Sorry about that. Still, with that write-up I'm thinking it might be worth it. Death by silver age Jimmy Olsen comic would look cool in an obituary). I don't know about you, but I'm all atwitter at even the thought of reading this story! I'm also atwitter that Microsoft Word knows the word atwitter. I wasn't expecting that. See? Already this story is giving unexpected thrills! Let's get to it, shall we?

WARNING: From the splash page, we can already tell that this is not going to be a PC (politically correct) story when it comes to Native Americans. For starters, Sitting Bull is apparently a dead ringer for Lex Luthor. In all the photos I've seen of Chief Sitting Bull, he doesn't look a thing like Lex. Not even close. Not even... what am I doing? I'm looking for historical accuracy in a Jimmy Olsen comic! Have I gone mad? Are the men with the white coats mere steps from my front door? Of course Chief Sitting Bull looks like "evil Lex Luthor". It makes all the sense in the world.

Okay, with that out of the way, let's see how this historically accurate Jimmy Olsen story unfolds. Hmmm... wonder which side he'll be on – evil Sitting "Lex" Bull or the white guy, General Custer? Can't wait to find out.

Right off the bat we get one of those fantastically strange Silver Age panels. It's the opening of "Frontier City, an exhibit of life in the old west" and Superman is there to cut the ribbon with his heat vision. Ole Supes, however, is a wee bit miffed. Apparently, everyone had to come in western costume to the opening, including the Big Red S. According to his thought balloon, he feels silly wearing "an old-time cavalry uniform." Okay, I could see that. The only problem is that Superman is not wearing anything close to an "old-time cavalry uniform." No, he's wearing his usual super suit with two adornments: a gun and holster belt plus a cowboy hat. Quite frankly, if old-time cavalry units wore only those items, the west would have been filled with naked guys on horses with very sore, er, manly bits. Can you picture it? Between the sunburn and the embarrassment, they would have been called the red men and the Native Americans would have been called "the ones with some common sense."

Okay, go wash that image out of your brain. I'll be here when you get back. Ready? Let's move on. The next panel shows Jimmy (who's dressed conveniently in an actual cavalry uniform) and Superman looking at a display showing Custer getting wiped out by Indians. I do believe we're about to find out who's side Jimmy is on. "What a shame a hero like Custer had to go like that!" Oh, Jimmy, must you? Must you believe the propaganda that has been handed down the generations about the arrogant and cocky Col. Custer?

(For those of you who want to read about Custer and the battle of Little Big Horn, I have two suggestions beyond, of course, this entertaining and educational comic book. One is Black Elk Speaks the story of a Lakota holy man, told in his own words. Utterly fascinating. It starts with Little Big Horn and ends with Wounded Knee. Definitely worth a read. The other is written by Custer's wife, Libby: "Boots and Saddles" Or, Life in Dakota With General Custer -- it's another fascinating look at frontier life. She's a good writer and although Custer is written as the most perfect human being who walked the planet, it is a wonderful look at what life was like for the cavalry in that time period. Both are worth a read, especially if you want to see things from both sides of the battle. Okay, back to Jimmy.)

Jimmy and Superman (who appears to have lost the front brim of his cowboy hat and now looks more like a lumberjack) stand in front of a teepee. There's a sign that holds a peace pipe. But this is not so peaceful at all. It's a warning: Sitting Bull's peace pipe! Beware! Do not touch! Anyone who smokes this pipe goes to the happy hunting grounds. (Those anti-smoking people are everywhere.) Jimmy sees the sign as more of a challenge than a warning. He hatches a plot to smoke the pipe when no one is watching. Nice, Jimmy. You want to defile a valuable artifact, break non-smoking laws (although there probably weren't any anti-smoking laws then, it still seems an odd thing to do in a museum) and risk your health because your readers might get "a good laugh" out of it? That is one tenacious cub reporter!

Jimmy smokes and he's suddenly swirling around in a colorful tunnel (as established in the last story, the time stream is rainbow-colored). He feels as though he's "spinning dizzily through space." What are the odds? If you and I were to feel dizzy, we might fall flat on our dignity, but not much else would happen. Jimmy's wacky tobaccy has a more interesting effect. He gets the rainbow ride to unknown destinations. Now I'm not certain, of course, but I wonder if this story will have anything to do with Col. Custer and the Sitting Bull and the Little Big Horn? Wherever the swirly rainbow dizziness leads, you'll have to wait. So come back tomorrow to find out what exactly is JIMMY OLSEN'S LAST STAND? Can you stand it? (you may now curse my name for the horrendous pun.)

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story One, Part 3): THE BURGLARY KIT FROM THE FUTURE

2007-11-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Jimmy, high on the success of his burglar tools from the future, sees a slick character with radioactively burned hands named Count Slade. The FBI can't get the evidence they need but Jimmy has a plan. Now back to our story:

Naturally, Jimmy decides that he's the man who can get the goods on Slade and keep that radioactive fuel out of the hands of America's enemies. After following him, Jimmy overhears Slade mentioning that he's having his penthouse redecorated by The La Paree Company. Ooh la la! This'll give Jimmy a chance to wear a disguise! He loves wearing disguises.

And lookee here, it's a man with brown hair and a goatee. He's wearing a blue suit. I didn't think Jimmy owned any suits that weren't green. Learn something new every day. Jimmy talks his way in the door and when left alone goes right to work with his X-Ray specs. He instantly finds the radioactive fuel capsule hidden in a lead box in the TV set. This gives Jimmy a chance to feel superior to Superman because ol' Supes can't see through lead.

Instead of using his fourth dimensional tongs, he wraps an anti-gravity belt around the entire TV so he can float it out the window into the hands of the FBI. Personally, I think the tongs would've been a better choice, but this way it's far more dramatic when he gets caught next to a floating TV. Yup, the Count knew Jimmy was a fake and set him up. How did he know? Because all the decorators at La Paree are women. At this point, with Slade holding a gun on Jimmy and telling him how lame he is, our Jimmy thinks "I'd better put down that TV set or he'll plug me!" Now he decides that? Maybe he just wanted to be sure Slade noticed his burglary tools from the future.

Slade uses his radiation burned hand to slap the wig off of Jimmy. Apparently, Jimmy is the only redhead in Metropolis because Slade instantly recognizes him as the snoopy reporter. That gets Jimmy ulp-ing. Then comes another favorite moment. Slade looks at the open case of tools and says, "What's this? A burglar kit from the future, with full instructions!" No hesitation. He just instantly recognizes that a) it's a burglary kit, b) it's from the future, and c) it has instructions. So far, we've seen some of the tools and they're things like tongs and a belt. Personally, I doubt I'd instantly recognize these items as being from the future. I suppose Jimmy left the instruction book right on top (we have to assume it isn't labeled "How to use these burglary tools from the future" because if you print the booklet in the future, it's not the future, it's the present). But how on earth did Slade know exactly what everything is with a mere glance. Not that I don't understand why he instantly understands how useful they'd be. After all, if you're smart enough to recognize tools from a thousand years into the future, you can probably figure out that, being a crook yourself, they'd come in handy.

So Slade then decides to push Jimmy off the balcony, but ole Red quickly tells Slade that he won't be able to use the tools with one hand. He'll need Jimmy to help. Slade sees the logic. Jimmy brings out a teleporter and thinks he can transport some FBI guys into the room. Slade wants him to transport his buddy, who's on death row. Jimmy does as he's told cuz the gun is right in his face. (I still think the FBI guy idea was a good one. How was Slade going to know? Then again, an FBI guy who standing around on the street suddenly finding himself in the middle of a hotel room with an armed thug, well, he might spend a couple of seconds wondering what in blazes had just happened instead of drawing his weapon).

Meanwhile, Mitch Baron is in his cell being served his last meal. Sounds tasty, too. But suddenly, "...a giant transparent cocoon" forms around him. The guards figure out it's an escape attempt, shoot at the cocoon, but it's not good. Mitch is now in the apartment with Jimmy and Slade.

The two thugs discuss the teleporter, deciding they can loot every safe in town from the comfort of their living room. But since the FBI has the place under surveillance, they decide to do the looting from another location. Jimmy is wishing he could signal Superman, but of course that thief stole his signal watch. (Nice bit of continuity there. Plus it makes Jimmy's usual easy out impossible.)

Onto Slade's private yacht they go. Once at sea, Jimmy is told to set the teleporter to rob some gold bars from a bank. Jimmy does as told and then is put in a rowboat and sent his way because they're beyond the 7 mile limit. Nice of them not to kill him. After all, he knows their entire operation now. But no, that magic 7 mile limit will keep him from talking, I guess.

But what's this? Jimmy is cackling, very proud of himself. He watches at the gold bars continue to land on the yacht in a huge, never-ending stream. (When Jimmy teleported Mitch, he didn't fly through the air to the apartment. He disappeared in a cocoon. But for some reason, the bricks appear to be traveling through the air in a long line. I take back what I said about continuity.) Jimmy tricked them by teleporting from Fort Knox instead of the local bank. He's so clever!

The thugs can't reach the machine and it becomes obvious that the gold is going to sink the yacht, which it does. Finally, superman makes his entrance (did he follow the flying yellow brick road?) and he saves Jimmy, the crooks, and the gold.

Jimmy explains how smart he was with his whole Fort Knox thing. Superman decides to take the burglar kit to his Fortress of Solitude and invites Jimmy to come along. Jimmy, however, has a date with Lucy, so no thanks, big blue. "Later, at the end of a perfect evening..." Jimmy the burglar "steals" a kiss. He's so smug about it he straightens his bowtie (which is what the instruction booklet told him to do were he to be on a date with a beautiful blonde).

And that's the end of THE BURGLAR KIT FROM THE FUTURE! Did you enjoy the story? Want more silver age Jimmy Olsen? Let me know. If you said yes, you're in luck because there are two more stories in this issue and they'll be coming to this blog next. Stay tuned!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story One, Part 2): THE BURGLARY KIT FROM THE FUTURE

2007-11-16T12:57:00.000-08:00

So what do you do when you spot a futuristic thief in the next room? Jimmy, Lucy and Clark saunter into the room to confront him. Luckily the green-skinned future-thief speaks English. Jimmy threatens to call Superman with his supersonic signal watch. The thief drops the vibrating gun and picks up a black-out gun which knocks the earthlings out. Clark, of course, pretends to be knocked out (and we get a large thought balloon explaining the weapon, his fake black-out, and why in truth it doesn't affect him. What would silver age DC's have done without thought balloons?)

While the thief steals Jimmy's watch from his unconscious body (he appears to have a swarm of flies above his head. It's really that swirly "I’m unconscious" effect but just in case, I hope Jimmy closes his mouth. I wonder if he has sleep apnea? Oh, but I digress yet again), Clark sneaks out to change into his costume.

Superman catches the thief off-panel. Next thing you know he is flying the thief home in greenhead's time bubble (while centuries pass below their rainbow-colored flight. The only way to time travel is to do so in rainbow colors). Because he knows him, he calls the thief by name: Graxton 4-K. Apparently, in the future, green-skinned people will have bizarre last names. 'Graxton' is okay (in a Jerry Springer kinda way: "Graxton, you isn't the daddy of my baby! I bin sleepin' wif your brother Braxton! We's gonna name him Kraxton, after yo mama!") but 4-K? Is that the Delaware 4-Ks or the ones from Arkansas? The Delawares don't speak of the Arkansas branch of the family, y'know.

Meanwhile, Jimmy and Lois wake up and the Jimster sees that the thief left his burglary kit behind. Aha! Now we're heading into our plot. My favorite part of this whole story is, as Jimmy says, "That burglar left his tool kit! It's full of burglar tools from the future! And this booklet tells how to use them!" Yes, not only did he leave his tools behind, but he conveniently left the instruction booklet! You can hear the discussion on this between the writer and the editor. "But how does Jimmy know what these things are or how to use them?" "Oh, um, er, the thief left the instruction booklet." "Brilliant! Write it up!"

With the booklet instantly memorized, Jimmy dives into the bag and puts on the X-Ray glasses. (I don't know why he needed a burglar kit from the future for those. The same specs were sold in the back of many of his comics.) He tests them out by staring into his safe. Two problems here. The most obvious is that he never even glances at Lucy (who, I might add, beats a hasty retreat. She looks like she's worried that Jimmy will lose interest in staring at stuff he already knows is there and will turn his attention to what's under that spiffy red dress). The second is that we just saw his safe destroyed a few panels ago. How can he be looking into an intact safe if it was just crumbled to pieces? Although it appears he's looking at the side of the safe. Maybe it was only the door that crumbled. However, since the door did crumble, why not look into the gaping front to see what's there? Why use X-ray glasses to see inside something that is wide open yet not glance at the lovely Lucy? That Jimmy is one mixed-up kid. (And before you say anything, I get it – he wanted to test out the glasses on the "hardest metal in the universe". Still, is that what you'd look at?)

Jimmy escorts Lucy to her car but oh, no! She's locked her keys inside. All is lost. After all, how could Jimmy possibly find a way to... wait a minute! What about that burglary kit from the future? There happens to be a spiral magnetic beam in it that can open any lock! Phew! "Oh, Jimmy, you're wonderful!" Ain't he though?

As Lucy drives away Jimmy decides to write an article for the Planet about his new toys. Great idea! Let the entire criminal world know that you posses the ultimate set of burglary tools. Perfectly safe thing to do. No one would want to, you know, steal it or anything, right?

Luckily, Perry White has other plans. Perry wants Jimmy to get the goods on "Alibi Al", a bank robber who always has a perfect alibi. Jimmy figures he can crack the case with his new tools.

Jimmy pays a visit to Al and inspects the man's empty (but weird-looking) safe. No evidence there. Still, Jimmy has his suspicions. When Al is away, Jimmy breaks into his room, uses his fourth dimensional tongs (that can "slip through the hardest surface like butter!") and finds that Al has hidden his loot in the thick walls. Not sure how Al gets in and out of those walls. I think we can assume he's fresh out of fourth dimensional tongs, but ya never know.

Jimmy turns the loot over to the FBI, they arrest Al, and Jimmy is the hero of the day. But as he's leaving, he sees a "slick character". Obviously, looking slick means you have to be a bad guy. Surprisingly, slick is a bad guy! He's Count Slade and he stole radioactive fuel. The FBI guy says, "We have no evidence except for radioactive burns on his hands!" (I suppose there are tons of people walking around with radiation burns, so that's not the least bit suspicious.)

Looks like Jimmy is about to tackle yet another difficult case. I wonder if his burglar tools from the future will play a role? Tune in tomorrow to see the thrills and danger as Jimmy Olsen goes after Count Slade, a bona fide slick character who might be the end of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen!

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #66 (Story One, Part 1): THE BURGLARY KIT FROM THE FUTURE

2007-11-15T12:32:00.000-08:00

"In his amazing adventures with Superman, cub reporter Jimmy Olsen has come across some astounding gadgets... including his super-sonic signal watch, the fantastic red kryptonite ray-gun and the Sunevian wonder belt! But the incredible array of super-gadgets he meets in this story tops them all! Thrills come fast and furious when you read the story of... THE BURGLAR KIT FROM THE FUTURE!

I don't know about you, but I personally can't wait to have thrills coming fast and furious. That Jimmy is always getting into trouble because of his deep-seated desire to be Superman. He wears costumes at the drop of a hat, has his enormous collection of super-memorabilia, and now a burglar kit from the future? That spells trouble to me!

The splash shows Jimmy trying out some of the gadgets from the burglar bag by using tongs that appear to phase into a file cabinet (fourth dimensional tongs, actually) and x-ray glasses. Good ol' Jimmy has both Lois and Lucy Lane right in front of him and he uses the x-ray specs on a file cabinet. Then again, he's doing it to try to impress Perry White, so it makes sense. Perry lost the key to his Superman file cabinet, you see, and Jimmy is helping him out by retrieving an 8x10 of Big Blue. I wonder why he keeps those locked up? Is there a lot of risk involved in keeping a Superman file cabinet? Could Supes' enemies try to get to him via Perry's files? Well, whatever is in there, Perry appears happy enough to let Jimmy and his phasing tongs go at it.

The story begins with Jimmy hosting a small get together with Clark Kent and Lucy Lane. Being Jimmy, it's all about bragging about his Superman souvenir collection, which is housed in a safe made of "the hardest metal in the universe". Lucy is impressed and Clark smiles benignly. Jimmy apparently isn't happy with Clark's noncommittal response because he says, "Some collection, Clark, eh? (I believe Jimmy is originally from Canada) I'll bet you wish you were Superman's best friend instead of me!" The benign smile doesn't waver as Clark agrees that a lot of people envy Jimmy. But in one of my favorite silver age conventions, a thought balloon spells everything out, just in case the reader is unfamiliar with the bespeckled secret identity. "Ha ha! Jimmy would really flip if he knew that I am Superman!" Just keep that in mind, folks. If you feel like bragging on yourself, you may be talking to someone who secretly has far more to brag about than you. We can learn so much about life in these comics, can't we?

Between the splash page and two panel set-up, we pretty much know what's going to happen in this story. Or do we...? Perhaps the next panel will throw the story in a brand new direction.

"As Jimmy serves supper, suddenly..." There's a big "THUMP!" from the room with the souvenir collection. (Jimmy is quite the host. Although his dining room table is about the size of a card table, all of the food he's carrying is in covered dishes, like in a fancy restaurant. He's such a bon vivant. And after dinner, they can play poker!) As with most of us, Jimmy has installed a two-way mirror so that he can spy on his collection from the dining room. Perfectly normal thing to do. (Wonder how many times he's tricked Lucy into changing clothes in that room? "Hey, Lucy, you can change in my Superman room. Feel free to gaze adoringly at my souvenirs as I, er, comb my hair in front of this mirror out here.")

When they look through the mirror they see a green-skinned thief dressed in a standard silver age "I'm from the future" spandex jumpsuit. Naturally, Clark Kent recognizes him from an encounter in the 31st century. (What are the odds? A thief from the future happens to break into Jimmy Olsen's apartment – Jimmy is famous over a thousand years into the future? – and Jimmy's having a party on that exact night hosting none other than Superman. Add to that the fact that Superman happened to run into that very thief in the distant future and it's almost beyond belief. Happily, I believe every word of it, so let's carry on.)

The thief uses a strange "vibration ray" weapon that shakes the safe to pieces. So much for the hardest metal in the universe. As we all know, the harder metal is, the less flexible it is. Safe-maker should have foreseen that a futuristic thief would be able to breech it with a vibration gun. Duh. Worse yet, it was apparently Superman who had given the guarantee that the safe was crack-proof.

What on earth is Jimmy going to do? His Superman souvenirs are in danger, his dinner party is ruined, and his suit clashes with the alien's skin! Will the alien get away with the theft? Will anyone eat Jimmy's dinner? Is it possible the alien brought with a burglar kit from the future? (not sure where I got that crazy idea.) Tune in tomorrow for part two of: THE BURGLAR KIT FROM THE FUTURE

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 4, finale): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

2007-11-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

When last we read, the Purple Priestess was going to have Wonder Woman bring down the statue of the Goddess Vultura and keel everyone below. Now on to the thrilling conclusion:

PP whispers a command to the princess and the (mentally helpless) Allura does as she's told, asking the goddess Vultura to give judgment on the prisoners. Just as we feared, Wonder Woman's mighty Amazon power pulls the statue off its moorings, and it's headed for a massive girl-crushing! PP punctuates the picture with, "Aah--Ooh! Ze prisoners are guilty -- ze goddess hurls her statue upon them!" (It looks like the end for Wonder Woman, Etta, Princess-- aww heck, see list of victims in part 3.)

"But though the malicious Purple Priestess counted on Wonder Woman's strength, she did not foresee the Amazon's incredible resistance to hurtling tons of metal..." That's right, boys and boys, Diana manages to plant her feet and stop the force of the falling statue by bracing her back. (Man, that back has had a workout in this story).

And against her mighty strength, the statue stops falling and is held above the heads of the kneeling prisoners. (I wonder if the shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back will restore Wonder Woman's brain to normal?

"The shock of the tremendous metal statue falling on her back restores Wonder Woman's brain to normal." (Caught me completely by surprise) Wonder Woman thinks, "I-I can think again! What am I doing holding this silly statue and wearing these puny chains? Great goddesses! There's the Purple Priestess!"

(Love this panel! It's a picture of Wonder Woman thinking about silly statues and puny chains. Innit cool? I like the look on her face. In fact, I've used it as an avatar on many boards.)

Apparently, carrying statues on her back gets Wondy hot because the text box says, "The aroused Amazon whips into action". Whatever turns you on, baby, cuz look at her fling that giant statue aside, crashing it into bits! (Even though Wonder Woman has smashed the king's favorite goddess, he probably won't bill her for it, because he was getting pretty sick of that statue's demands. I hate it when metal talks through an evil priestess, don't you?)

When PP tries to get away, WW lassoes her, saying "Just a minute, Purple Priestess -- You've a date on Reform Island for some Amazon Taming!" (note: Reform Island is a small island near Paradise Island where all the female prisoners go. They wear belts of submission and learn to control their evilness through loving submission to Amazon overlords. Sometimes it works. Baroness Paula Von Gunther went to Reform Island and eventually became a top Amazon scientist and Diana's best friend. Sometimes it doesn't work, and prisoners escape to wreak more havoc.)

Wonder Woman unmasks PP and realizes with a shock that she's really Sinestra, "the enemy spy who worked against America during the war!" What a coup for Lt. Diana Prince! She caught a war criminal!

Later, after everyone has recovered from the purple gas, Diana bids adieu to the king, who is very happy to see water once again flowing in his country's fields. Etta and the girls decide to stay, to study those windmills without being kidnapped (always a danger around windmills, ask the Dutch)! Princess Allura gives Diana a big hug and vows to be like Wonder Woman. Zarikan will no longer worship the cruel Vultura (hey -- it was the Priestesses fault! You don't really think the statue was calling the shots do you?) . Instead, they'll worship truth and goodness. (Yeah, but trying making a giant statue of truth and goodness! Not so easy, as they'll find out!) Who needs steenking freedom of religion when you've got a royal family telling you what to worship?

Oh, heck, this tender scene deserves a big "Awww"! Besides, you can find more Wonder Woman adventures in Comic Cavalcade and Sensation Comics -- and that makes a very happy ending!

That, my friends, closes the book on Wonder Woman #25. You have it cover to cover. Life is always better when you own lots and lots of Wonder Woman comics. Every issue has all the fun, danger, superheroics, adventure and bondage that any kid could want! Go out and buy one today!

Now, please write me a comment if you read this whole thing. Tell me what you thought or I'll shut down your windmills!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 3): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

2007-11-13T07:31:00.000-08:00

When last we read, The Purple Priestess had decided to keel Wonder Woman, Etta Candy, and the Holliday Girls. And now, back to the story:

Etta and her girls are babed out in swimsuits (Woo Woo!), ready to rescue Wonder Woman. (note: in Wonder Woman comics, Etta Candy -- a short, overweight college student -- comes to the rescue of WW as often as she herself needs rescuing. Etta has saved Diana on many occasions. She's also saved Steve Trevor. It's pretty remarkable, when you think about it, that in this comic the message isn't that you have to have superpowers to be brave and heroic. You just have to care about others. Etta was a unique character, the likes of whom hasn't been seen since.)

The girls swim through the underground river, looking for windmill pipes. Suddenly, they feel something pulling them underwater! (and not one of them is swimming on their heads with their feet out of the water, like the maids. I'm proud of Etta and the girls for learning how to be captured properly. I do wonder where Etta suddenly acquired those enormous Popeye arms and legs, though.)

With ropes around their ankles, they're pulled into an underwater pipe by divers, one of whom is clearly the Purple Priestess! Once inside, PP closes a gate and drains the pipe. Etta instantly realizes that this is why the windmills stopped pumping water. She threatens to tell the king, but PP is unfazed. "You'll nevair tell anyone anyzing, Fatima!" (Ooh, that low-down Pimply Priestess made a fat joke! Them's strugglin' words!)

PP and her slave maids carry the bound women through a labyrinth of pipes, into a room with metal tables. They are strapped down onto the tables (anyone wishing this story had MORE bondage? Because there was one panel awhile back that didn't have anyone tied up. We could draw in little chains so it wouldn't feel lonely). PP calls for some purple mind-paralyzing gas™. Things don't look good for Etta and the gals.

Back in her throne room, PP hears from a slave maid that the king is in the temple. We hear that PP has plans to take over Zarikan and rid herself of Wonder Woman once and for all. (Where is WW, by the way? Two whole pages just went by without any mention of her. Pretty significant for a 12 page story.)

The king supplicates himself in front of PP and the statue of Vultura, asking why his daughter is still missing and why there's still no water. PP blames the "foreign women". Vultura is angry at them and will decide their fate, after which the windmills will be turned on again, and the princess returned.

The prisoners are paraded in front of PP. There's Wonder Woman! Finally! She's with Etta and the girls. They're all bound and dizzy (you can tell they're dizzy because they have swirly lines above their heads). Wonder Woman is chained to the huge statue of Vultura, while Etta and the girls are made to kneel before her, their hands tied behind their backs. (Cool visual, huh? That massive statue of Vultura is neato. But threatening and menacing -- I'm sure there's no escape!)

Ooh, but things aren't looking good. PP gives "mentally helpless" WW a peculiar command: "When Princess Allura calls for judgment, you will pull forward on your wrist-chain with all your Amazon power!" "Y-Yes, Mistress," replies mentally helpless Wonder Woman. (Holy falling statues of Vultura! That will kill everyone! Wonder Woman, the king, the princess, Etta, the holiday girls and maybe even a slave maid or two! Oh, I don't like the looks of this, no siree bob!)

Will Princess Allura call for judgment? Will Wonder Woman pull on her wrist chains? Will the giant statue crush everyone despite the fact that there's decades worth of Wonder Woman comics yet to printed after this story? Stay tuned tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to THE JUDGMENT OF THE GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 2): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

2007-11-12T03:10:00.000-08:00

"Flashing through space 3000 miles per minute, Wonder Woman speeds to Zarikan." (note: Marston was always changing the top speed of the invisible plane. But he often gave a hard figure. Probably wanted to sound scientific.) Wonder Woman finds Etta comforting King Yuka of Zarikan. He's very distraught over his kidnapped daughter (you can tell he's upset because he says "Ohhh woe!")

When prompted to relate the story of the kidnapping, King Yuka gives some exposition -- I mean background. All of Zarikan's water comes from underground streams and the water is pumped to the surface via windmills. The king and his daughter went to the sacred temple of the goddess Vultura (guardian of subterranean waterways) and they witnessed an amazing spectacle.

"Flames encompassed ze statue of ze goddess and a magic figure appeared--!" Hmmm... by shear coincidence, the magic figure is wearing a purple gown and has a daisy on her head. Waitasecond! That's... that's.... could it be? It's the Purple Priestess! And she's calling herself the messenger of the goddess Vultura!

The priestess tells the king that she was sent by the goddess to save him from his wickedness and that he needs to give daily offerings of gold and food to appease Vultura. Otherwise, the windmills will fail to pump water and the crops will die. (Hey Kingy! Start investigating alternative energy sources like oil, nukes and stuff! Forget the wind and its goddess-controlled ficklery. I made up a new word. Heh.)

The king obeyed daisy-head, but when the princess and her maidens went for their daily swim in the underground river, they were pulled beneath the surface! (Not to put too fine a point on things, but if something caught the Princess's leg and is pulling her down, why are all the maidens going under head first? Do they swim upside down?) One maiden escaped, and told the king the story. All the others, including his daughter, Princess Allura, were never seen again. The escapee claims it was Vultura, but Wondy is positive it's just the priestess, trying to get more ill-gotten gains from the king.

Foolishly, King Yuka doesn't listen to the superhero in his living room, so he brings 3 times the amount of gold and grain as before. Wonder Woman carries in the booty, workhorse that she is, even though it was against her better judgment. She's a trooper (and she lifts with her legs, not her back).

Wonder Woman puts her finger to her eye, which denotes thinking (I always point to my eye when I think) and notices that this Purple Priestess is wearing the same clothes as the other Purple Priestess. Could they be the same person? (Ya think?) At the same time, PP doesn't have any trouble putting two and two together and realizes that Wonder Woman is Wonder Woman, no matter where she shows up (hence, no finger to the eye. Instead, she makes a fist, which means "Why I oughta...!" in sign language).

I believe their conversation went something like this:
WW: Is my eye make-up too thick?
PP: It's perfect! Do you like the way my green veil clings to the shape of my face?
WWW: It's lovely. Let's be best friends.
PP: (thinking) She's hot! I'd switch teams for her.
WW: (thinking) If only she'd take off the green veil. Then I'd know if she's hot or not.
King Yuka: (thinking) Please, please, please, Goddess Vultura, allow me to see some girl on girl action!

PP demands that her slave maidens gather up the grains and gold. It's uncertain how they'll manage this, since their hands are all bound. The king asks if PP will now free his daughter, but no dice. PP is disinclined to let go of her ace in the hole, so she tells kingy that although the goddess is pleased with his gifts, she wants more: a human sacrifice! And with that, she points to none other than Wonder Woman as the sacrifice du jour! And shocker of shockers, Diana agrees!

But the king has had enough! Defiantly, he renounces the goddess Vultura, saying he'll burn down the temple if he has to! PP says, "Silence, foolish king! Your defiance shall cost you all your crops -- famine shall prevail until you atone for your sacrilege!" (Man, that's great dialogue! That is primo comic book stuff, there. I wish people talked like that all the time. "Silence, foolish grocery store bagger! Your insistence on plastic instead of paper shall cost you your week's supply of Clearasil! The manager shall prevail until you bow to my bagging needs!" Yeah, that would be sweeeet!)

Oh, but the prophecy comes true!! The windmills stop pumping water and the crops begin to whither and die. Zounds! Once again, WW offers herself as a human sacrifice. (Oh just let her, already! She obviously wants it! It will give her a chance to be bound by chains, for crying out loud! She likes that.) The king has no choice but to let her do it. He's already given all his food to the goddess, so there's no way to keep famine at bay.

Later in the temple, Wonder Woman is bound and placed at the feet of the statue of Vultura. The flames rise and appear to consume the superhero. Etta blames herself for having summoned Diana in the first place. But ho! All is not as it seems. There's a trap door in the altar!

She winds up in a chamber filled with purple gas! Before she's overcome by the fumes, she notices Princess Allura chained to the wall. PP is there, and tells WW that it's "mind-paralyzing gas" (formed by the noxious emissions of thousands of comic book collectors after a Taco Bell binge). The gas makes people lose their will power (and it makes your belches taste like burritos).

"The potent purple gas quickly reduces Wonder Woman to a weird state of coma -- she cannot control her own brain." ('she cannot control her own brain'? What a delightfully weird way of putting it. Much better than "she's high on goofballs.") When the Priestess questions her, Diana spills all, telling her that she recognized PP as the cult leader and that the Holliday Girls are going to explore the underground river, to find out why the windmills aren't working. (That is a weird coma if you can hold conversations. That purple gas is as good as a golden lasso of truth. Feel the power of your Taco-induced gastrointestinal emissions, comic fans!) Things are looking grim -- and purple -- for Wonder Woman!

PP silently decides to "keel" Etta & the Holliday Girls, as well as the princess and Wonder Woman. (Lotsa keeling to do, when will she find the time?)

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Three, Part 1): THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA

2007-11-10T22:55:00.000-08:00

"Never before has the alluring maid from Paradise Island faced a more scheming and sinister villainess than the Purple Priestess. It takes great ingenuity -- superhuman courage for our lovely heroine to save her friends -- in fact a whole kingdom from a fiendish death trap in the story of "THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA."

In the magnificent splash page, Wonder Woman is chained (how unusual!) to a giant winged statue of a woman, and it is falling, about to crush Diana, Etta Candy, and some of the Holliday Girls -- all of whom are also bound. I'm shocked -- shocked! -- that there would be bondage in a golden age Wonder Woman comic! It's unheard of! Unique! Unexpected! In nearly every panel!

The story starts fast from the first panel. "In a tenement basement of the city's waterfront district, a strange spectacle takes place." We see three well-dressed women with their hands bound behind their backs. (Bondage! I'm shocked! I'm -- oh forget it.) Men in robes, with half masks on their faces are holding the women. On a throne, holding a torch, is the Purple Priestess. She appears to be wearing a daisy on her head. Brrrr... nothing scarier than a daisy!

The women are upset because they gave all their money to the Priestess so that she could cure their ailing husbands with her mystic powers. But it was all bunk. The Priestess decides to kill the "lowly females", so there'll be no proof of her racket (her word, not mine). But one of the women had notified Wonder Woman, and suddenly, that is exactly who bursts through the door. "Get her! Keel her!" (Apparently, Daisyhead is rather nautical.)

Wondy makes short work of the henchmen, and does it so handily, one of the henchees admiringly says, "Oof! Whatta woman!" Methinks he was the masochist in the bunch. Bet he's gonna miss being stepped on by the priestess's purple sandals. Meanwhile, our villain slips away.

After beating up half a dozen guys (and those were only the ones pictured), and realizing that the priestess had escaped, Wonder Woman carries the unconscious thugs on her back to the jailhouse. She figures she'll trail PP after going to the lock-up.

Alas, months pass and there's no sign of the cult leader. Then one day, Diana (Wonder Woman) Prince receives a mental radio message from Etta Candy. Etta is visiting Zarikan, studying their windmill waterpower system (green power, baby, it's the wave of the future!). But horrors! The Purple Priestess has kidnapped the Princess and "the country's strongest maids" and there's no one left to vacuum and dust! No, wait -- she meant maids as in 'maids a'milkin' not 'You missed a spot, Hazel.' Etta fears she and the Holliday Girls will be next! "Suffering Sappho!"

Diana speeds out of her office, while Steve Trevor uses his high IQ by dismissing the thought that Diana Prince could be Princess (Wonder Woman) Diana. Using the Wisdom of Athena, Wonder Woman thinks, "The leader of that cure-all cult was called 'Purple Priestess.' Hmm -- she talked with a Zarikanian accent -- I must fly to Zarikan pronto!" Hmmm, indeed, Diana! Imagine the coincidence of a villainess speaking with a Zarikanian accent and then suddenly someone by the exact same name starts causing trouble in Zarikan! Could there be some connection between the two Zarikanian Purple Priestesses? Or is there an evil, daisy-wearing, purple-garbed Zarikanian Priestess around every corner these days?

In a blur of flying clothing (not pictured because this is a G-rated blog) Diana Prince becomes the Alluring Amazon herself: Wonder Woman! She calls her plane via mental robot control (I don't make this stuff up, I just report the facts) and leaps out of the window, grabbing the invisible ladder. She's very worried about Etta and her gang, because the Purple Priestess will know something's up if she spots "American girls."

Uh oh, this doesn't look good! Etta is in trouble, the Purple Priestess is on the loose, and thar be trouble ahead! What a terrible place for me to stop posting, huh?

And yet, I will. Tune in tomorrow for part two of THE JUDGMENT OF GODDESS VULTURA!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 2, finale): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

2007-11-09T06:22:00.000-08:00

When last we met, Teazy had just started a fire which was in danger of burning the house down. Now, on with our story:

Myrna gets on the phone immediately to call -- Diana Prince! (what's that, you say? She should have called the fire department? Whattaya nuts? ALWAYS call military intelligence when the house is on fire. Duh.) Myrna begs Diana to find Wonder Woman, for only the double W could possibly save the house in time to rescue the formula. "Before Myrna can hang up the phone, Diana transforms herself to Wonder Woman and puts out the fire with "her tremendous Amazon lung power." (NOT to be confused with Superman's super-breath. They're two different things. Not at all similar. Except for them both being, y'know, strong blowy breath powers.)

Myrna inspects the safe and, because she can't find the formula, assumes it was burned. But Wonder Woman, smart cookie that she is, figures that whoever opened the safe took it, as she can find no charred fragments. Steve Trevor and his men show up to investigate. Myrna, knowing she hadn't opened the safe, immediately fingers Teasy (what a loving mother). Steve questions the young carrot top but he claims that all he did was burn up everything, not open the safe. Wonder Woman stands by Teasy, claiming he always tells the truth, so Steve assumes it had to have been Myrna who opened it.

Steve accuses Myrna, but before she can speak, Wonder Woman says, "Wait, Steve – the 'Yellow-Mask' gang of international racketeers (or the YMGoIR, as I like to call'em) are after this anti-atomic formula -- maybe THEY did this! Myrna, will you take a LIE DETECTOR TEST?" (interesting that Wonder Woman chooses a lie detector test as opposed to her lasso. Think Marston was trying to publicize his little invention here? Saying it was equal to the golden lasso?) Myrna agrees to take the test, but wants to change clothes first (obviously she couldn't tell the truth in her current outfit).

Time passes and no Myrna. The army dudes assume she's taken a powder, but Wonder Woman believes in her still. However, she discovers that both Myrna and Teasy are gone! "She's escaped," says Steve, "and she took the kid with her!" His assistant says, "I'll issue Dragnet orders, Sir!" (Hello, operator? I'd like to order a rerun of episode 37, "Joe and Bill are in Bunko" -- you know, the one where Joe wears that blue suit and asks the lady for 'just the facts, ma'am'?")

Ah, but now we see what really happened! When Myrna went to change her clothes, some men wearing ... gulp... yellow masks(!) grabbed her. They tie her up, gag her and put her in their car. At their deadquarters (hee hee -- that was a typo I actually made and I decided to leave it because, really, is that a typo or what?) Myrna is blindfolded and introduced to the big boss: A beautiful, raven-haired seductress, who uses a cigarette holder, has large hoop earrings, a snazzy red sash around her waist and speaks with an accent. "Hm -- zee por laydee eez frighten -- I weel talk weeth her. Breeng us tea," says the boss. (The accent is supposed to be Spanish, I guess, because she calls Myrna, "Senora") Bosslady apologizes for keeping Myrna bound, but offers to serve her the tea personally. We can see Bosslady slipping something into the brew and Myrna feels the effects immediately.

"Ha!" says bosslady. "I geev her zee drug we use on preesoners of war to make zem talk. Put her in zee BLACK ROOM." Bosslady will question Myrna and then they'll silence her -- for keeps!

Meanwhile, let's catch up to that spunky orphan, Teasy. He decides, after seeing what a problem his fire caused, to beat himself up. So he socks himself on the jaw (I'm not making this up). Not wanting to return to the orphanage, he decides to run away. However, he happens to see his mom being kidnapped, so he grabs the rear bumper. "The car roared away with the game little Teasy impersonating the tail of a comet."

He manages to hang on with one hand, despite the pain in his shoulder until something in it snaps, and he drops the bumper. Luckily, it was at the top of a hill, so he can see the car reach its destination. "By Jiminy Jumpers" he exclaims.

"Meanwhile, Wonder Woman, using her Amazon woodcraft, finds a clue." (Amazon woodcraft? Is that on her list of superpowers? Wow. Captain Marvel doesn't have a single letter that stands for woodcraft. This PROVES she's got it all over him). She follows the car's tracks until she runs into Teasy. He shows Wonder Woman where they've taken his mom and bravely tells her to ignore his injuries and save Myrna. She races to the farmhouse but, when she grasps the doorknob, is shocked into paralysis by electric current. (Doesn't it seem a bit extreme to electrify the doorknob? Man, that boss lady is evil.)

Unconscious, she is chained by the bosslady (whose name, we now find out, is Tirza). Go back to your Batmans, Dr. Wertham, there's nothing sexual going on here. Just some girl on girl bondage, that's it. Harmless fun.

She's taken to the black room, where Myrna points out that their ankles are wired for electrocution! "Oh-h -- if MEN chained my bracelets -- I'm helpless!" cries Wonder Woman. Two chained women, hooked up to electrodes. Still kid's stuff, Wertham!

Meanwhile, Tirza interrogates Mr. Mal Stone and accuses him of having the formula. He admits it. Menacingly, she says, "Zis knife ees my favoreet persuadair! You weel tell where zee formula ees or --" "I -- I'll TELL! (what a "rock", huh?) It's in my sh-shoe--" quickly interrupts the cowardly Mal. (In his shoe? His SHOE? I can see why this villain was so easily "defeated.") (The management would like to apologize for that last pun. It seems Joanna had a horrible, disfiguring accident to her funny bone, and well, you can see the result. Tragic, huh?)

Tirza goes to the black room (whose walls, by the way, are light blue. go figure) and decides to pull the switch on Wonder Woman and Myrna. She tells Wondy that there's no use pulling at the chains, as she welded them herself. "You DID!" shouts Wonder Woman. "Then a WOMAN chained me -- I HAVEN'T lost my strength!" (You'd think she would have at least TRIED to break free earlier -- on the off chance a woman, namely the evil person who did everything else, had chained her -- wouldn't ya? Guess the wisdom of Athena comes and goes.) Bursting free, Wonder Woman grabs the formula and Tirza's hair, then flips the woman to the ground. Game, set and match!

Meanwhile, Teasy has led Steve and his army guys to the farmhouse. "You're the gamest kid I ever met, Teasy!" says Stevie. The Dearfield family is reunited and a grateful Teasy thanks Wonder Woman for saving his mom. "Now I'm adopted!" he says as he stands between his loving parents. "YOU saved (your mom) and the formula, Teasy," says Wonder Woman, then admonishes the lad not to start anything until his arm heals.

Now that you've read along with me, I betcha you're just aching to know what the third story in this comic is about, huh? Two words: Purple Priestess!!!!!

There's only one thing you can do to find out what is in store for Wonder Woman from the Purple Priestess: tell the author of this golden age comic you just revisited that you want, nae MUST have more! Oh, and, um, why not throw in a comment or two about what you thought of Teasy's little adventure, too. I mean, as long as you're writing a note and all. Okee-doke?

Wonder Woman #25 (Story Two, Part 1): WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?

2007-11-08T00:50:00.000-08:00

Time to start a new story. Same comic, second feature. Hope you have fun!

"T.Z.Y. is the most mischievous, reckless, lovable young redhead who ever deserved the nick-name TEASY! You'll love this kid (betcha I won't. Heart of stone, that's me. I defy you to make me love the lil brat), but you'll hold your breath at the terrible scrapes he gets himself into. You'll thrill too, as you watch WONDER WOMAN battling the lovely but terrible 'Yellow-Mask' Gang leader in this episode called, 'WHO'LL ADOPT TEASY?'"

The splash page shows Wonder Woman holding a notarized document in one hand and with the other she's holding the hair of a gypsy-looking woman and using said hair to throw her to the ground. In the background, a blonde is tied to a post. And we can see broken chains hanging off Wonder Woman's bracelets. Step right up, boys and girls, I smell bondage!

"At 'Suburban County Orphanage' young Thomas Zenophan Yerxes, better known as TEASY, (T.Z.Y.) points excitedly to a mud-puddle." (memorize that full name -- you never know when it's going to come up in a trivia quiz -- and I hate this kid already). Teasy urges his playmates to look into the mud puddle. And the doofuses do. "What's in this puddle?" asks one intellectually challenged orphan. Teasy jumps in the puddle and informs them there's mud in it. ha ha. (rotten rotten kid) Right then, Mrs. Grimfall, the matron, calls the boys to come and greet the visitors -- prospective parents. Oh no! They're all covered with mud! Teasy fesses up immediately, upset that his little prank has caused harm. Awwww. (shucks, I love this kid...)

Just as Mrs. Grimfall is scolding Teasy, telling him no one will ever want to adopt him, Wonder Woman shows up with a blonde who is looking to adopt a boy. It's "Mrs. Alton Dearfield, wife of the famous atomic scientist -- she's looking to adopt a boy," says Wondy. (didja think I'd lie about that?) Mrs. D is immediately drawn to Teasy, but he warns her that he's "foolish and bad" and "nobody'll adopt me. I gotta play straight with yer!"

Mrs. Grimfall chimes in, basically saying he isn't a bad kid, just troublesome. Wonder Woman opines that Teasy's frankness and honesty means a lot. (C'mon, Mrs. D -- adopt him! Ya gotta LOVE this kid!)

Soon, the room is filled with well-dressed ladies, all choosing boys to adopt (no girls here. Wonder why? Only boys are orphaned? pshaw.) Teasy sits alone crying, knowing no one will adopt him (yeah, right). Meanwhile, Wonder Woman urges Mrs. Dearfield to adopt Teasy. Mrs. D agrees, but is afraid Teasy doesn't like her. She asks Teasy if he'd like to be her little boy, but he tells her stop kiddin' him. She sadly observes that he must not like her. Teasy leaps into her arms, professing his love.

Awwww, ain't this just too precious for words? I mean, I'm holding my breath at all the terrible scrapes he gets in, but I love this kid!

So Mrs. D gets Teasy on a trial basis. She can give him back if her husband and she don't like him (sorta like when you order stuff from an infomercial -- there's always a return clause. 1-800-ORPHANS. I saw it last night on cable. Not TOO rough on the hearts of the kids.) Wonder Woman realizes that she's supposed to be at Dr. Dearfield's lab as Diana Prince and makes her excuses.

Mrs. D introduces Teasy to her handsome husband, as well as Lt. Diana Prince and Dr. D's lab assistant, Mr. Mal Stone (Mr. Sick Rock? Gallstone? Millstone? Argh! I'm not getting the name pun here, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong! The doctors warned me that the disfiguring injury to my funny bone awhile back would have unforeseen consequences!) Mal Stone says, "A redheaded 'Teasy' -- hm --". (So what the heck does that mean? Could Mr. Mal Stone be... a bad guy??? With a lovely name like that? Mal Stone -- Bad Rock? Wrong Rock? Rock Hudson? Hudson Valley? Valley Forge? Knock on any Norge? Norgee and Bess? Pepto-Bess-mol? Mal Stone?)

Doc D tells his wife he's succeeded in perfecting the atom-neutralizing formula and tells her to put it in the safe at home. Diana immediately sees the military implications and insists the army safeguard it, but Doc D says it'll be safe at home cuz crooks would NEVER think to look there. Mr. Wrong Rock stands in the background looking suspicious. Myrna Dearfield walks home with Teasy and never notices a suspicious character hiding behind the tree. Nor does she see a furtive figure watching her through the window as she puts it in the safe, though the furtive figures bears a striking resemblance to the suspicious character. Teasy, however, brags that he could open the safe because he saw the numbers she dialed. Myrna warns him not to touch it (boy oh boy -- where could this story be going? Such a mystery).

Time passes and Teasy, though still mischievous, has wiggled his way into his new parents' hearts. Next week, they get to adopt him. Teasy is all aquiver. He decides to celebrate by burning down their house. Well... that wasn't exactly his plan. He wanted to make fireworks, like the fourth of July, so he lights some newspapers on fire to make torches and runs from room to room "doing a war dance". The safe, we notice, is strangely open and its papers have fallen to the floor. (The suspense here is amazing. There is just no way to foresee what's going to happen.)

Suddenly the paper torch burns low and Teasy drops it -- right onto the stack of papers!!! (D'oh! Is my face red! Who knew the torch would fall into those papers, huh?) He tries to put it out, but the fire only grows. He calls for his mom, but by now the fire is out of control.

This is terrible! What's going to happen? Is this the end for Teasy? Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of "Who'll Adopt Teasy?"

Wonder Woman #25 (Story One, Part 3, finale): SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS

2007-11-07T02:00:00.000-08:00

The next morning, gigantic stalks of Rykorn cover the Bar-L ranch. Etta promises that it isn't her doing. Hard Candy and his ranch hands fight valiantly to cut the crop down, but their puny saws are helpless against the enormous tree-like stalks. "Rykorn plants multiply and spread like lightning! And from the Rykorn burst newly-grown plant people overnight!"

A delighted Cob and Tassel rally their newborn army. "Using Rykorn leaves filled with potent knock-out sap, the Rykornians besiege the earth people." (Wow. Knock-out sap. Who knew?) The half-conscious Etta has just enough strength to mental-radio Wonder Woman, who's in her guise of Lt. Diana Prince. "Suffering Sappho!" is Diana's only reply. (woulda been my first thought, too).

The General notices Wonder Woman leaping from a nearby window and calls for her help, but she hasn't the time as she "has to see a scientist about some plant people." Steve Trevor offers his help to the General who is understandably upset. "Ye gads!" he shouts. "There's a national emergency and my right-hand woman, Diana Prince, is missing. Wonder Woman is no help – she spends her time leaping from our windows!" The General calls out the army to combat the plant people.

Meanwhile, the Rykornians have used the enslaved earthers to help plant more seeds. Their plan is to uproot every living plant in America and replace it with Rykorn. Just then, the army arrives! But Tassel isn't worried. The sap-armed, wily Rykornians make short work of Steve and his intrepid comrades.

"Meanwhile, at Paula's secret lab, Wonder Woman and her brilliant scientist friend work tirelessly on a strange, gigantic machine -- " (and folks, it is indeed strange. The wacky imagination of Harry Peters is always in evidence when drawing Amazon machinery. This thing looks like something Dr. Seuss would have dreamed up. I almost expect to see starbellies pouring out of the mouth).

Back to our captive friends... "String them up on some small Rykorn," demands the king, "the plants'll grow in a few minutes and the prisoners will be crushed to death!" Yeowch! Etta once again attempts a mental radio message, in hopes of avoiding the fate of being a "squashed turkey." Instantly, Wonder Woman responds. Ordering her plane into the air, Wonder Woman hangs off the ladder, carrying the gigantic Rykorn Destroyer machine with her lasso.

"Swooping over the Rykorn fields, Wonder Woman quickly frees the prisoners..." As she tells them to run, she turns on the Rykorn Destroyer and sweeps all the cob homes (each of which are occupado) inside, while the blades in the front chop the giant stalks down. Having captured the entire invading force, Wonder Woman leaps toward her invisible plane and guides it to Rykornia by mental robot control.

After her return, Steve asks what happened to the Rykornians. "I returned them to Rykornia," explains Wonder Woman. "They're so terrified of my machine which they think is an earth monster, they've lost all desire ever to invade the earth again!" And luckily, Etta has lost all desire for those yummy seeds, as well!

That ends this story, boys and girls. And just by reading this review, you've gotten 25% of your minimum daily requirement of starchy roughage! Neato, huh?

Stay tuned for another thrilling adventure of Wonder Woman because issue #25 still has two zingetty-zangetty stories to go! And since you've already had an earful about this episode, what did you think of Diana's battle with Rykornia?

Wonder Woman #25 (Story One, Part 2): SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS

2007-11-06T00:21:00.000-08:00

And now, back to the story in progress:

"...by the sheerest chance, Etta falls through the clouds which shroud the planetoid Rykornia." (Phew! Gotta love those shrouded planetoids) Before Etta can figure out where the heck she is, she's surrounded by Rykornians, who conveniently tell her where she is. (I must remember to do that if I ever see an alien. "Greetings, Earthling." "Hi. This is earth." "Duh, Earthling." Then again, maybe not.) King Tassel orders his corn people to capture Etta and secretly plots with Lord Cob that Etta can be used to spread Rykorn seeds on earth. But first, they have to figure out how to get her back to Earth.

Meanwhile, the balloon players return to Paradise Island. Strangely enough (and I swear, I never saw THIS coming), Wonder Woman is the winner! Hippolyte crowns Diana, Queen of the Kanga Carnival and everyone cheers for their Princess. (the crown is really... stupid looking. Kinda balloony and looking a bit like a really ugly lampshade or something).

But Wonder Woman is worried. She draws her mother aside to say, "Mother, I'm worried." (Told you) It seems Diana has noticed that Etta is missing. Hippolyte agrees that her daughter must do something at once. She tells Diana to search for Etta in her invisible plane while she crowns Zalia, who came in second (if, for any reason, the Queen of the Kanga Carnival cannot fulfill her duties, like maybe she'll have to search for a friend 5 miles up in the atmosphere on a planet full of corn or something, then the first runner-up must assume the duties of the Queen. Man, that clause is so darned important!).

Diana tells her mom that she's going to take the Holliday Girls with her, as her leave from Military Intelligence is up and she must return to "the man's world." We see Wonder Woman give Hippolyte a sweet kiss on the cheek while her mother lovingly says, "Aphrodite be with you, darling!" (I really like this panel. The stance of the two women, the mother-daughter affection and bond, the sweetness of the expressions -- very very nice. Sometimes, a panel just says so much, y'know? Lovely. Really. I'm... sorta gettin' all choked up here. It's just that I remember when MY Mom crowned me Queen of the Kanga Carnival lo those many years ago back in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin and she was so proud. The corn was as high as an elephant's eye, the cows were lowing and my trusty Kanga nuzzled my hand for an ever-present corn nut. Memories like that -- you just can't make those up...)

As Wonder Woman worriedly patrols the skies with the Holliday Girls, she receives a mental radio message from Etta (what will power!). "Calling Wonder Woman -- need help -- captive of plant people on Rykornia -- concealed in clouds --" Wonder Woman isn't all too sure what the heck plant people are and most assuredly has never heard of Rykornia. This is very troublesome as Etta is busy bragging to the Rykornians about having mental radioed Wonder Woman, "the strongest girl on Earth," for help. Things look dire indeed until the King tells his subjects to untie their "welcome guest." It seems that Wonder Woman's imminent arrival is exactly what he wanted!

Having somehow discovered the world of giant corn, Wonder Woman searches for her friend from the vantage of the invisible plane (good thing she happened to find the heretofore unknown plantetoid just when Etta needed her, huh? What're the odds of that???) Finally, Wonder Woman's keen eyesight spots Etta happily munching away on the yummy Rykorn seeds her hosts have generously provided.

Wonder Woman observes that the Rykornians "don't look savage" so they slide down the nearest giant corn stalks to join the little party. Etta is happy to see her friends. "Woo Woo! Hi, Wonder Woman -- Greets, gals!" she says. (I like "greets, gals" myself. That Etta is one hip chick). The visitors are immediately offered heapin' helpins of Rykorn seeds, which they find very tasty. Wonder Woman breaks up the party early, trying to gather her gals, and the king offers her bags of Rykorn seeds to take with her. "No," Wonder Woman explains, "Earth soil is so fertile we might not be able to check the growth of Rykorn." (Now THIS is the wisdom of Athena at work! Instantly, Diana zooms in on what could possibly be the dire consequences of introducing a foreign agrarian product into the ecosystem. She is a thinkin' machine!!!!) Lord Cob laughs at her reservations and Etta agrees with the veggie-mite, but Wonder Woman doesn't relent. However, unseen by the Amazon, Cob and Tassel sneak a bag of seeds, and themselves, onto the plane.

(Okay, gotta question here. How the heck do you HIDE on an invisible plane??? Wouldn't Wonder Woman and the gals walk up and say, "hey, look. Two crouching Rykornians and a large bag of seeds are suspended a couple feet off the ground. Guess we found the plane.")

Somehow, no one notices the corn people or the bag of seeds, now all hidden behind an invisible seat. Etta wistfully hankers after the seeds, (guess Wonder Woman doesn't provide invisible peanuts for the flight, huh?) but Wonder Woman remains firm. "I had a strong hunch the Rykornians were up to mischief Etta. There is something very sinister about those plant people." And though Etta can't figure out what harm plants could do, she lets it go and requests to be dropped off at her dad's ranch. (Etta's father, Hard Candy, owns the Bar-L Ranch in Texas. Dunno if Etta's brother, Mint Candy, will show up in this issue. If so, they should all have a Bar-L of fun! Hey, I never promised not to make corny jokes. Oh wait a sec. I DID promise, didn't I? Ooops.)

As Wonder Woman begins her ascent, the two Rykornians jump off the plane. Through the night, Cob and Tassel sew their seeds. In every stalk of Rycorn will be born a new Rykornian subject "to be used in the war against earthlings! Ha Haaaa!"

Can Earth be saved? Come back tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS!!

Wonder Woman #25 (Story One, Part 1): SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS

2007-11-05T04:33:00.000-08:00

Woo Woo! I smell the distinctive aroma of a very old comic book. Just a sniff, and I'm fastening my seatbelt, putting my tray table in an upright position and readying myself for a superspeed journey into the 1940s. And, if you join me, we can travel together into the pages of WONDER WOMAN #25. C'mon! It'll be fun -- I promise!

The cover is quite intriguing. Wonder Woman is sitting at a desk looking at three wanted posters. She appears pensive; worried. These are obviously very dangerous criminals. What she doesn't see, is that behind her, peeking out from a doorway, are the three felons, all armed and ready to strike. I have an overwhelming urge to shout "look out!!!" But I won't. My prime directive says that I must not interfere in the stories of comic books. So though painful, I remain silent.

::insert silence here::

"Look out!!!" (phew! I feel much better, despite the impending court martial I'll no doubt receive).

I have to say right off, that our buddy H. G. Peters was the artist, I am not 100% certain about who wrote the three stories in this comic. Marston passed away in May of '47 and this has a cover date of Sept.-Oct. of 1947.

I do know that Marston had a backlog of stories, and that his family actually wrote several stories after his death. I think these were probably some of Marston's originals, though, as the backlog would've easily covered a book with a Sept. publishing date. They also have quite a bit of bondage (the third story is so full of bondage there are only a handful of panels free of it). That screams Marston to me.

If it isn't him, and it isn't Kanigher (it could be a mixture, i.e. Kanigher wrote one, Marston another, etc.) then it could be members of his family. When I spoke to Marston's son, he told me that the family members wrote several stories after Bill's death. I don't know if the family members kept to all of his idiosyncrasies (i.e. chock full 'o' bondage) but I do know that according to the eldest son, they did try to emulate his dad's work as closely as possible.

That said, I have reached no conclusion about the first story, the one this post is about. If anyone has any information, let me know.

The first story (and this issue has three independent tales, not a "book-length adventure") is what we'll be reading in this revisit. I'll do the other stories in subsequent revisits.

"Have you ever considered the fact that perhaps on another planet in our solar system there might be an entirely new form of life completely unlike ours? Science hasn't discovered it yet, but there is such a planet! Rykornia is an unexplored planetoid, hidden in Earth's atmosphere by a shroud of clouds, and inhabited by fiendish creatures just waiting their opportunity to invade our world."

(Uh-oh. Fiendish corn-people! Quick! Somebody melt some butter!)

"Follow the stirring adventures of the alluring Amazon Princess... as she fights the most terrible menace ever to invade the Earth and matches her Amazon strength against the 'SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS."

The splash shows Wonder Woman pushing some sort of harvesting machine through a giant cornfield. It's cutting off the stalks and sweeping in giant ears of corn with little geometrical corn people in them. Looks pretty fiendish to me.

(note: I am going to try to avoid making all the obvious corn puns. This is a challenge, but I've abstained from puns for several days in preparation and feel I can prevail.)

Page two shows us Rykornia. (Not that I feel this is reaching on the part of the author or anything, but Rykornia is a planet that exists in our own atmosphere. It is "concealed by clouds too thick for earth telescopes to penetrate". Uh-huh. A planet. Just hanging up there in our atmosphere. Okay, got it.)

The Rykornians are described as "weird plant people." They seem to like hanging around in cornfields, looking through telescopes made of corn. They watch the earth. And they're ruled by King Tassel and his right-eared man, Lord Cob. (Darn it. Made a corn joke. ::slap:: sorry, folks. Man, this is difficult.) The entire planet of Rykornia is covered by giant corn stalks. And it appears everything they own is made from corn, as well. (This strikes me as particularly fiendish. After all, we don't make everything out of humans. But these corn people make more than just the occasional soylent green out of themselves. Ewww!) However, there is no more room on Rykornia for any more people. So, naturally, they'd like to conquer the Earth. Fertile soil, y'see. (I'm guessing their telescopes aren't trained on Death Valley. Just a hunch.)

Meanwhile, the Amazons are having a Kanga Carnival!!! Woo Woo! Wonder Woman arrives in her invisible plane with a bunch of Holliday Girls. Hippolyte greets them saying, "Welcome to Paradise Island, Man's World Girls!" Hee hee. (But here comes my first clue that this may not be Marston after all. Etta Candy says, "Wahoo" instead of "Woo Woo". I've never seen her say "Wahoo" before).

The girls and the Amazons all mount sky Kangas (for the uninitiated, the Kanga is the favorite riding animal of the Amazons. They look like Kangaroos, but are quite large, and the Amazons ride them like horses. Sometimes, as here, they can fly. The Kangas were a gift from some aliens in an earlier adventure). Hippolyte uses a giant "balloon gun" to shoot multi-colored balloons miles high into the air. The contestants are to catch the balloons in their hands but may not break them. Sounds pretty straight-forward until Etta makes a grab, but the balloon is traveling too fast for her to catch. "Ha!" cries Wonder Woman. "That's why it's sport! These balloons are filled with Amazon Speed-Gas which makes them fly at a tremendous speed and change course at the slightest breeze." (Amazon Speed-Gas, huh? Nah-ah. Too easy.)

Everyone gets a workout trying to capture the balloons, including the indefatigable Amazon Princess. (Dang, but that lil missy can ride a kanga!!! Yeeha!)

Etta and the Holliday Girls are having a very tough time of it, but their leader urges them on. "After them, gals!" cajoles Etta. "Woo! Woo!" (there went that theory, huh?) "We gotta show the Amazons that man's world girls are skillful athletes too!" Trying to lead by example, Etta chases a runaway blue balloon but over-reaches. She falls off her kanga with nothing beneath her but 5 miles of space! Is this the end of our intrepid Holliday fave, Etta Candy? Come back tomorrow for more Golden Age excitement with SIEGE OF THE RYKORNIANS!!

Welcome to Comic Books Revisited

2007-11-05T03:37:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Comic Books Revisited! The purpose of this blog is to share with you some of my favorite comic book stories from the past. There'll be Golden Age, Silver Age, and Bronze Age fun galore. I hope you'll start reading and come back for more because these old stories are a ton of fun.

Basically, I'll take an old story, scan some panels, and then recount the entire plot for you. That said, don't expect a straight retelling. I adore these old stories and am especially fond of looking for pop culture markers, language of the era, the impact of world events, and much more. I reserve the right to make fun of any and every aspect but I promise every joke will be made with love, because I have deep affection for these eras past.

I'll be pulling the books from my own collection. Unfortunately, I sold off the bulk of my Golden Age and Silver Age books awhile back. Fortunately, I didn't sell them all. And I can always buy new ones. Because the best candidates are books in terrible condition (I have to nearly wreck the book anyway in order to scan the panels) the cost shouldn't be too prohibitive.

You'll also notice they're all DC Comics and no Marvel, Harvey, Timely, Dell, Archie, etc. books at all. That's because I'm a DC kinda girl and those are the books I have in my collection. If, at some point, the readership of this blog makes it worth it, I may be willing to accept old ratty comics from other publishers sent by readers, which I will then give the Comic Books Revisited treatment. Just leaving that door open for now, nothing more. For now it's a trip down DC memory lane.

First up: the opening story in Wonder Woman #25, a wild and wacky Golden Age story you don't want to miss. Have fun and don't forget to comment!